My brother just broke the record by downing 22 Russian jets in Ukraine

He’ll forever be remembered as the worst mechanic in the Russian Air Force

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GiGGLED420
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2022
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun, and one brought nothing but a few cough drops.

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FancyAlligator
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2022
🚨︎ report
Three Generals - one Army, one Air Force, and one Marine - are having lunch together and striking up a lively conversation, when the subject turns to bravery.

The Air Force General says to the others, "I am proud to lead some of the bravest Airmen in the world. Watch this." He looks out the window and sees a passing Airman. "Hey, Airman!" he shouts, "see that shed? Inside is a nest of rattlesnakes. I want you to kill one for me!"

"Yes, sir!" the Airman shouts and runs off to get a long pole. Using the pole, he beats a rattlesnake to death and pulls it out. "See?" the Air Force General says, "bravery."

"Hah, that's nothing!" says the Marine General, "watch this. Hey, Marine!" he yells out the window at a passing Marine, "see that shed? Inside is a nest of rattlesnakes. Kill 2 of them for me!"

"Aye, sir!" yells the Marine and he charges in, grabbing 2 rattlesnakes and strangling them to death with his bare hands. "See?" the Marine General says, "bravery."

"Hah, that's nothing!" says the Army General, "watch this. Hey, Soldier!" he yells out the window at a passing Soldier, "see that shed? Inside is a nest of rattlesnakes. Kill 3 of them for me!"

"Fuck no, sir! I'm not doing that shit!" yells the Soldier. "See?" the Army General says, "bravery."

πŸ‘︎ 129
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/comradeaidid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2022
🚨︎ report
We should send Ben Shapiro to Ukraine

Give him 5 minutes and he would DESTROY Russian forces

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NutellaOreoReeses
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2022
🚨︎ report
There was this tramp…

One cold winter's morning he was walking along a country road, when he heard a cry for help from a nearby lake.

He turned to see a little girl struggling in the broken ice in the middle of the lake. She'd been skating and had fallen into the icy water. Without a moment's hesitation the tramp ran onto the ice and slipped and slided over to the little girl. He managed to pull her out without breaking the ice further and he carried her back to the road.

He took off his coat and wrapped the little girl in it and began looking for a car to flag down. A few moments later a huge chauffeur-driven limo pulled up, and who stepped out but the little girl's father - the mayor of the nearby town and a multi-millionaire.

"How can I ever thank you sir?" says the father after putting his daughterinto the warmth of the limo.

"Just name your price - I'm a wealthy man."

"Ahem, well ..." stammered the tramp "...eh I'm a little short of cash, perhaps you could help me out"

"Certainly" says the girl's father and he pulls out his wallet.

"Oh dear" says the father, "I don't carry much cash with me, I only have ten dollars - but come home with me and I'll get more from the safe"

"No! No!" says the tramp, "Why ten dollars is more money than I've seen in my whole life - that will be plenty".

"Well, if you insist" says the father - "now what will you do with your money?"

"Oh that's easy" says the tramp "I've not had a rest in 20 years. I think I'll buy myself a holiday"

"Well good luck" says the father, and he gets into the car and signals his chauffeur to drive home.

"Ten Dollars" thinks the tramp, "I'm rich! I'm rich!", and off he goes to the town, to buy himself a holiday.

He finds a travel agent, walks in - much to the disgust of the staff - and goes up to the desk.

"I'll have one holiday please!"

"Ahem, which holiday would sir like" asked the girl at the desk, forcing a smile.

"Oh, any holiday I don't mind" replied the tramp.

"Well how much money does sir have to spend on sir's holiday?"

"Oh lots - anything up to ten dollars"

"TEN DOLLARS!! You'll never get a holiday for ten dollars" says the girl incredulously.

"Oh dear" said the tramp, "and I was so looking forward to a holiday - I'll probably never get another chance - isn't there anything you can do?"

"Well I don't think so sir, but hold on and I'll check"

The girl goes into the back of the shop, and searches in the deepest, dustiest filing drawers she can find. There - to her amazement -

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FancyAlligator
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2022
🚨︎ report
why did arwen and aragorn choose frodo to be the ring bearer ?

