I accidentally took a sedative and a laxative at the same time.

I slept like a baby.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
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My professor gave us a Presentation on Sedatives

I couldn't understand anything with all the slurred speech

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sprite3G
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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Lizards are particularly responsive to the sedative effects of chamomileon tea
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pnewell
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2017
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Why will people be sedated this new year’s eve?

Because it will be 2020 24 hours to go.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cbt711
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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Do you know why you have never seen a sedated duck?

Because they don’t take downers....

They smoke quack

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WeighedWilson
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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Doctor used some light sedation for my procedure the other day.

Not sure if it was working though because I didn’t feel a thing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PleaseBeSerious
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
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At midnight it will officially be Ramones time.

2020, 24 hours to go...

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
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Guy goes into a pet store

So a guy decides he wants to buy the world's most unique pet. He goes to the pet store.

He looks at a cat and a dog. Not unique enough.

He looks at a hamster and a guinea pig. Please.

The pet store guy shows him a porpoise in a tank. He says "what's unique about that" and the pet store guy says "this one will live forever".

So he buys two.

He takes them home and puts them in his bathtub.

He feeds them. He tries feeding them fish, shrimp, waffles, everything. They won't eat anything.

So he goes back to the pet store, and says "they won't eat anything I give them" and the pet store guy says "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, the only thing they will eat is mynah birds."

He says "mynah birds. Really?" and the pet store guy says "yep".

So he buys a couple mynah birds and takes them home.

When he gets home, there's a lion sleeping on his front step. Yes, a lion.

He thinks, that's a little strange, but I've got these mynahs and I've got to feed my pets. So he steps over the sleeping lion and takes the mynahs inside.

Just then, a cop jumps out of the bushes and arrests him.

He says "come on! What's the charge"

And the cop says

"transporting mynahs across a sedate lion for immortal porpoises"

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πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
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So a frog's cousin went to a bar....

... on Friday night and parked in a zone that allowed 24 hour parking on weekends, but only 2 hour parking during the week. While he was there, a family member slipped something into his drink and sold him to a gang that traffics in frog legs. After the amputation he was taken to a hospital. He woke up to his mother telling him him the story you just read. He was a bit froggy from the sedatives, so he said "whaaaa?".

She replied: "I to'd you, toad, you got towed because you we're de-toed by de toad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dakkamakka
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
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My dad at the hospital (after having a vasectomy)

my dad had these tubes in his nose, with oxygen when he woke up, and the nurse was around doing medical stuff..

Dad: Is these tubes necessary? can I take them out?

Nurse: I can try turning them off?

nurse is turning the medical ventilator off ...

My dad grasps for air

Nurse jumps in shock turning the ventilator on again and turns to look at my stupid father laughing

Nurse: "YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE, DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!"

My dad was pretty woozy at the time and still he made the practical joke of the year

Haha! ahh I love that old bastard..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mons388
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2013
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Before we were married, my wife said she’d go out with me if I knew a six letter word that’s a synonym for β€œcalm”...

I said, β€œIt’s sedate.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
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Colon Surgery

It was a while ago, so I forget the exact circumstances, but I remember walking in the hospital room where my dad was just after he had surgery done on his colon. Lying there, still heavily sedated, he laughed a little and said:

"I feel bad for my doctor. He works with real assholes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nater5000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2014
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2020 24 hours to go!

I wanna be sedated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChristopherLove
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report

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