I thought I saw a kangaroo in the forest the other day.
But dad reckons it was an hoptical illusion.
An outdoor neighborhood cat was hiding in some bushes while I was hedge trimming. Didn't see him and clipped his tail clean off. I panicked and grabbed the cat and his tail rushing to my car and drove like a mad man to Walmart. The greeter was puzzled and asked why I brought the cat.
"Because you're the largest re-tailer in the world!"
I saw a really cool kangaroo the other day
What can jump higher, the empire state building or a kangaroo
The kangaroo cause the empire state building can't jump
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Did you hear about the scared kangaroo?
Yeah, he was a bit jumpy.
I’m saving money for bushes to plant around the yard when my career is over...
It’s my retirement hedge fund.
I saw 2 cows staring at me from behind the bush.
I think it was a steak out.
My mate, Skippy, is a bit of a nerd. Just last night he spent 2 hours telling me about all the characters named Kang.
For instance, Kang the Conqueror is a fictional supervillain appearing in American comic books published by Marvel Comics. In 2009, Kang was ranked as IGN's 65th Greatest Comic Book Villain of All Time
or
In the Simpsons , Kang is a Rigellian from Rigel 7. He and his sister Kodos continuously try to take over Earth and are usually seen attacking Springfield.
Kang and Kodos have a lot of space weaponry at hand and have their own spaceship. They speak the Rigellian language, which, by coincidence, is identical to English. Although they look identical, Kang has a deeper voice than Kodos.
I guess you could say Skippy is a Kang Guru...
The collective noun for kangaroos is a "troop". What is the collective noun for cars?
I gave some dude the money I'd saved to to buy bushes to line my property. I'd introduce you, but
my hedge fund manager hates reddit.
Today while discussing game meats and a kangaroo stew I made a few years back, my coworker pointed out that with the Australian wild fires you won’t be able to get much kangaroo meat these days...
My reply without missing a beat — you’ll be able to buy it, you just won’t be able to buy it rare.
Watch out for stray Pokémon hiding in the bushes.
They might be trying to take a Pikachu.
Approaching the house without a mask these days is just bush league.
Bill Clinton hiding in the Bushes
Clinton hiding in the Bushes
What did the Australian cowboy charge for kangaroo rides?
A Buckaroo
(My 3 year old came to me with that one this morning)
Saw a bird in the bushes. Nature is healing, we are the problem.
Who played for the the Wallabies and the Kangaroos in the same year?
The army band.
(Full credit to the elderly gentleman who approached me at the bus stop and shared this beauty).
What's the difference...
Between an Bouncy Australian Marsupial and a Geordie stuck in a coal mine?
.
.
.
.
...one's a Kangaroo the other is a Kangeroot.
I tried a new kangaroo infused beer the other day
It was a little too hoppy for my taste
Kangaroo 1- I am the king of all baby kangaroos.
Kangaroo 2- Are you joking?
Kangaroo 1- Yes.
My neighbor tried to wager money on whether I could jump the row of bushes between our properties...
But I don't like to hedge my bets.
Blueberry bushes are one of the least productive plants.
All their effort bears little fruit.
What does the lion call his high-achieving cub and adopted kangaroo kid?
I startled a kangaroo the other day, at the zoo.
85 y/o married couple next door can hardly walk. I sometimes see them creeping around the bushes between the houses.
They're a pair of old, worn out sneakers.
Did you hear about the naked guy found circling the same bush over and over again at the park? The cops came to arrest him for indecent exposure. When asked why he would do such a thing...
he kept beating around the bush.
Did you hear about the kangaroo that had eyes on its legs?
Two cave men are hiding from a dinosaur in the bushes
Suddenly the dinosaur comes charging at them and they both flee. The first shouts "what kind of dinosaur IS that?"
The other responds "Hemustasaurus"
There was a man protesting the sale of tall ladders by climbing one over 15’ and acting like he slipped and fell, landing in a bush that was secretly a soft-landing pad.
It was a anti-climb antic.
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
Joe Biden and Kamala Harris go out for a morning run together
Kamala finishes in just under twelve minutes and Joe is already waiting for her at the finish line.
"How'd you do?" she asks him.
"I finished in 10 minutes and 46 seconds. That's got to be a new record among Presidents, right?"
"No" Kamala replies. "Bush did 9:11".
I guess Bush's Baked Beans recipe is kept secret by not spilling the beans.
I heard a kangaroo can jump higher than the Empire State building.
Actually, they all can. Buildings don't jump at all.
Can a Kangaroo jump higher then the Empire State Building?
Ofcourse it can. The Empire State Building can't jump.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course, the Empire State Building can’t jump.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
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