Sami Hedberg Puns

Okay so there were at least 6 shows that happened tonight. Let's see the results.

• First there's Finland Season 3, where >!Yksisarvinen!< were eliminated and it was revealed to be TWO people, one of them being >!Sami Hedberg, the winner of Season 1!<

• Then there's Bulgaria Season 3, where >!Pearl!< was FINALLY eliminated after constant risk after risk after risk.

• Next, there's Denmark, where >!Swan!< was eliminated. Honestly deserved here.

• After that, there's Norway Season 2, where >!Golden Pig!< was eliminated. No comment for this one myself.

• Then there's Ukraine Season 2, where >!Owlet!< was eliminated. Robbed.

• Finally, there's Germany Season 5, where >!Teddy!< was eliminated first and was revealed to be >!Annemarie Carpendale, the host of the aftershow!<. Then FINALLY >!Axolotl!< was FINALLY unmasked. Good fucking riddance.

For the Devils, it definitely has to be the past 9 years after the 2012 Cup Finals. I'll do sort of bullet points to say everything that went wrong

2012 Offseason:

-Lost Parise

-Did nothing to change our old goaltending tandem

-Select Stefan Matteau instead of Tanner Pearson in the NHL Draft (Kings one-upping us again in 2012)

2012-13 Season:

-Start season 10-3-4

-Marty Brodeur gets injured

-Because of our old goaltending tandem, an old Johan Hedberg is forced to start, leading to a terrible losing streak (also DeBoer not playing any other goaltender)

-Brodeur comes back from injury but Kovalchuk gets injured right after that

-Devils can't score at all, and have a big 10 game losing streak, putting them out of the playoffs.

2013 Offseason:

-To attend to goaltending issues and Brodeur retiring in the near future, Lou trades a first which would become Bo Horvat for Cory Schneider

-David Clarkson leaves free agency saving the Devils from a terrible contract

-Devils sign Ryane Clowe to replace David Clarkson along with Michael Ryder

-On July 11th, a huge turn of events for the franchise, Ilya Kovalchuk announces an early retirement from the NHL to go to the KHL. Leaving a team bereft of forward talent, heading toward the iceberg (Titanic reference)

-After the Kovalchuk retirement, Lou gets desperate and signs Jaromir Jagr to replace him (he ends up playing great for us)

-Also Devils draft Miles Wood in the 2013 Draft which has turned out well

2013-14 Season:

-Devils run a 1a/1b system with a not so great Marty Brodeur and a Vezina caliber Cory Schneider

-With Kovalchuk's absence the Devils can't score for shit, and barely hold onto the last seed as the season goes on

-And they finally play in an outdoor game that was not only monumental for the franchise but for the season and they start Marty after Cory allowed 2 goals in the last 2 games to put the Devils on brink of a playoff spot. Devils go up 3-1 and then get blown out 7-3 in an embarassing game.

-And because of the lack of forward talent, the Devils go 0-13 in the shootout, setting an NHL record. They fall 5 points out of the playoffs, and only 6 wins in that shootout would have put them in a playoff spot

2014 Offseason:

-Lou continues to panic and signs Mike Cammalleri and Martin Havlat to cover the holes left by terrible drafting

-Marty finally agrees to part ways. Ending the era for the greatest goaltender in franchise history and league history. Eventually signing with the

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”

“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.

The doctor says it terminal.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.

Gender is fluid.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Put it on my bill

Amy

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

They’re on standbi

BamBOO!

A play on words.

Calcium, nickel, neon

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.