Force of hobbit

πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2022
🚨︎ report
How did Yoda get his first Lead?

He used the Sales Force

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ok_Fun_1974
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2022
🚨︎ report
December 17th, 1944. The Battle of the Bulge has begun.

The winter is cold and cruel, and the artillery is raining down. The Germans are coming. It's up to the Allies to resist the Nazi offensive.

In a trench, there's a grizzled American infantryman smoking a cigarette. He seems to be wholly unfazed by the earth-shaking hellfire just above his head. Across from him are two Australian reinforcements who had only recently joined the Allied forces. He eyes them with a brutal intensity.

Flicking his cigarette butt onto the battlefield, he addresses the two. "Reinforcements, huh? So you must have come here just to die."

"Noy," one says. "We cime heah yeste'die!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nine_legged_stool
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2022
🚨︎ report
A man obsessed with trains finally steals one

and immediately crashes it, killing several people.

At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.

Before he faces his sentence, he’s offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him.

The next day, he’s led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.

There’s never been a failure before. But because you cannot punish a person twice for the same crime, the court is forced to let him go free.

Within a week’s time, naturally, the man, who is obsessed with trains, goes and steals another one.

He doesn’t care that he can’t drive it or that he failed catastrophically before; he is obsessed with trains and his only desire is to operate one. As before, he crashes it, and kills several people.

Again, he stands trial, and again, he is sentenced to death, showing no remorse, only delight that he got to operate the train.

His last meal request is a single banana. When he goes to the chair, the executioner pulls the switch, but nothing happens. He goes free again.

The train-obsessed maniac, once more on the loose, wastes no time in hijacking a train and crashing it.

His trial is speedy, because this has already happened twice, and he is sentenced to death.

They ask him what he’d like for his last meal. β€œA single banana,” he says.

β€œOh, no you don’t, you son of a bitch. We’re on to you, now. We know all about your little banana trick, and you’re not escaping this time!”

The guards refuse his request, and instead serve him a standard last meal of steak, potatoes, and berry cobbler.

The next morning they strap him into the electric chair, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.

β€œDid you give him the banana?” demands the head guard.

β€œNo, sir! He asked for the banana but we didn’t give it to him, we swear!” says one of the guards.

Turns out the banana had nothing to do with anything. He was just a really bad conductor.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Soylent_Milk2021
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is THX Surround Sound grateful?

because it says thanks...

stupid rules forced me to write something here though all the 'joke' is already fully conveyed in the question... smh

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Insterquiliniis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2022
🚨︎ report
My daughter asked me how the orchestra was tonight

I took my wife to the orchestra. I'm not a huge fan, but it was her birthday present. The evening was a night of Rachmaninoff.

It's been an evening, and they get to his 9th symphony. It's a longer piece, and there's this whole movement where it's all percussion and wind instruments. The bassists leave the stage, and two cellists also step away. No big deal. The cellists apparently went back to the conductor's dressing room and began having sex, which I think is just awesome. The bassists went to the green room and started drinking. They knew how long they had. When one of the younger guys noticed the time almost up, an older one stopped him, and let him know that he threaded the score pages together, forcing the conductor to vamp and cover while he opened the rest of the score. That gives them a bit more time. When they get back to the stage, they're really drunk. The cellists still haven't returned. The conductor is frantically trying to undo his score while maintaining the piece. I'm watching this all, gleefully. It's the best concert I ever saw. My wife is a bit frustrated though, and whispers to me "why are you so pleased?"

I tell her, "It's the bottom of the 9th, the score is tied, the basses are loaded and there are two out!"

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ArthurRiot
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I don’t believe in supernatural forces

I think that’s why these forces are trying to hurt me.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/afarro
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2021
🚨︎ report
What's Isaac Newton's favorite kind of humor?

Forced humor...

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scorpodile_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the archaeopteryx catch the worm?

He was an early bird!

My 10 year old told me this one- the force is strong

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SirVipe5
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2021
🚨︎ report
How does Darth Vader Eat With a Mask On?

He force feeds himself.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTwitchDJ
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2021
🚨︎ report
There was an accident at the local marijuana dispensary where a delivery driver hit and killed a customer in the parking lot.

