My cell signal always drops when I work the front desk at work and I can't get calls.

Bad reception.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/melmia88
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
How come cell phones don’t wear glasses?

Because they have contacts.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can't you choose Latin as your default cell phone language?

Because the Roman charges are too much!

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don’t cell phones work in a cemetery?

They are dead zones

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/an0m_x
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can't you get cell phone service when you're naked?

No shirt, no shoes, no service.

πŸ‘︎ 602
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2017
🚨︎ report
I don't have any red blood cells

So my doctors are looking in vein

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jryser
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2017
🚨︎ report
What kind of cell phone doesn't have a lock?

A Nokia

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/XxZenythxX
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2015
🚨︎ report
You can't use cell phones on airplanes

But you're so close to the cloud.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/reallysuave
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2017
🚨︎ report
Dad's care about safety! Don't drive on your cell phone

It will break

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tavroHoB
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2017
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
The other day I saw a bucket at the hardware store with a sign that said: dead batteries - $1 each.

I thought to myself β€œthese should be free of charge”.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/corbimatic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Criminal justice has progressed

When a thief is caught today, it’s not like the olden days. Now, you get a mugshot and housed in a jail cell. Then, they were just drawn and quartered.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I found a load of batteries washed up on the beach.

I was collecting C Cells on the sea shore.

πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm thinking of rebranding my company as Gametes

I've heard sex cells.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NehEma
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!

For now, they're just cell mates.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/7_Pillars
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
If I ever go to jail I am making sure I get the nickname β€˜mitochondria’

The powerhouse of the cell

πŸ‘︎ 131
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Haas19
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are female prisoners kept in separate prisons?

Because most prisoners are in cells.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Masked_Death
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
An Amoeba predicted that it would successfully split itself in two.

It was a cell fulfilling prophecy

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/g1flash23
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you heard of this terrorist group using wooden weapons?

They're a splinter cell!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my son that the Super Bowl is next week. He said, "Cool! I wanna watch!"

I said, "Why? You're cell phone tells time."

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redhot_ginga
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the bacteria lose its job in retail?

Because it only had one cell

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Foamy07
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Jails are living things

Because they’re made of cells

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jrbear09
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I met Sally, a young woman who operates a battery kiosk at our local community park.

Sally sells C-cells by the Seesaw.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a jeweler and a prison guard?

one watches cells and one sells watches

πŸ‘︎ 156
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maxian213
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call taking a picture of your own cells under a microscope?

a Cell-fie

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Waterburst789
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the amoeba children get their own smartphones?

Everyone knows that an amoeba is a single cell organism.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife asked, β€œHoney, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”

He hadn’t and said so. Then she said, β€œTomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”

Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. β€œWell, is she selling drugs?” she asked excitedly.”

β€œNo, she’s not.” he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

β€œWell, what is it, then?” his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said. β€œHer name is Sally and she’s selling batteries.”

β€œBatteries?” cried the wife.

β€œYes,” he replied. β€œShe sells C cells by the Seashore.”

πŸ‘︎ 95
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I'll try to cell this one too you...

What did the cell say to it's sibling when she stepped on his toe?

My toe sis...

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OffDutyTaoist
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to prison with a guy named Mitochondria

He was the powerhouse of the cell.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KalegNar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the yeast want a second phone?

Because like all yeast, he was a single-cell phone guy.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stooftheoof
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Mitochondria would be a great prison nickname.

They'd be the powerhouse of the cell.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lazztronica
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Where does Santa put a misbehaving elve?

A Jingle Cell.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stgm_at
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are blood physicians so rich

Because blood cells

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cowardflame
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Using chromosomes in advertising

because you know, sex cells

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the inmate call his family?

On his cell phone.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BigEZK01
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do prisoners use to call each other?

Cell phones.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lshqpyari
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I met Sally, a young woman who operates a battery kiosk at our local community park.

Sally sells C-cells by the Seesaw.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
If I ever go to Prison, I'm gonna change my name to Mitochondria

I want everyone to know I'm the powerhouse of the cell.

πŸ‘︎ 178
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spookydooky69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What do prisoners use to call each other?

Cell phones.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report

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