Did you hear about the frog that was double parked outside the club?

He got toad.

It was worth it though... That club was hopping.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tertiam
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
8 Year Old's Bee Pun - Proud Mom Moment

I was walking the other day with my son when he noticed a bee. I told him to leave it alone, to which he replied, "I'll be careful. Get it?! BEE!"

I was beginning to lose hope that he wasn't ever going to understand or appreciate puns! He's in the club now!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MedievalSpice
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Two termites walk into a bar…

One says is the bar tender here?

Edit:Conma comma comma comma comma chameleon. Because the people who like this joke are a Cultured Club

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Where does Boy George get his flat-breads from...?

Kulcha club

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JamLov
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I launched the bowling ball down the lane and got a strike.

I've since been banned from the swimming club.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
"Do you know what?"

My kids have gotten to saying this a bunch, so now I reply like a dad...

"Oh ya! We went to the same New Year's party once."

"Sure! He makes the best crab dip."

"Big beard? Lousy tipper?"

"The tattoo guy?"

"Biblically."

"Gave him a 5-star Uber review."

"He was the best man at my wedding."

"I think I owe him $20."

"The bouncer at the club!? How do YOU know him?"

"Doesn't he work at the bakery next to PetSmart?"

"I heard he once punched a cop and broke his nose!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uncorked119
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Caveman 1: "I've heard that a dinosaur won't hurt me if I carry a club. Is that true?"

Caveman 2: "That depends on how fast you carry the club."

(Yes, I'm aware of the anachronisms.)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wimpykidfan37
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Dad, I need help writing a sentence using the word "irony."

Try this : I licked a golf club and it tasted irony.

πŸ‘︎ 189
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πŸ‘€︎ u/heavyduty1930
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Rimshot

The seasoned comedian at a night club was telling the new guy, β€œIf you want a good spot in the line up, you’ll have to suck up to the club manager.”

β€œNo way! I’m no brown noser. In fact, I’m writing this into my next routine, that’ll show her.”

He went back to his room and started thinking and writing.

The next weekend the old comedian was surprised when the new guy was first up on stage. He went through his routine flawlessly, never saying a mean word against the club’s manager... In fact he thanked her repeatedly.

The old comedian was astonished and asked, β€œWhat happened?”

β€œWell I wanted to stand my ground, ...but, um... bum kissed”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BigfootNick
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Decided to make a new stripe club today

We only play β€œHey There Delilah”. The club will called the Plain White Tease.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Might-Aromatic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"

The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club"

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a hoagie at a party with loud music?

A club sandwich

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
First rule of β€œMute Club”

Nobody talks about β€œMute Club”

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Xenex2005
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Who is most fond of gag gifts?

The BDSM club

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dodsdans
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My 1st meeting

Went to my 1st Rotary club meeting.. surprisingly has nothing to do with old phones..

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scouter1973
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
A group of people meet up and eat together every night. But they do not talk about it.

They are part of the bite club

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/legend_1_am
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I became a vegetarian

Becoming vegetarian was a huge missed steak.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

So I said lettuce eat.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yanze03
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What's a Navy SEAL's least favourite drink?

Canadian Club.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A cut above

Everyone was so excited at the Autopsy club.....
It was open Mike night.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MilPens
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Luck rituals in the Australian Open.

I was golfing in the Australian Open for the first time. I noticed all the pros were putting various condiments on their clubs. Salt on a putter, brown sauce on a driver, ketchup on a 9-iron.

I my caddy why they were doing it, and he explained that an Australian thing for good luck.

Now, by that time I had already shot straight into a sand trap so I said to him: "Too bad I didn't know about it. I really could use some of that luck right about now."

He just smiled...

...and gave me a vegemite sand-wedge.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BrianBoyko
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A man and a woman are sitting eating breakfast one day

And the wife says "if I died would you get remarried?" The man says " no don't ask that it's absurd". The wife asks for the next few days until she asks once more and he says "yes." The wife then says "would you sell the house?" The man says "no" she says "would you sell our bed?" The man replies " no no it's our bed" the wife says "would you give her my golf clubs? The man replies "no she's left handed"

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EfficientStudent6
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What's a golfer's favorite pastime activity?

Clubbing.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fruntledumjam
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you build a house with playing cards

Start a Club

Win their hearts

Give them tools and Spades

Pay them with diamonds

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I was born with a club foot...

TIL that the famous ancient Egyptian boy king also had club feet.

So I guess we have that in Tutankhamen

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MaestroM45
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the fight in the biscuit tin?

The bandit hit the penguin over the head with a club, tied him to a wagon wheel with a blue ribbon, and made his breakaway in a taxi, escaping along the rocky road to mars, the milky way, and the Galaxy.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BadgerEatCheese
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Which playing cards are the best dancers?

The king and queen of clubs

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/extremeavYT
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you put a blunt wooden weapon inbetween two slices of bread?

A club sandwich.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OrikamiPanio
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Marriage is like a card game.

At first, you have two Hearts and a Diamond, but at the end, you'll want a Club and a Spade.

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
So a group of nuns is golfing near some men

A man swings his club and fails to hit the ball.

Man: God damnit, I missed.

A nun shakes her head in disapproval. The man swings again and misses yet again

Man: Damnit, I missed again!

Nun: Sir, if you keep on swearing like that, you're gonna go to hell.

The man then laughs and dismisses the nun's comment. He makes one more attempt at hitting the ball, but to no avail.

Man: God fucking damnit!

The sky then goes dark, a lightning bolt strikes the nun, and you can hear a thundery voice say, "God damnit, I missed."

πŸ‘︎ 412
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FroYo10101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I lost 40 kilograms in 1 week

The weightlifting club fired me soon after.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nudnick1977
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What is 50 cent's favorite sandwich?

Da club

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/7V3N
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Marriage is like a deck of cards

It starts with Hearts and Diamonds and ends with a Club and a Spade

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you have to do to become a member of the Golf Equipment Repair Association?

Join the club

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. β€œI’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”

Hair Club Salesperson: β€œWell sir, how much do you want toupee?”

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the chicken get into the club?

Because it was a turkey club

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ulises-lima
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A seal waddles into a bar...

The bartender asks,"What will it be mr. Seal?"

He replies,"Anything but a Canadian Club!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I came up with this one myself

Are you the one who signed up for the pee drinking club because if so urine

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cartman8764
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad once told me

Stay out of strip clubs son, you might see something you shouldn’t. So of course, I went, and he was right. I saw my dad.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Square-jig
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Bad at golf

Join the club.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tyrannosaur85
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Bad at golf?

Join the club.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report

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