While at a restaurant, the waitress was totally flirting with me with my wife present. After she walked away, my wife said β€œShe obviously has COVID!” β€œWhy would you think that?” I asked.

β€œBecause she has no taste.”

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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What do you call it when someone obviously has constipation

No shit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/roewnp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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All hail to the frontline warriors, and obviously all hell to corona
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arabindamuley33
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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Obviously
πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaserJetVulfpeck
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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I get my deep well of empathy from my mother, obviously.
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PupperPuppet
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
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You know when someone very obviously has kids

It's kind of apparent.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Onechordbassist
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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Her: Obviously, everyone prefers to use a vacuum cleaner to a brush.

Me: Isn’t that.....a sweeping generalization?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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How can we be expected to manage universal healthcare when we obviously haven't even figured out

planetary healthcare?

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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The moon landing is obviously fake

Like c’mon the moon is still up there. It never landed.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JepsiCola243
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
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Obviously they aren't
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alienbeef0421
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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it's from maine, obviously
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ffsvera
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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On mobile the r/perfect loops suggestion showed a wheel of ck that rotated between o and i. It said ick ock ick ock…obviously the T was cut off from the top. But watching it with out the the T made me think of Wild Bill

Wild Bill Hickock

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
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My wife obviously didn't mind me going to the pub all day today....

She knew I'd be hungry and left me two dinners out on the table!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderHallow
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
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Today I raced a Frenchman. Obviously he lost.

Nice guys finish last.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StuStuffedBunny
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
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Obviously not my post, but still funny
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomRedBox360
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2018
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One of CNN's headline writers is obviously a dad

I sea what you did there!

http://i.imgur.com/tEp5yIh.png

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sparklekitteh
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2014
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You had one job, but you obviously couldn't handle it. ipfs.pics/QmeRkbqHUgSQWmG…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dachewie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2015
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Every year my town has a 4th of July track meet during the day, and any age can compete. My geologist dad, heavy set and not ready to compete, entered the mile and obviously did poorly, but he crossed the finish line, gave me a shit-eating grin and said:

"......gneiss guys finish last."

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2017
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Is that felt? *Obviously cotton fabric*

Son responds, "No."

*Touches said fabric* - "It is now!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clarke_CD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
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My dad asked me what are you looking at, and I said Reddit obviously. And he said,”Why are you looking at it if you already read it?”
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaseTheDeveloper
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2017
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The local librarian is obviously a dad.

Me: I'd like to check these [books] out.

Librarian: Sorry, that's actually against the rules.

Me: Huh?

Librarian: You see, checking them out only makes them shelf conscious.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2014
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Obviously, I made love to the french girl twice.

deux!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darksedan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2016
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Why did the jealous coroner kill his girlfriend? (Dark, obviously)

So he cadaver all to himself.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/k-smackerel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2015
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My music teacher is obviously a dad.

I was in music class today and my teacher picked up a folder a pupil in the previous class had left behind. The folder was labelled 'French' and on top of it there was a book that said 'Speaking Book' (obviously referring to French Speaking practice).

My music teacher then opened the book and put it to his ear. With a confused look on his face he exclaimed: 'Well I can't hear anything!' Groaning from all the class then ensued.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ollismith
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2014
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ELI5 obviously has a few dads

https://www.reddit.com/r/explainlikeimfive/comments/3gug73/eli5_why_do_divers_fall_backwards_off_boats/cu1s5ld

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πŸ‘€︎ u/baskandpurr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2015
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My Christian-Dad was obviously the inspiration for Ned Flanders

Dad: "Time for bed, kids"

Kids: "Throw us in bed! Throw us in bed!"

(Dad picks a kid up in his arms)

Dad: "Did I ever tell you about the three men in the book of Daniel who were thrown into the fiery furnace?"

Kids: "No!"

Dad: "Their names were... Shadrach... Meshach... and ToBedYouGo!

(tosses squealing kid through the air, onto the bed)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclura
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2013
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Guy running freshman interests groups (FIGs) at my uni is obviously a dad
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/catshit69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2013
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My dentist is obviously a dad

The dental hygienist asked me which part of my mouth they should work on tonight, then relayed my response to the dentist when he came into the room. He responded in classic dad fashion:

Hygienist: We're gonna work on the top left. Dentist: The top left? What if I wanted to work on the top left? (pause) Dentist: You know what? I've got it. I'm gonna work on the top left.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/feminaprovita
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2014
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