He's jelly.
Better eat it before it goes off.
Because they were jell-os
Vladimir Pudding
But I was made in the royal gravy
and asked if I'd like to try it.
"Sure I would!" I replied, and enthusiastically took a bite.
Well he was immediately horrified when he looked at my reaction and asked me "Oh my gosh, is it that horrible?"
"No," I answered. "It's just a little off pudding."
How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?
Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.
It was offal.
Son: "Damn it, I just finished this too."
Me: "I guess you could say the proof is in the pudding."
Groans
The proof is in the pudding
Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.
Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.
- Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
- Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
- Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
- Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
- Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
- Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
- Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
- Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
- Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
- Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
- Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
- Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
- Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
- When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
- Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
- Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
- Always go straight home after work or school
- Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
- Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
- Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.
Chello!
Alternatively:
What is Yo-Yo Ma's favorite dairy dessert?
Chello pudding!
Dad - What are you doing?
Son - Getting a bowl of Banana Pudding.
Dad - OH, I'm allergic to Banana Pudding.
Son - (EXTREME SKEPTICISM) What do you mean you're allergic?
Dad - I can't eat just one bowl.
Yeah, I hear they're PUDDING the competition out of business!
For dessert we'd made something called a queen of cakes which involves a custard and breadcrumb base and a meringue topping. The custard hadn't set properly and as eating I said, "This hasn't set properly, it's like curdled custard!" seconds later my dad replied with "Was that in the dining room with the candlestick?" I was the only one that got it, I must say I'm impressed, just finished a game of cluedo with the family.
Just desserts
Something about them is just off-pudding
And he comes up to me one day and says "Hey Undope! I have this new custard I've been working on, and I think it's my best one yet! Would you like to try it?" And with me being a custard connoisseur, I happily agree, so he takes his sample he has on hand and gives it to me.
I take a bite and take my time, slowly judging the textures and flavors I would expect from a well crafted custard. He becomes mortified as a noticeable wince appears on my face and I struggle a little bit to put down the bite I took.
"Oh my gosh!" he cries. "Do you think it's bad!?"
I shake my head no in response, attempting not to hurt my friend's feelings.
"It's not terrible," I reply. "It's just kinda off-putting."
Ziggy pudding
Hello everyone, I'm planning on asking someone to prom for my first time and I don't have any unique puns. She's an Indian girl and I'm from Spain, she loves "KozyShack Rice Pudding" and "Halos Mandarins"
Wife to be can't believe we actually did that, but I told her the proof is in the pudding.
I was showing her Costco for the first time and I said "Ya Costco is intense!" She replied "No it's not, it's in a warehouse."
My Mother was making chocolate pudding in the kitchen and in the middle of mixing it together when my brother walked in. Actual conversation as follows...
Brother: Hey, mom! Can I lick the bowl when you're done?
Mom: No, Joseph. You can use a toilet brush like the rest of the world.
They offered me a disclaimer. "The custard tastes good, but the consistency isn't normal"
I responded "Oh, so it's off-pudding?"
Only her father laughed with me
Because the main course was so off-pudding
It's very effective, but the flavor is OFF-pudding.
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Did I tell you the one about the man with the light bulb in his nose? He was lightheaded.
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Why are fish so smart? 'Cause they swim in schools.
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Why did the man put a sweater on his hot dog? Because it was a chili dog.
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Fozzie: There was this sailor that was SO fat Sailor: How fat was he? Fozzie: He was so fat that everybody liked him, and there was nothing funny about him at all.
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Why do movie stars have lots of fans?Because their hot.
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What do you get when you put chocolate pudding in your mother's shoes? You get a spanking
There once was a man who had a job driving a passenger train between two large towns. It could be a very dull job to some, but as the old saying goes, one man's trash is another's gold; he wanted to be a railroad man since he was a boy.
He was a wiz behind the controls of the train, and commanded the 15 car vehicle effortlessly as if he had been born to do the job. He prided himself on the fact that he could bend the rules and speed through curves and grades that made other motormen shiver and back off.
One day however, he wasn't so lucky and came round a bend too fast and derailed his train. He backed off the throttle and braked as much as he could, managing to only have one fatality out of 500 passengers on his train.
Months later there was a trial and he was found guilty of manslaughter in the highest degree, a capital offence in that land, and sentenced to die by electric chair. Punishment came swift, unlike most places, and 3 days after sentencing the former railroader was asked for his last meal.
"I'll have a banana," "Just a single banana?" said the perplexed guard. "The warden will grant you a feast and all you want is that?"
"Just a single banana." he said.
After he downed the fruit, he was strapped into the electric chair an hour later.... The warden hit the switch, lights flickered, and the crackle of electricity could be heard for over a minute...
...but our train jockey instead rose from the chair looking more like he got a stiff massage, rather than be put to death! Well in that nation, the law of the land states that if a man somehow survives being put to death, they must be set free...
...And so it came to pass that our engineer was let go...
And for whatever reason, he got his job back!
So he was back railroading again doing the job that he loved. You'd think he'd have been more cautious with this second chance he'd been given, but you'd also be wrong. Speedy Gonzales with a train license decided to gun his locomotive to hard and send it off the tracks again!
Of course, this time he was tried for the same crime, but at a different time (his was a fair commonwealth and double indemnity was simply unheard of!) So fair was their nation, that the jury came up with the same judgement and punishment. So three days later, when asked for his last meal, the engineer simply said "I'll have 2 bananas..."
Not less than 60 minutes after consuming the last morsel was he strapped into the chair and the switch thrown... And....
NOTHING.
... keep reading on reddit ➡It's off-pudding.
....pudding on the ritz.
Because it was a bit-off pudding.
How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat?
