So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds"

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/J96x_Rob_LFC
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2017
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It’s illegal to sell stocks from inside a bath of sparkling apple juice

Because that would be in cider trading

πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/canyuse
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
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What’s the sassiest sparkling beverage?

So-duh

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lukeknep
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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Sparkling good time

Why did the soda crusher quit his job?

. . . It was soda pressing!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trailerslumlord
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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My mom bought nasty sparkling water drinks. My brother said it tasted like devil incarnate.

I said it tasted like devil carbonate :D

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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2 women in a restaurant, when a duck walks in with a huge bunch of flowers. He places them on the table and says,

"You two ladies are so beautiful with sparkling eyes. "

One of the women stopped him, called the waiter over and said, I ordered AROMATIC duck."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
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What did Apple make with frozen Sparkling Water?

An iglow.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Di_Ma_Re_Bra
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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Cut my hand opening a bottle of sparkling wine...

I guess every RosΓ© has its thorn!

πŸ‘︎ 464
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nemo_sum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2016
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Minnesoda
πŸ‘︎ 279
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pilotii101
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
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This morning, my wife asked if I wanted her to throw out my can of sparkling water that had been on the counter all night.

I replied, "No I'll drink it. It's still water."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chewiedies
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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What is this? A soda can for ants?
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NTilky
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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Why don't people like sparkling water

It's an aquaired taste

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PRIC3L3SS1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
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He knows to bring the flavored sparkling water, yes?

Oui, il sait porter La Croix.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IanGecko
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who dipped his testicles in glitter?

Pretty Nuts.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clown0fHatred
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
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Double dad

So, my sister is having her final tests on high school (I'm in college and have a really cute son with my girlfried) and got home today with a weird look on her eyes. Me and dad were having some sandwiches and watching The Empire Strikes Back (Star Wars marathon hype!). I looked at her and asked what happened, she immediately responded "I'm tired as fuck." By that point, I looked at my dad. He was looking at me, with a sparkle on his eyes. We both stood up, walked to her and said together: "HELLO TIRED AS FUCK, WE ARE DAD" Even my mother started laughing. It was hillarious.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2015
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A proud new dad sits to have a drink with his father.

"Well son, now that you've got a kid of your own, I think it's time to give you this"

"Dad, you don't mean-"

"Yes son, I do" Dad pulls out a copy of 1001 dad jokes.

"Dad .. I'm honoured ..", he says, tears sparkling in his eyes.

"Hi honored", replies his father. "I'm dad".

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MajorTom1998
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2017
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Guess I'm never going to wine tasting again.

Instructor: Only true champagne comes from Champagne Italy, everything else is called sparkling wine.

raise my hand

Me: where are these ones from?

Instructor: Those three are from California.

Me: So the rest of these are just Sham-pagnes?

Whole room groans, gf says she's never taking me to these again.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DirtyMcCurdy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2015
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Puns/slogans for a soiree?

So basically there's a soiree to raise money and I can't think of any puns or slogans for it. It will be during winter but after Christmas. I don't know where I would turn for this so I'll give this subreddit a shot. What I 've come up with so far: Snowy Soiree, Sparkling soiree, Winter soiree.... they're not good. :(

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/standard400
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2014
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Water

Waitress : Sparkling water or still water Me: sparkling water is still water!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trevorantifreeze
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
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A proud moment

A proud new dad sits down to have a drink with his father

"Well son, now that you've got a kid of your own, I think it's time to give you this"

"Dad, you don't mean-"

"Yes son, I do" Dad pulls out copy of 1001 Dad Jokes, 5th Edition

"Dad... I'm honoured...", he says, tears sparkling in his eyes.

"Hi honoured", replies his father. "I'm dad".

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sl101m
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2018
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A proud new dad sits down to have a drink with his father...

A proud new dad sits down to have a drink with his father

"Well son, now that you’ve got a kid of your own, I think it’s time to give you this"

"Dad, you don’t mean-"

"Yes son, I do" Dad pulls out copy of 1001 Dad Jokes, 5th Edition "Dad… I’m honoured…", he says, tears sparkling in his eyes.

"Hi honoured", replies his father. "I’m dad".

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikeyt493
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2013
🚨︎ report

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