A list of puns related to "Skate 2"
He went skating on the lake before it was cool
Because he wanted to make a skate bored!
A Skate-Bird.
A sheep-skate.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn
... keep reading on reddit ➡Cheap skates
Scene: Bf was getting ready for a skate session and discovered a tiny pocket in the back on the waistband of his shorts intended for keys.
Me: Don't put your keys there, you might fall and get stabbed in the kidneys.
Bf: It's cool, I still have two adult knees.
Me: Oh my god.
She thought the song was too sad for rollerskating. I completely agreed and said there should definitely be a separation of church and skate.
Entry was half price.
She called me a cheap skate.
Roger Ebert gave it a skating review.
While watching the ice skating competition...
"I hope these judges take their time."
"Why?"
"There's no need to be Russian to make a decision."
Cheap Skate.
Went ice skating, she was wearing gloves that were meant to resemble Koala bears. I told her they wouldn't let her in if she was wearing them. She looked at me, bewildered.. so I informed her that her gloves didn't meet the koalifications.
Got on to the subject of ice skating after dinner, when my granddad told us that "you can have nasty accidents at ice rinks... Me and your grandma first met at one"
Has a figure skating competition in about a month. So I'm asking her if she's ready. She tells me she needs to straighten out her axle. To which I respond "you can't be driving around with a crooked axle" And my 8 year old son says "you'll drive right off the road" I've trained him well.
Me: "I want to make a magic-themed Canadian restaurant called 'Harry Poutine-ies.'"
Brother groaned, but then:
Brother: "What would you call a fish dish there? E-skate Artist?"
Me: "...Abra-cod-abra."
Brother: "F&!%"
sis: dad look, ice skating!
dad: no no, dear, you say: I AM skating.
What is a Vampire favorite fruit?
What kind of dogs do Vampires like best?
How does a ghost cry?
What does a skeleton always say before he eats?
What kind of key should you always take to a haunted house?
Why do Vampires need mouthwash?
What kinds of street do Zombies like?
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?
What did the black cat call the mouse on roller skates?
What does a vampire never at a restaurant?
What is it like to be kissed by a vampire?
Why did the witch stand in front of the podium?
What does a ghosts have for dessert?
What is a skeletons favorite instrument?
What kind of dog does a mad scientist have?
Be honest, how many did you get? What is your dad score?
EDIT: can't get spoiler tags to work...
TV Announcer: "Coming up next, the pair skating competition."
Me: "Huh, I didn't know pears could skate."
MAN LAWS
The International Rules of Manhood
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss' car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding
... keep reading on reddit ➡Mom: "Oh look, Team Canada is in second place for team figure skating!"
Dad: "Oh, that figures."
My dad passed recently. He was the king of the silly sayings.
Was taking my grandson to go ice skating. We were running late and caught myself saying "We're off, like a herd of turtles!". Something my dad used to say ALL the time. Made me nostalgic...
Question: What was the worst shift you've ever worked?
Answer: @jon_bois Was a gravedigger for a summer - every shift was the worst. Finished a shift once and realized I left my soda cup in a grave.
Response: This is accidental genius. You could have skated by on sympathy for such a long time. "Cut me a break, okay? I BURIED MY POP LAST WEEKEND."
H/T http://www.sbnation.com/2014/10/21/7028991/breaking-madden-roster-cuts-week-8-a-big-gulp-full-o-poop
Me: Why is it called short-program skating?
Friend: Because it's the 20 second Olympics.
Watching the Olympics tonight and I had a perfect opportunity.
TV shows the outside of the figure skating arena.
Wife: that building is soo cool.
Me: that is how they keep the ice in skating condition after all.
He went ice skating before it was cool.
He went ice skating on the pond before it was cool
He went ice skating before it was cool.
He went ice skating before it was cool
He went ice skating on the pond before it was cool.
He went ice skating before it was cool.
He went ice skating before it was cool.
..... I thought what a cheap skate
He went ice skating on a pond before it was cool.
He went skating before it was cool
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