Today I learned that the game, Mortal Kombat is actually based on an old Scandinavian, children’s song.
It’s a Finnish hymn.
Edit for u/mammix and u/Czarcasm and u/Scruluce: “old Nordic, church song.”
An old man on his deathbed calls together his family. “My darling wife are you here?” he asks. “Yes dear, I'm here”, she replies. “And my son, are you here” he gasps. “Yeah dad, I'm right here.” “My darling daughter are you here?” “Yes daddy, I'm here”.
The man says, “Well, if you’re all here, why the hell are the lights on downstairs!?”
A man walks into a bar with a small newt on his shoulder. The bartender said, “What an interesting pet. What’s his name?” “Tiny,” the man replied. The bartender said, “That’s an odd name. Why did you call him Tiny?”
I want to design a pencil with an eraser on both ends
People keep telling me it would be pointless.
I posted this on an e-bike subreddit...
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord…
…so I grounded him.
He’s doing better currently and conducted himself properly.
Two men get on an elevator. On the way to the top floor, one farts. They stand there silently.
As they leave the elevator, the one who farted looks at the other and says “I apologize. That was wrong on so many levels.”
I saw an advert in a shop window for a television, it said “stuck on max volume, only $5”
I thought to myself, I can’t turn that down
I searched for an orphanage on the web
but it didn't have a homepage
An answer to not having a car on another sub.
What do you call a cow on an elevator?
Whats worse than finding a worm on an apple?
My son chewed on an electrical cord today.
Due to his current conduct, I had to ground him.
I downloaded an app on my phone that makes the phone combust if somebody takes a picture of themselves.
It's called the Selfie Destruct Button
My wife showed me an article on how to find dad jokes on the internet
She didn't know I have reddit.
It's an astronaut's first day on the ISS and he's making himself a coffee. He says to a colleague:
"I can't find the milk"
And the other astronaut grinning:
"In space no one can, here use cream"
inwas asked my thoughts on an idea for a swimming pool with no shallow areas...
A girl messaged me on my dating profile asking why I had an unlit cigarette in my pics
I told her I was waiting for some matches...
A guy walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartenders like “oh what an interesting companion you have there. What’s his name?” And the guys like “Tiny” and the Bartenders like “Whyd you name him that?”
He responds with “because he’s My Newt”
What do you get when you put a vest on an alligator?
What do you call a blown out tire on an ambulance?
An American is typing on a computer when he flies into a rage, shouting "How the hell am I misspelling color"?
A Canadian takes a quick look at the screen before rolling his eyes and walking away, saying "that sounds like a you problem".
I thought about going on an all almond diet.
Keeping an indoor aquarium can have a calming effect on the brain...
.. Due to all the indoor fins.
I ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon
I'll let you know which one comes first
It’s hard to explain the difference between fishing and standing on the shore for hours like an idiot
What do you call a duck on an important job?
A student copied an essay on the Black Death from the Internet.
He was a bubonic plagiarist.
My son asked me why you are allowed to bring pencils on an aircraft when sharp objects are forbidden.
I told him they have to draw the line somewhere.
Why did the kitchen demolition crew refuse to install an elevated, flat surface on which food is eaten and prepared?
Because that would be… counterproductive
(CROWD CHEERS) Thank you! Thank you!
(ROSES THROWN)
Me and the kids went on an extreme camping trip.
I’m not an expert on fishing but I know music is the key.
Something catchy that’s got a good hook is best.
An estate agent is selling basements stacked on top of each other. They take me to the one closest to the surface, the penthouse. They say:
>! ‘This is one of our top cellars.’ !<
What did The Pink Panther say when he stepped on an anthill?
Dead ant. Dead ant. Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant.
I’ve been experimenting with iron, carbon, and aluminum to make a better toilet. I’m going to write an essay on my results.
It’s titled “The FeCAl Matter”!
I saw an ad online: Radio for sale $1 Volume stuck on full
What do you call an Irish man on a porch?
.
.
.
.
Paddy O'Furniture.
What do you say to an itchy dog on Christmas?
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills. She said that I'm an 8 on a scale of 10.
I'm really not sure why she wants me to urinate on a skeleton...
Was just watching an old tape of a fish on my vcr
Ironically it was a Beta.
What do you call an Irishman that sits on your front porch?
On my last day at the football club, everyone in the team wrote a drunken message for me on an 10-foot tall red card.
What do you call an act of aggression brought on by a musical instrument?
Did you know Mortal Combat is based on an old Scandinavian church song ?
I'm ordering a chicken and an egg on Amazon
The Mortal Kombat Theme is based on an Old Scandinavian song.
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