They say the cause of death was blunt force trauma.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rurne
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you identify the Catholics at a Star Wars convention?

When you say, "May the force be with you!"

The Catholics all respond, "And with your spirit!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lodiman77
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I would put a star wars joke

But I don't wanna force it

πŸ‘︎ 504
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thatTurtleguy1234
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend smoked a lot of weed and thought he could stop a train with jedi powers.

He died of blunt force trauma.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JUSTMartas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2021
🚨︎ report
A teenager drives up to his crush's house the day before school prom and asks if she would like to dance with him.

She excitedly says yes, and the boy spends the entirety of the next day preparing for the big day.

The first thing he does to make it extra fancy is to rent a limousine for a day (yes, he is rich), but when he arrives at the rental center, he notices that many other people had the same idea. There was an enormous line that stretched out the building. Nevertheless, this boy was determined to make this night a special night, and waited for hours. Luckily, he succeeded in the end, and rented a shiny black limo. He was starting to get really excited.

After that, he goes to the tailor to pick up a brand new suit and tie to look as sharp as possible. But once again, the line for that wrapped around the block and forced the boy to wait another long hour. He sighed, but still waited in line, as he was quite persistent and knew it would be well worth it in the end. In the end, though, he got a perfect suit that fit him well. No wrinkles, no nothing; it was just pure handsomeness.

Then, the moment came. In his limousine, he once again drove up to his crush's house, well-dressed in the brand new suit he just bought. She came out looking stunning as well in an aqua dress that sparkled in the evening sunlight. Excited as ever, she leaped into the fancy limo and rode to prom with him, ready for the big night.

When they arrived, however, there was yet another long line into the ballroom, as many people needed to be accepted. It was quite a busy night. After half an hour of waiting, the couple finally made it through and began dancing. It was all going really well, and everyone was having quite a grand time.

A few hours later, they became thirsty and went to get a drink. Both him and his girlfriend were in the mood for fruit punch, but nobody else seemed to want it. When they entered the snack bar, they noticed more long lines of people wanting to get other snacks and drinks, but surprisingly... there was no punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 122
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PiGuy88
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Love is like a fart

If you have to force it it's probably crap

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CalOrCaleb
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Two chemistry teachers at my school hated each other...

Two chemistry professors at my school hated each other. No one knows why the rivalry started, but it escalated from common pranks to elaborate traps using their knowledge of chemical reactions. After one particular prank resulted in the fire alarm being triggered, the dean had enough. He ordered the two to sit together in the lounge at lunch and spend their free periods in each other's classroom.

Over the school year, they began to get to know each other better and eventually became friends. They became god-parents to each other's children, attended their graduations, and even saw them married. After the two men retired, they continued to spend time together, they learned to make YouTube and TikTok videos about chemistry and even went golfing together. If they never hated each other enough to devise elaborate pranks, they never would have been forced to spend time together and eventually become friends connected by their love of chemistry.

It was an ironic bond.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SgtBrowncoat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2021
🚨︎ report
My father's favorite joke.

My dad passed away about 3 years ago. Now that I am a dad as well I thought I would pass on his favorite joke, bear with me cuz its long, but worth it...

A poor man who lives in a straw hut wants to to impress his neighbor. So he works for 3 months, enough to buy a fancy chair at the market. He calls his neighbor over for dinner one night and has him sit in the chair at dinner. He asks his neighbor, " isn't this a very nice chair? " To which the neighbor replies "it's okay i guess"...

Heartbroken, after the neighbor leaves, the man takes the chair upstairs and puts it in a closet and thinks.. maybe it was not a nice enough chair...

He then works 6 months, leaves his little straw hut and hitches a ride to the city and buys an extravagant chair with velvet padding. Once again he has his neighbor over for dinner, this time the neighbor says "it's nice, but I've seen better"

Sad, the man stores the chair in the upstairs closet. But the man could not be deterred.

He then worked for an entire year, left his little straw hut and went all the way to the capitol and bought a gaudy, gold painted chair with lion motifs and silk pillows.

The neighbor comes over to dinner and says. "Wow, what an ugly chair!"

Furious, the man grabs the chair, marches upstairs and throws it in the closet with such force that his entire straw hut collapses.

I guess people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones...

