Black Widow and the Winter Guard: An MCU Project Pitch

NOTE: Obviously I don't expect this to actually happen nor do I think this is a better idea that anyone at Marvel would have. This post is simply for fun. Also note that I did take the criticism I've heard from the first film into account while writing this.

Black Widow and the Winter Guard:

Set in the present day, Yelena Belova has now left Contessa's control and has returned to Russia, hoping to reunite with her family. She returns to the hideout of the Widows where she rejoins her parents. She returns to find that her parents have now begun training the Widows so they can protect themselves and keep themselves safe, taking on the role of their mother figure.

It's here we see how the death of Natasha has affected the family. Melina has now entered a mix of being overprotective yet emotionally-closed off, wanting to make sure her newfound children aren't hurt.

With Alexei, he's now putting on this facade that everything is okay, trying to keep being the smiling jokester but clearly hasn't fully-accepted Natasha's death. And finally, there's Yelena who's still saddened by Nat's death and is diving right back into her family in the hopes of finding someone to fill that void.

However, trouble brews when Department X (the Russian government's equivalent of SHIELD) announces its newest line of defense: a Russian superhero team being called the Winter Guard. Members of the team include:

-Lyudmila Kudrin: An acclaimed scientist, the Fury of the team and their mother figure

-Mikhail Ursus (Ursa Major), a giant bear-man and Alexei's ex-cellmate

-Alexander Nevsky (Crimson Dynamo), a young fan of the Vankos and Russia's answer to Iron Man

-Laynia Krylova (Darkstar), a young woman who can control Darkforce energy

-Nikolai Krylenko, Laynia's brother and Russia's newest Red Guardian (which causes a lot of anger for Alexei).

While they seem like genuine do-gooders to the public, we see that they're being sent out to attack the Widows, with it appearing as though Department X and the Russian government seek to wipe out any traces left of their history with the Red Room.

So now, we have our heroes on a mission to publicize the Russian government's involvement in the Red Room and the activities of the Winter Guard. But to do this, they need help. We see the

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cbekel3618
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2021
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The Soviet art of bad timing.

The Bolsheviks took over Imperial Russia in October 1917. They immediately decided to withdraw from the war. Peace talks were initiated with the Central Powers in early November.

The Germans and Austrians offered extremely harsh terms: They wanted Poland, Latvia and Lithuania. Leon Trotsky, head of the Russian delegation, decided to try and waste time and prolong the negotiations. That is the exact point in time that Soviet Commander-in-Chief Nikolai Krylenko picked to start the "democratisation" of the Russian army: Ranks were abolished and commanders were elected instead!

On the 29th of January, Krylenko went one step further and ordered the demobilisation of the Russian armed forces!

Vienna and Berlin could not believe their luck! On the 18th of February 1918, they unleashed 53 divisions on the Soviets (Operation Faustschlag)!

700,000 German and Autro-Hungarian soldiers steamrolled East in a three pronged attack. Within 7 days, the Central Powers armies had advanced over 150 miles (240 km) and had taken cities such as Pskov, Kiev, Narva and Minsk. They were 100 miles from Petrograd, the Russian capital, forcing the Soviets to move said capital to Moscow. As the Soviets were debating whether or not to accept German terms, the Central Powers took Tallinn.

The Bolsheviks finally surrendered on the 3rd of March, accepting even harsher German terms: By signing the Brest Litovsk treaty, they gave up Poland, Belarus, Ukraine, Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania!

You'd think they'd learn from such mistakes, right?!?!

Stalin came to power in 1924, two years after Mussolini became Italian prime minister. Stalin watched as Mussolini built an autocratic state apparatus in Italy before expanding Italian influence in Albania and Northern Africa.

Stalin also witnessed Hitler take over Germany in 1933. After having observed both European dictators, listened to their claims, watched their speeches and taken note of their ambitions, Stalin decided that 1936 was the perfect time to enact his great purge!

The Red Army was the prime recipient of said purge and between 1936 and 1938, Stalin killed or imprisoned 3 out of 5 marshals, 13 out of 15 army commanders, 8 out of 9 admirals, 50 out of 57 corps commanders and 154 out of 186 division commanders.

In June 1941, Hitler initiated Operation Barbarossa and unsurprisingly, the Red Army did not perform very well: 800,000 soldiers dead, 1.3 million soldiers wounded, 2.3 million soldiers MIA or captured, includi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Defensionem
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2021
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SERIOUS: This subreddit needs to understand what a "dad joke" really means.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anywhereiroa
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2022
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Blind Girl Here. Give Me Your Best Blind Jokes!

Do your worst!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leckzsluthor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2022
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This subreddit is 10 years old now.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frexyincdude
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2022
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Dropped my best ever dad joke & no one was around to hear it

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies πŸ˜‚

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vegetable-Acadia
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2022
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What starts with a W and ends with a T

It really does, I swear!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PsychedeIic_Sheep
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2022
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What is a a bisexual person doing when they’re not dating anybody?

They’re on standbi

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toby-the-Cactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2022
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Geddit? No? Only me?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shampy311
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2021
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I wanna hear your best airplane puns.

Pilot on me!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Paulie_Felice
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2022
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E or ß?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amazekam
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2022
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What did Spartacus say when the lion ate his wife?

