Quickie Puns

Behind this guy buying condoms and cough drops... I think to myself, man this guy is fucking sick.

After a long and grueling day with our 2-year-old son mastering the art of the tantrum, my wife and I finally hit the hay.

Me: "Ahhh, bed."

Wife: "It's the beddiest bed in the world."

Me: "I couldn't have said it any bedder myself."

• First dadjoke post for me, be gentle. :)

Same thing as a quickie, but you do it alone.

A man walks into a diner and sits down. The waitress approached him and asks him what he would like. The man replies: “I want a quickie!” The waitress tells him that what he said is very rude and to be serious. The man asks for a quickie again. The waitress gets mad and walks away. 5 minutes later she comes back and says: “Sir, last chance. What do you want?” The man says “I want a quickie!” The man behind him turns around and says: “Uh, sir? Yeah, I believe it’s pronounced QUICHE.”