Schindler Group Puns

After nearly five years of declining health, on January 13th, 1972, the 79-year-old Führer, Hermann Göring, finally succumbed to the illnesses that had been caused by his extensive use of drugs before he got clean in the ‘50s. Of course, none of that was known by the general populace, and it was declared that the Führer had died “suddenly from natural causes.” But to those in the Party & Government, this had been expected for quite a while, and various players had already crafted their own plans that were to be put into motion after his death. Despite the cover up, suspicions had been raised after Reichsführer-SS Reinhard Heydrich began to spend a significant part of the last year in Berlin, a sure sign that trouble was brewing.

Photograph from the State Funeral of Führer Hermann Göring

It didn’t take long for the first moves to be put into action. On the January 20th, just two hours after Göring’s State Funeral ended, all of the televisions & radios began to broadcast the same message, that an Emergency Government had been formed under the leadership of the SS. Despite the Schutzstaffel’s transformation after Göring’s takeover from a paramilitary into an intelligence agency/secret police force, Heydrich had ensured that he had a secret corps of elite “pacifiers” to be used in “times of great public disturbance.” It was this group that began to lock down the streets of Berlin. But while Heydrich was securing the Capital, the rest of the country was not so easily cowed. With the assistance of Generalfeldmarschall Hans Speidel, Chief of the General Staff of the German Army High Command; Deputy Führer Franz Josef Strauss, Minister of Foreign Affairs Gerhard Schröder, and Minister of the Interior Oskar Schindler were taken out of the capital before they could be detained, while Minister of Economics Hermann Josef Abs, with the support of Minister of War Arndt Krupp von Bohlen und Halbach, had already boarded a plane to the Ruhr, where he was trying to gather support from the remaining corporate conglomerates for his own bid for the Office of Führer. Meanwhile, Minister of Reich Architecture Albert Speer, one of the last surviving members of Hitler’s inner circle, surprisingly rendezvoused with Strauss, seemingly in a show of support for him to succeed Göring. With the three main contenders now racing to shore up supp

Historical Log of broadcasts during the Tamid Years...

Year 2072 - December 5th, 11:11 AM

General Lukas kneeled before Ta'Goarx, the general had a plasma collar around his throat and Ta'Goarx gripped its control ring in his massive hand.

The scene was being displayed on screens around all that was once the human worlds as the twelve foot Tamids with their probability-disruption rifles marched through the streets.

"Tell them humans are conquered so they know."

"The general looked to humanity, defeat written across his face, but a glint in his eye "Like Norway fell to Nazi Germany, like India fell to British rule, like the French poor fell to the powerful French nobles, Like Rome defeated the Barbarians, today, humanity has fallen, and we must be loyal to them, we are now subservient, much like Schindler and the French to the Third Reich. Like the Martian Musk Kingdom, I pray that my fellow humans do not sacrifice themselves in vain."

With that, the plasma collar super-heated, instantly severing the general's neck from his head. Ta'Goarx looked to the camera, "Do you hear that humanity? From now on, we are in charge, and you serve us. That is all."

Year 2072 - December 5th, 11:15 AM

"Wikipedia's servers have crashed all across the Sol system due to heavy traffic, they should be back up in an hour."

Year 2073 - March 18th, 2:43 PM

"News Report, Earth, this is Amy Sanders. Our glorious leader, Ta'Goarx, and the Tamid empire lost another battle on the front of the inner Orion Spur. Even though they have shared schematics with us, we must all do our part, much like the Norwegian factories in World War 2, the Tamids need our renewed efforts. Earth is an important staging ground for this. They realize our factories are low quality compared to theirs, and not all weapons produced will work right. They have heard our requests, and they are streamlining our shipping routes and space industry to ensure improved quality. In unrelated news, a Tamid Sergent near the front lines was killed today when some faulty ordinance went off in his bunk."

Year 2073 - June 29th, 7:27 PM

"News Report, Pluto, this is Julia Cristof. Quality of supplies continue to drop for the Glorious Tamid war effort. Experts are citing a lack of compatibility between Human production methods and Tamid production methods. Tamid factories will be producing Human-standard parts for the next solar year in order to rectify this. In other news, a front lines regiment of pr

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”

“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.

Mentos

(I will see myself out)

The doctor says it terminal.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.

Gender is fluid.

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

But let me give it a shot.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

He’s the new temp.

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

And boy are my arms legs.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

Amy

Put it on my bill

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

They’re on standbi