I'm a dad now, and I have a nine month old daughter. When I put her in her 12 hour diaper for the night, I say: "It's time to put on your night diaper...

...like Sir Lancelot wore when he was a baby."

👍︎ 50
💬︎
👤︎ u/lendrick
📅︎ Feb 11 2014
🚨︎ report
I said to my boss the other day, "I need to leave early today, I'm going to be a father!"

"Of course", he replied. "Take the afternoon off."

When I returned to work the next day, my boss came to my desk. "Well, how'd it go? Is it a boy or a girl?"

"I dunno", I said, "I'll tell you in nine months."

👍︎ 19
💬︎
👤︎ u/bot_10
📅︎ Oct 18 2019
🚨︎ report
DadJokes are proof that comedy skips a generation.

http://imgur.com/gallery/3GUE8

This was a group text from me to both of the kids. The younger was born exactly nine months from the Tuesday in question. The older one responded with a thumbs down.

👍︎ 2k
💬︎
👤︎ u/ty10drope
📅︎ Jul 25 2017
🚨︎ report
I wanted to shoot your mom in the face. She didn't let me.

Nine months later, you were born.

👍︎ 5
💬︎
📅︎ Oct 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Here are some good ones

Doctor:"I've finished the diagnosis, you have ten to live" Patient:"Ten? Ten what? Months? Weeks?" Doctor:"Nine"


At the boomerang shop:"I would like to buy a new boomerang please, also could you tell how to throw the old one away"


Two elephants see a totally naked guy. After sometime one says to the another:"I don't get it, how does he feed himself with that?"


Patient:"Oh doctor, I'm so nervous, this is my first operation" Doctor:"don't worry, mine too"


A naked women robbed a bank, nobody could remember her face


A women in bikini shows almost 90% of her body, yet men are so polite they only look at the covered parts


"Grandpa, why don't you have any life insurance?" Grandpa:"so that all of you can be really sad when you die"


Dentist:"this is gonna hurt a bit" Patient:"OK" Dentist:"I've been having an affair with your wife"


Men 1845: I just killed a Buffalo Men 1952: I just fixed the roof Men 2018: I just shaved my legs


A women caught her husband on the weight scale, sucking his stomach. "That won't help you ,joe, you know?" "Oh it helps a lot" says the man"it's the only way I can see the numbers"


"Honey, why did you build the child's bed so high?" "We can hear it better if he falls out"


👍︎ 7
💬︎
📅︎ May 14 2018
🚨︎ report
I freaked out after my wife told me she was pregnant.

I was having amid-wife crisis. Nine months later, she suddenly went into labor. I frantically tried to find someone to come to our home and deliver the baby. It was midwife crisis.

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Sep 25 2017
🚨︎ report
My kids give me hell about my dad jokes, but they are hard to come up with!

The first one I told took nine months!

👍︎ 8
💬︎
📅︎ Apr 08 2016
🚨︎ report
Oh, so you're pregnant now?

Pssshhh, I give it nine months.

👍︎ 8
💬︎
📅︎ Nov 11 2015
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.