What would you call a pig that obeys the laws of gravity?

A groundhog

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FurriesRGay14
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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We got a new dog at the weekend, he only obeys commands in Spanish....

He is Espanyol

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clarknova77
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
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Action words such as give, take, obey and untie are all said the same way.

Verbally

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
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New Amendment to the Constitution

Can we not pass a new amendment to the Constitution that all Politicians must obey? I want this new Amendment to read: "Don't be a cunt."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeckoInTexas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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A navy recruit has his first day on a submarine

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

"Son I'm changing your postΒ to the mess hall. Go in there and start washing some dishes."

The recruit obeys, and heads to the mess hall. He's cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again.

"Listen here recruit, your new post is in the supply room. I need you to make sure everything is strapped down tight, in case of rough waters."

The recruit again follows orders, and heads off to the supply room. There, he sees a crewman, moving some boxes.

"Hey there," says the recruit. "is it normal to keep getting reassigned to new posts all day? I haven't kept one position for more than 15 minutes!"

The crewman says "Oh yeah- this sub is full of reposts."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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3 strings...

3 strings are wandering in a desert. After hours of wandering they eventually find a bar. One string says to the others "hey guys stay here I'll go get us a drink". He walks into the bar and orders 3 drinks. The bartender says "sorry kid we don't allow strings here, get out of my bar". The string sadly walks out of the bar and tells his friends he couldn't get a drink. One of the other strings says "don't worry guys I got this". So he puts a sombrero and a fake mustache on and walks into the bar and orders 3 drinks. The bartender tells the disguised string "sure thing 3 drinks coming... Hey wait a minute! You're a a string aren't you? Get out of my bar!" The string obeys and rejoins his other friends. He tells them "sorry guys this bartender really doesn't like strings". Finally, the last string says to his friends "Not to worry fellas I got this, for real this time. So the strings ties himself and walks into the bar. The bartender recognizes the string and asks him "Hey you're a string aren't you?!" The string replied "No... I'm afraid knot"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tristanator5100
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2017
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My parents asked me why I was failing classes back in school....

so I said I was obeying the sign in the school zone that said "Do Not Pass."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/diamondeyes18
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2017
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Another One From Doc

I was about twelve years old and driving somewhere with my Dad (Doc). It was one of my first times in the front seat. Suddenly, my Dad shoots out his big hand and grabs the top of my head. He holds my head like that for a few moments and then lets go.

After a few moments I ask him, "Why did you do that?"

"Just obeying the traffic laws," he replied.

Even at twelve I thought that was a bit questionable. "What do you mean?" I asked.

"Didn't you see the sign? It said 'Stop Ahead'."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/srt19170
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2013
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A new Navy recruit has his first day on a submarine.... (apologies to u/buddybd)

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

"Son I'm changing your post to the mess hall. Go in there and start washing some dishes."

The recruit obeys, and heads to the mess hall. He's cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again.

"Listen here recruit, your new post is in the supply room. I need you to make sure everything is strapped down tight, in case of rough waters."

The recruit again follows orders, and heads off to the supply room. There, he sees a crewman, moving some boxes.

"Hey there," says the recruit. "is it normal to keep getting reassigned to new posts all day? I haven't kept one position for more than 15 minutes!"

The crewman says "Oh yeah- this sub is full of reposts."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IranRPCV
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
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A new Navy recruit has his first day on the submarine…

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

β€œGo stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope.”

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

β€œSon I’m changing your post to the mess hall. Go in there and start washing some dishes.”

The recruit obeys, and heads to the mess hall. He’s cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again.

β€œListen here recruit, your new post is in the supply room. I need you to make sure everything is strapped down tight, in case of rough waters.”

The recruit again follows orders, and heads off to the supply room. There, he sees a crewman, moving some boxes.

β€œHey there,” says the recruit. β€œis it normal to keep getting reassigned to new posts all day? I haven’t kept one position for more than 15 minutes!”

The crewman says β€œOh yeah- this sub is full of reposts.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
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