Nothing, he was gladiator.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rj104
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2022
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Pun intended.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sharmaji1301
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2022
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No spoilers
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Onfour
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2022
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Covid problems
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theincrediblebou
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2022
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These aren't dad jokes...

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lance986
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2021
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I had a vasectomy because I didn’t want any kids.

When I got home, they were still there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/demotrek
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2022
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What did 0 say to 8 ?

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/designjeevan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2022
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Spi__
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fast_Echidna_8520
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2022
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I dislike karma whores who make posts that imply it's their cake day, simply for upvotes.

I won't be doing that today!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/djcarves
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2021
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The Ancient Romans II
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mordrathe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2021
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I'd like to dedicate this joke to my wisdom teeth.

[Removed]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThoughtPumP
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2022
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I did it, I finally did it. After 4 years and 92 days I went from being a father, to a dad.

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sk2ec
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2022
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It this sub dead?

There hasn't been a post all year!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTreelo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2022
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How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in your frying pan?

You take away their little brooms

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Majorpain2006
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2022
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School Was Clothed
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kennydoe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2022
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Letting loose with these puns
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2022
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Couch potato
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2021
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All dad jokes are bad and here’s why

Why

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2022
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Baka!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ridi86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2022
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concrete πŸ—Ώ
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fast_Echidna_8520
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2022
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My name is ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

It’s pronounced β€œNoel.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beef_fried_rice
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2021
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Why are people so surprised and angry about Djokovic being an anti-vaxxer?

After all his first name is No-vac

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hangryman23
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2022
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If Korean pop is shortened to Kpop and Korean Drama is Kdrama...

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

  • Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

  • French/Finnish art

  • Country/Canadian rap

  • Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

  • Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hootanahalf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2022
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That’s Michelle
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FLEXSEALBREAKER
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2022
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Is this sub still active?

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DonStimpo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2021
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What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing, it just waved

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hackerboi1198
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2022
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My 9 year old son just asked me to pretend I was a police officer arresting him for downloading the entire Wikipedia. Me: Young man, you're under arrest for downloading the entire Wikipedia!

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPJ2020
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2022
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is Isn't
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mordrathe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2022
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@u/mordrathe - remix
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpydrRydr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2022
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a hot tub?

Bob

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πŸ‘€︎ u/4fuchssake
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2022
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My WIFI password is 2444666668888888

Just to clarify, 12345678

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πŸ‘€︎ u/az1m_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2022
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I named my dog "5 miles."

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! πŸ˜€ Thank you for the awards.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/javacafe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2022
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Possibly the greatest Snap Reaction dad joke I've ever told (it even got me a POWERFUL groan and vehement FU from my wife)

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AKhakiNerfHerder
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2022
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I can't believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician...

I was just sitting there doing nothing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ENJOYblet
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2022
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The two genders
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShrimpRex
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2021
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Guns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlayYo-KaiWatch21
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2022
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Karl Marx is a historically famous figure…

But nobody ever mentions his sister, Onya, who invented the starter pistol.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2022
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If β€œwomb” is pronounced β€œwoom” and β€œtomb” is pronounced β€œtoom” then shouldn’t β€œbomb” be pronounced…

β€œBOOM”?!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FourBloodMoons
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2021
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Black Widow and the Winter Guard: An MCU Project Pitch

NOTE: Obviously I don't expect this to actually happen nor do I think this is a better idea that anyone at Marvel would have. This post is simply for fun. Also note that I did take the criticism I've heard from the first film into account while writing this.

Black Widow and the Winter Guard:

Set in the present day, Yelena Belova has now left Contessa's control and has returned to Russia, hoping to reunite with her family. She returns to the hideout of the Widows where she finds that her parents have now begun training the Widows so they can protect themselves and keep themselves safe, taking on the role of their mother figure.

It's here we see how the death of Natasha has affected the family. Melina has now entered a mix of being overprotective yet emotionally-closed off, wanting to make sure her newfound children aren't hurt.

With Alexei, he's now putting on this facade that everything is okay, trying to keep being the smiling jokester but clearly hasn't fully-accepted Natasha's death. And finally, there's Yelena who's still saddened by Nat's death and is diving right back into her family in the hopes of finding someone to fill that void.

However, trouble brews when Department X (the Russian government's equivalent of SHIELD) announces its newest line of defense: a Russian superhero team being called the Winter Guard. Members of the team include:

-Lyudmila Kudrin: An acclaimed scientist, she's the Fury of the team and their mother figure

-Mikhail Ursus (Ursa Major), a giant bear-man and Alexei's ex-cellmate

-Alexander Nevsky (Crimson Dynamo), a young fan of the Vankos and Russia's answer to Iron Man

-Laynia Krylova (Darkstar), a young woman who can control Darkforce energy and has a similar personality to Yelena when it comes to dealing with...

-Nikolai Krylenko, Laynia's brother and Russia's newest Red Guardian (which causes a lot of anger for Alexei).

While they seem like genuine do-gooders to the public, we see that they're being sent out to attack the Widows, with it appearing as though Department X and the Russian government seek to wipe out any traces left of their history with the Red Room.

So now, we have our heroes on a mission to publicize the Russian government's involvement in the Red Room and the activities of the

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cbekel3618
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2021
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