Hey Redditors, I am helping to host a trade show and the theme is "Game Changer." One subject line I made was "Still Pawn-dering about -trade show-?" and I am trying to keep it along the lines of Chess, Checkers, and Scrabble, or other board games. Thank you in advance for reading and/or your help!
Jack was amazing at every subject, English, maths, science, history, you name it, he aced it.
He never made a mark below 100, he was valedictorian and spoke in front of the whole school during graduation.
He got countless requests from top-line universities. Such as Harvard, Stanford and Oxford to name a few.
I hadn't seen Jack in a couple years since. When me and my family went to the marine park, we saw Jack working there!
I go "Jack! You had a whole future, career in front of you! You could've cured cancer and many other diseases. You basically threw away your purpose that was put in front of your eyes and face!"
Jack goes, "I don't know, seems like I'm feeding a pretty good porpoise."
Is this the punch line?
Ass skin for a friend.
A dude is getting ready to take his girlfriend to his mates wedding. First he goes to rent his kilt but there’s a long line at the kilt shop.
When they get to the reception they go to congratulated the bride and groom. But there is a long congratulations line.
They then go to get some drinks before the meal. But there is a long drinks line and it takes ages
Then he goes to request his dates favourite song so they can have a dance. But there is a long DJ line and it takes forever.
When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over and just like this rambling joke there is no punchline.
A man visits a tattoo parlor with a rather simple, but strange request. He requests a short, straight line tattooed on his upper arm.
Once the first tattoo heals, he returns, asking for another, exactly the same as the first.
After a few more visits, it becomes clear to the tattoo artist that he's tattooing tally marks on the customer's arm.
Curiosity getting the better of the tattoo artist, he asks, "What are you counting?"
The man answers, "How many tattoos I have."
HI I’m Tim the turtle, yes a real turtle. And I would like to tell you the story of my best friend. I once had a friend by the name of Sam. Sam of course was a clam. A real live honest to goodness clam. He was my best buddy, but unfortunately he smoked and drank and ran around with loose women (and a few men). I was more of the goodie two shoes type. I never drank, never smoked, I didn’t even swear. But for some reason Sam and I were the best of friends. I guess you can say we were the epitome of opposites attracting. One day as we were hanging out walking along the beach Sam, after his fifth cigarette in a row, had a heart attack and died. I was heart broken. My best friend died right there in front of me and he never repented his evil ways. I was sure he would spend eternity in damnation. Sigh. Being the goodie two shoes type I was still extremely healthy well into my old age. I missed my friend terribly for many years. On his birthday I would host a party and invite his old stripper girlfriends and poker buddies around to relive stories. It was always a fun evening, but in the end left me more lonely than before. Eventually, my broken heart couldn’t stand it anymore and I too died. I was pleased to find that there was a heaven. Being an almost saint I was whisked directly past the line to the Pearly Gates to be greeted by St. Peter. A big grin erupted on his face and he came right around his desk to give me a great big hug. “Tim”, he said, “You have been such a good person back on earth that God has asked me to grant you any wish you would like before even entering heaven”. To say I was flabbergasted is an understatement. I thought for a minute, I guess God expected me to ask for more time on earth, but I knew what I really wanted to do was to visit with my old friend Sam. So I asked. Poor St. Peter didn’t know what to say. You know Sam is in Hell right? Well I knew that was a strong possibility so I wasn’t surprised. Peter excused himself for a while and went to check with the big guy himself. He was gone quite some time, but eventually he returned. Peter said my request was approved, but under a few conditions. First, I would have to carry a golden harp as a passport back into heaven. This harp could only be carried by a good soul so I couldn’t be replaced by a look alike demon. Second, I would have to return by midnight. God didn’t want me to face too much temptation. I agreed to these conditions and took the highway down to hell. (Nope n
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