I've met a lot of people with low selfe...
SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. What you may not know is that Tuba is also an acronym for...
Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus
My refrigerator hurt my self confidence today...
I realized it was cooler than me.
My 9yo daughter’s second self-made dad joke. “Why was the hair behaving badly?”
I got in touch with my inner self today
I really need to start spending the extra money on 2 ply.
What's the worst part about buying a Self-driving car?
If you miss one payment, the car repo's it's self.
Jokes posted at night on this sub are always downvoted.
I guess this isn’t the place for dark humor.
I got in touch with my inner self today
And thats the last time i use 1 ply toilet paper
How does a network analyist identify their self at work?
Why are cashiers more happy and self aware?
Because they follow the in-voice.
I got in touch with my inner self today
I really need to buy 3ply toilet paper... and cut my finger nails.
I accidentally drank holy water with laxatives...
I'm about to start a religious movement.
Self defense
Did you guys hear Lady Gaga is releasing her own self defense school? It's called Krav Gaga....it's what you do if someone tries to poke yer face.
I just felt my inner self...
That's the last time I buy cheap toilet paper.
What's the best self-defense against a violent letter carrier?
Kick him in the male bag.
I've always licked my knife when I've finished.
And yet I always get the same, shocked look from the other surgeons.
I was doing a crossword puzzle when I got confused by a prompt that read “Seven letter word that means self-evident”.
I didn’t get it, though the answer was obvious.
As a self-employed, work-at-home guy during the pandemic
I'd like you to meet the employee of the month, Dick!Please stand up and be recognized.
What do you call a horny emo who practices self-control?
My buddy told me he needed to rent a self-storage unit.
I said, "What the hell for? You already have an apartment!"
What do you call a nut which has low self-esteem?
Did you hear about the guy who stole all those bananas at self checkout?
My local bakery has plans to start making deliveries with drones.
Sounds a bit pie in the sky to me.
What is the most self affirming condiment?
I stopped buying cheap toilet paper.
It was a pain in the ass.
I went to the library and asked for the self help section
They said if they told me it would defeat the purpose.
A toe-tally weird foot fetish
I used to be addicted to hokey pokey.
But then I turned myself around.
I thought this sub could use a little more self-deprecating humor...
... too bad I suck at telling jokes.
I accidentally commented on r/askreddit thinking it was this sub.
I came across a post that read, “What is the best response to, ‘Dad, I think I’m gay’?”
Without reading any context, I spontaneously commented, “Hi, gay. I’m dad.”
Lesson learned. Note to self: read full posts and double check the sub that it is under.
I feel bad for my younger self.
I have decided to pass my time in self-quarantine by streaming Sylvester Stallone movies.
Unfortunately, I'm off to a Rocky start.
My throat got horse from laughing
What do you call a short-tempered knight doing a high wire act?
TIL that for reasons of safety and self preservation, Koi fish travel in groups of 4.
If threatened, Koi A, B, & C will run... The D-Koi however, gets eaten.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
Because it was two-tired!
I got in touch with my inner self today
We really need to buy 2 ply tissue paper
I'm in touch with my inner self today.
We really need to buy two ply tissue.
I got in touch with my inner self today…
I really need to buy 2 ply next time!
Scuba stands for self contained underwater breathing apparatus, but did you know tuba is also an acronym?
For terrible underwater breathing apparatus
SCUBA, as a lesser known fact, is an acronym for: Self Contained Breathing Apparatus
And so is your good friend the TUBA, standing in for: Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus
I thought this sub could use a little more self-deprecating humor...
... too bad I suck at telling jokes.
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