Just found out im still a part of the catholic church even though ive been an atheist for years...
...guess you could call me a serial sinner
The elderly wife in church turned to her husband and said, “I’ve just done a silent fart. What should I do?”
He said, “Change the batteries in your hearing aid”.
Why don’t catholic priest talk about molestation in the church?
What do you call an advertisement for the Catholic Church?
The Catholic Church announced it is creating an MMO
Massively Multiprayer Online
An elderly couple is in a church. The wife says to the husband “I’ve let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?”
The husband says “Change the battery in your hearing aid.”
How do members of the Catholic Church pay each other?
They use papal transactions
The creator of Mortal Kombat got the idea for the game while visiting a church in Finland...
... listening to a Finnish Hymn
How do the sisters feel about the latest sex scandal in the Catholic Church?
An artillery captain was made a saint in the Catholic Church.
One could say he was cannonized.
My wife played Jesus in the Easter play at church.
Some of the more traditional members were uncomfortable with her cross-dressing.
What would you call the leader of the Catholic Church if he lived in the arctic?
In the church of the workshop...
Why did the 9V battery get kicked out of church?
Because they were holding an AA Meeting
In a Protestant church.
I saw a large metal contraption with smoke coming from it.
I asked "Is that an organ?"
They said "No, it's a catholic converter."
The Catholic church is considering going all-in on gluten-free wafers..
At risk is cross-contamination.
What do you call a church on the beach?
Why was the church song leader so happy when a member of her congregation was killed in a car accident?
The deceased was an organ donor.
Did you know the Mortal Kombat theme song actually comes from a Scandinavian church song?
The Final Catholic Service
The Final Catholic religious service right before the world is destroyed will be held in an ICBM silo.
They'll have Critical Mass.
There was a naked man running around the church
The police caught him by the organ
A Higgs-Boson walks into a church, only to be stopped by a priest at the door. "I'm very sorry but we don't allow Higgs-Boson in here."
The Higgs-Boson then replies, "But without me, how will you have mass?"
For some time now, the Church of Scientology has been trying to prevent one of its most outspoken members from saying anything too embarrassing.
They call it “Cruise Control”.
How do you track Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints!
When the church relocated ...
it had an organ transplant.
A blonde goes into a church and asks the minister, "How much does it cost to rent a church singing group?"He said,"Do you mean a choir?"
She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
I told my son, look the church has locked up the door and turned off their lights. He said, what's that got to do with anything? I said well,...
What type of fruit Must get married in a Church?
What do Catholics and Klingons have in common?
What do you call it when a sister of the church is speaking gibberish?
Q: Why was the church happy when the man lost his leg in an explosion?
A: Because he was a blast-femur.
According to the catholic church, Popeye has blessed sight.
What do you call an orange that is also the leader of the Catholic Church?
There are only two white people in the movie Black Panther
Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.
They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.
I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.
What happens to someone who farts in church?
They have to sit in their own pew.
When you leave the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster...
That's called A-pasta-cy
I'm proud of that one. I originally posted it to r/cleanjokes
What was a very common name in the middle ages?
I heard parents named their children lance a lot.
First post please don't kill me
Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!
How does the head of the Catholic Church pay for goods online?
Why did the melon have a church wedding?
Did you hear about the guy that went streaking through the church?
They caught him by the organ.
I got into a fight with my brother on the way to church today because he was positive that Jesus was an Intel processor guy....
When anybody with half a brain clearly knows he has a Ryzen
What do you call a Catholic Sister who's an expert in stealth and martial arts?
What does a phaser sound like in church?
(X post) An artillery captain was made a saint by the Catholic Church.
One could say he was cannonized,
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