Sole (foot) Puns

But my insides are still bare.

they're good for the sole.

I tried to hit her with the classic "Should I call a toe truck?" She said, "Very funny, but I hit the bottom of my foot." So I said, "Then maybe I should call the Sole Train."

He sold his sole for rock'n'roll.

...I just really love how they put their sole into their work.

It sold its sole to the devil

...but I had to quit because it was just sole crushing.

I was at a funeral a couple weeks ago. We went to church then the reception. Sitting next to my mom, brother and a couple aunts and uncles, I turned to my mom and told her, "I felt like I was losing my soul in church." I received a few astonished looks when my mom asked, "why would you say that?" I picked up my foot and showed her the sole of my shoe coming off.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

“Every time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, ‘The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

“I’ll call you later!”- “Please don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

“My dad literally told me this one last week: ‘Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

“Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: “Wow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

“Me: ‘Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: ‘Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

“I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

“How can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

“What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: “Don’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: “No, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

One day, I say to my dad, "Hey Dad! Could you imagine if I grew another foot!"

To this, he says, "Well, son, then we'd have to buy you another shoe."

She has a crack on her foot and had been walking on it all day.

Told her "babe you needa get off of that or it's never gonna heel!"

Sighs ensued

I'm a part time clerk/grunt worker at my local supermarket. My shift consists of stacking up milk, butter, eggs, cream, anything that comes from an udder. So, to make my existence seem less monotonous, I'll often badger my coworkers with horrid puns. One day,one of them offered me these kind words of encouragement: "If you don't shut up, I'll shove my foot down your throat." My rebuttal: "Is that what people call sole food?"