Friend of mine texted me this imgur.com/KcAXl6g
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Daydu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine texted me that his new hobby is taking pictures of fish in clothes

He likes to call it "shooting fish in apparel"

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/glennwolf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you guys guys allow Mom Jokes? Text convo between a friend of mine and her Mother.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Richie311
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2013
🚨︎ report
He didn't bi it

Male friend of mine, [Elton], is bi, told me about a crush he had on a guy he'd met through wilderness backpacking (relevant), and how he doesn't think he has a chance. Having no other information and an IT guy's policy of checking the obvious things first, I asked the dumb questions, via text.

>Me: So you're sure he's into guys
>Elton: Y E S
>Me: Okay, okay, just getting that straight
>Elton: A N G E R Y
>Me: But yeah, given everything else you've told me, I think you've got a chance
Me: Presuming he also knows the lay of the land
Elton: N O
Elton: S T A H P

I don't know why he keeps coming to me for relationship advice.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/teuast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Made a motivational dad joke

Recently I took a very spontaneous last minute trip across the country. It really cleared my head from all the nonsense in my life right now. A friend of mine got inspired by that and said fuck it, I'm going somewhere random too (he ended up deciding Zion Park in Utah). He texted me that he was getting anxious about it and was about to back out, so I replied "You can't back out now, you said you want to do something crazy so do it. Utah-k the talk, now you gotta walk the walk."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lvl100Warlock
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2017
🚨︎ report
Got My Sister With This

We were getting pizza for dinner which she ordered online and I went to pick it up. Before I went in the store, I texted her to ask what name she put the order under.

Me: What name is it under?

Her: Mine

Me: They said they don't have an order under the name "Mine"

Her: Try "fuck you"

Me: lol

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/McGurp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2016
🚨︎ report
My dad has a gas powered blender with motorbike-style handle bars.

I was at a Yankees vs Royals baseball game. I text my dad to tell him, "They have a promo for tailgating on the jumbotron. They had your blender!" He replies back, "One like mine. I just looked, mine is in the garage."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lrnrae
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2014
🚨︎ report
New Car

So a friend of mine wanted to get her a Toyota 4runner for about the past 6 months. After that much looking and searching, she went to look at a new 4runner today. After looking at one with her dad for a while and valuing her mustang...they asked for them to hold it for a few days and they said sure thing!

A little while later, probably about 6... she gets a text from her dad "They sold the car." Upset, she went about the day waiting for dinner that night. Once we got here we hung out for a bit and ate! Her dad told her to go downstairs and get something. (I'm sure you know where this is going) She goes down stairs and finds her new car. She runs back up the stairs and says "I THOUGHT YOU SAID THEY SOLD IT!

"They did sell it! You never asked who bought it."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InsaneBeagle
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2014
🚨︎ report
Epoxy

Texting a lady friend of mine:

(me not replying)

Her: or not.

Me: Sorry (pet name) I was setting up my new phone.

Her: Set up faster

Her: I like when you call me that.

Me: That's what I always tell my epoxy. .........

Her: What

Her: What's epoxy?

Me: nevermind.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Toke_n_Ride138
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2015
🚨︎ report
Apparently I am a bad influence.

So a couple days ago as I was leaving work I get a phone call from a friend of mine who I shall call k during this story

Now K never calls people so I was surprised that he was calling me, and was even more surprised when the first words he said when I picked up where, β€œAcriloc you’re a bad influence on my brother.”

I was shocked at such an accusation, wounded even and asked why. K then proceeded to tell me how when he was at work he slipped on a recently mopped floor and fractured his arm. A coworker of his dropped him off at the ER where he decided to text his brother C, someone whom I’m friend with as well, while he waited.

C asked if K was ok, and how since K works in a kitchen what’s he going to do if he can’t use his right arm for a while. K then told C how he tends to practice using his left arm just in case anything like this would happen, and though he won’t be able to do everything he did in the kitchen he’ll still be able to work and help out.

C responded with, β€œI guess all that practice came in....handy.”
Causing K to burst out in laughter in the middle of the ER waiting room, filled with people who are in pain and not having a pleasant day. The amount of death stares he got from people as he was laughing while trying to point at his phone and explain he’s laughing because of a lame joke his brother sent him was quite the sight to behold apparently.

Apparently I am to blame for all this because C used to never make jokes like that until he met me since I try to find any excuse to make a dad joke.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Acriloc
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2014
🚨︎ report
Another teacher joke, though he was probably a dad too.

A friend of mine had a teacher in high school that, like many others, would write notes on the overhead or the whiteboard and, like many others, would end up standing in in the way of the text sooner or later.

If a student would ask "Mr. ____, can you move?" implying that they need him to move out of the way of their view of the text, he'd reply "Yes, I can!" and jump up and down in place, flailing his arms.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZenKeys88
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2013
🚨︎ report
Got a friend of mine

I texted a friend of mine if they wanted to hear a joke. They replied with "Nah I'm k" next I sent them "Hi K, i'm <me>" They replied with "you're gonna be a terrible father"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lozominebox
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.