what would James Bond have if he were a shopkeeper

A license to Till

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sonicblue06
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.

Me- β€œYou gave me one too many”

Shopkeeper- β€œthat one is a freebie”

πŸ‘︎ 914
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shadynasty94
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over. reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blazinfastjohny
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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Why did the shopkeeper try to convert Jesus?

He was trying to turn a prophet.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/semicolonbanks
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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The shopkeeper at the tuxedo store kept hovering over me, so I told him to leave me alone.

He said, β€œFine. Suit yourself.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
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What do shopkeepers in UAE want?

You Dubai something.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/happy_anand
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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I asked the shopkeeper how much empty rechargeable batteries cost.

They were free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MoffKalast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
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The shopkeeper did what?

Went to buy manure yesterday. But the shopkeeper ignored me.
He didn't seem to give a shit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grammarjew--
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
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As English my second language, pretty proud of this one.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mamado21
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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I went to cake shop and all the cakes were Β£1 except one which was Β£3...

I asked the shopkeeper why and he said "That's Madeira cake"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jambo2016
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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A man walks into a pet store...

And asks the proprietor if she could recommend a bird cage. The shopkeeper replies that she has both plastic and metal varieties.

β€œWell what kind of metal is used in the metal one?” he asks?

β€œI’m not sure. Aluminum, I think,” she responds.

β€œDo you happen to know if it contains any nickel?”

β€œNo, I don’t believe it does,” she answers, looking puzzled.

β€œAh,” says the man. β€œSo what you’re saying is that it’s a nickel-less cage.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/darth-noxious
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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My wife goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?

"Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays $15.

When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs.

When my daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!" The girls laughs too.

When I get home the parrot says: "Fuck me Pete, haven't seen you for weeks!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gknights
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
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The other day when it was so cold, a friend of mine went to buy some long underwear.

The shopkeeper said to him, "How long do you want it?" And my friend said, "Well, from about September to March."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FalconerGuitars
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
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Arrr, it's a muteny!

A customer walks into a television shop and witnesses the shopkeeper trapped in a circle of tvs. All the customer can hear is the man whimpering and exclaiming, "I'm sorry, Im sorry; I won't sell any more of you!" The onlooker approaches and notices all of the tvs are displaying nothing but white noise on their screens, and all seem to be on mute.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skaebo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
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I went into a pet shop and asked for a dozen bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.

"You've given me one too many." "That one is a freebie."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sirlukethemodest
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
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I went to a pet shop and asked for twelve bees.

The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.

Me: "You've given me one too many"

Shopkeeper: "That one is a freebie."

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ALizardKing
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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