πŸ‘︎ 254
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/graffd02
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
🚨︎ report
My Dad just woke me this morning to ask if I heard about William Shatner

Dad: Did you hear that William Shatner is going to space?

Me: Yeah, Jeff Bezos is sending him up

Dad: He's 90-Years old. The G-Forces alone pose a huge health risk

Me: I guess it's getting easier and easier to put people into space

Dad: If they're not careful, they'll turn him into William Shattered

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GigaFluxx
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2021
🚨︎ report
A man was driving down the road when his car breaks down near a monastery.

He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before.

The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night; he tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, the man is forced to leave. Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again. The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk.” The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk." The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk."

The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks." In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception."

The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound." The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door." The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond. Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door." The man is apprehensive; his life's wish is behind that door! With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/QualityProof
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Today I unfriend one of my friends.

Today he forced me to watch him ate my clock and then throw it in the trash after 5 bites. I unfriend him because He's wasting my time and it's very time consuming. Should we become friends again and spend our times together?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SirWeFuckedUp
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Canmering Away At The Various Nailheads Of Life

Recently, my brother came a-knocking upon my chamber door. At first, I ignored his knockings, as I was otherwise indisposed, but eventually I relented, arose from my recumbent pose upon my comparatively humble pallet, and went to my door, the lintel of which is obviously forsaken of and unornamented by a bust of Pallas, yet I am not Poe's somewhat well-to-do narrator, so....I digress. Let me just finally arrive at the whole point and punchline of this particular and peculiar yet picayune semi-autobiographical story: So, I flung wide open the door, but neither so suddenly nor violently as to so take my brother off his guard that said flinging door struck him full in the face, but with still such a show of force that he well knew that he had awakened to full furiousness the rather sporadically beastly person who dwelt behind it. At any rate, startled by my unoccluding of the door or not, the first thing out of his mouth was a query concerning my collection of tools, which is even humbler than my pallet. In short, he inquired of me as to whether or not I possessed a hammer, to which inquiry I replied only that I used to, and then made a brief, dumb show of gesturally looking for it. When my silly and simple search proved fruitless, I then said, upon seeing a stack of canned food that sat upon the splintered shelf in the marred and ancient armoire that formerly belonged to our deceased father, "What if you were to use this can? Or, if you like, this CANMER"? (And thus concludes my hardly lengthy nor revelatory tale. Lol)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Texasbirdsouffle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2021
🚨︎ report
What's Up?

The direction directly anti-parallel to the force of gravity.

Cute. But what I meant was: What's going down?

Anything accelerating in a gravity field. Why do you ask?

No, no. I'm asking you: What is going on?

Any object proceeding kinematically from here to any other point in the same direction as its current velocity vector. ... ... Are you ever going to tell me what you want?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yehoodig
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2021
🚨︎ report
My 8yr old daughter got me with "I can breathe under water"

She filled a cup of water placed it on her head and began to violently and rapidly breathe in and out. The force is strong with her.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theevildave
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fleet of flying fruit

The Royal pear force

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theswagdodo11
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Picture this: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas.

Global chaos ensues.

The disease wipes out 99% of humanity, and the desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My Ukrainian wife's obstetrician had me arrested at our prenatal check up

I was charged with criminal intent to force my wife into Slav labor.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/writenroll
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Organic humor

I hate a forced joke; you just have to let it hap-pun.

(Clearly a joke meant to be read out loud, very subtly putting the emphasis on the last syllable)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jamierandolph218
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Why shouldn't you upset a Jedi Chef?

They'll force feed you.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/s0apyjam
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a relationship between two Jedi?

A Forced relationship.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EgonVector
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Great joke, albeit a bit long winded.

There was once a boy. He was the son of the richest man in the universe. Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, he dwarfed them all. He was a multi-trillionaire. Now, it was this boy's birthday. His father asked him,

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. A store full of lego, all the video games in the world, anything. What would you like?"

His son replied.

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one pink ping pong ball."

His father was rather confused by this request. Out of all the things he could've chosen, his son chose a ping pong ball. Nonetheless, he agreed and gave him a pink ping pong ball. His son was overjoyed and spoke to him.

"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong ball?"

"Okay son, go ahead."

The boy then went up to his room and played with his pink ping pong ball. When his father went in the next morning to check on him, the boy was sleeping in his bed and the pink ping pong ball was nowhere to be found.

On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"

His son replied.

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one box full of pink ping pong balls."

His father was again, confused by this. Still, he bought a cardboard box and filled it with ping pong balls. He gave it to his son, who said.

"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong balls?"

The father nodded, and the son went up to his room to play. The next morning when his father went to check, the boy was sleeping peacefully and there were no pink ping pong balls in sight. Just the empty cardboard box in the middle of the room.

On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one truck full of ping pong balls."

Now, by this point, the father was extremely confused. Why did the boy want so many pink ping pong balls and where were they going? He asked.

"My son. You are the most precious thing in the world to me and I can certainly get you this, but may I ask, why do you want

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phrresehelp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
I keep reading The Lord of the Rings over and over again and I can't stop.

I guess it is just a force of Hobbit

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eater-of-Tacos
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
🚨︎ report
What does Yoda do when he hears a pun?

He forces a laugh

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tjmaxal
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call masses and accelerations holding firearms?

Armed forces

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/minimikjr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did Bilbo Baggins not want to give up the ring?

It was a force of hobbit.

πŸ‘︎ 104
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Suffocatedwallaby
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
πŸš€ β€πŸŒ•Cybertruck Prototype πŸŒ• β€πŸš€

β€πŸš€πŸŒ• ‍ELON TWEET HYPE, BUT WITH LEGIT LONG TERM DEVS . πŸŒ• β€πŸš€
Strap in and get ready to launch.

This was created by a professional dev team of HOGL And BUFFTOWN (Developers of HOGL and Shield) They are dedicating their spare time to launch this as a meme project that will explode. Get in. We’re going to run this long term for listings on both CMC and Gecko.
Cybertruck Prototype has an ambitious core team of experienced Crypto veterans, all working day and night ( I mean this, we actually forced one to stay up well past his bed time while in the voice channel. ) to make sure we get to the moon fast, and safe.

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ 4.6MM 24Hour Volume⭐️⭐️ ⭐️
⭐️ Market Cap as of typing this 2.3MM⭐️

INCOMING CATALYSTS:

CMC LISTING: Coming soon.

COINGECKO LISTING: Coming Soon

SNL TONIGHT and the CyberTruckPrototype itself being the star of the show in NYC.

This is NOT a P&D. Liquidity is LOCKED, and ownership RENOUNCED.

CONTRACT RENOUNCED:
bscscan /address/0xf340e33aef552c836b4538ba09bbfccd5f42fa17#readContract

⭐️ Contract:

bscscan /token/0xf340E33aef552C836b4538BA09bBfCcd5f42fa17

⭐️ CHART:

poocoin /tokens/0xf340e33aef552c836b4538ba09bbfccd5f42fa17

⭐️ Website
Cybertruck . financial

⭐️ Telegram

t me /CyberTruckPrototypeOfficial

⭐️ Twitter

twitter /officialcybert

⭐️ Reddit
r /CyberTruckPrototype

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lynseahoss
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Like in Star Wars, things will work out for you

With Luke on your side.

Always look on the light side of the life force.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jimalexp
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house

They snuck from their beds in the middle of the night and met in the gloomy darkness in front of the house, shivering in the cold.

The first boy said in a loud whisper, "You guys bring anything?" He slid a gun out of his pocket. The second boy nodded and revealed a knife. The third boy pulled out a flashlight.

"You didn't bring a weapon?" the first boy asked. He shrugged and replied, "Sorry". And as if to prove it, he turned his pockets out to show nothing but stray lint and a pack of cough drops.

They crept in. The door shut behind them. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. The flash light clicked on. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door on the other side, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a dead body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They found a fully set, ornate dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal goblets, pitchers and silverware adorned the table. Spiders crept over ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hel

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Love is like a fart

If you have to force it, its probably just crap anyways.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LeKrispyKreme
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Movie pitch: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues as the disease wipes out 99% of humanity.

Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.

πŸ‘︎ 743
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
How does Darth Vader eat with that mask on?

He FORCE feeds himself!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodChadAndUgly
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.