Nikolai Krylenko Puns

NOTE: Obviously I don't expect this to actually happen nor do I think this is a better idea that anyone at Marvel would have. This post is simply for fun. Also note that I did take the criticism I've heard from the first film into account while writing this.

Black Widow and the Winter Guard:

Set in the present day, Yelena Belova has now left Contessa's control and has returned to Russia, hoping to reunite with her family. She returns to the hideout of the Widows where she rejoins her parents. She returns to find that her parents have now begun training the Widows so they can protect themselves and keep themselves safe, taking on the role of their mother figure.

It's here we see how the death of Natasha has affected the family. Melina has now entered a mix of being overprotective yet emotionally-closed off, wanting to make sure her newfound children aren't hurt.

With Alexei, he's now putting on this facade that everything is okay, trying to keep being the smiling jokester but clearly hasn't fully-accepted Natasha's death. And finally, there's Yelena who's still saddened by Nat's death and is diving right back into her family in the hopes of finding someone to fill that void.

However, trouble brews when Department X (the Russian government's equivalent of SHIELD) announces its newest line of defense: a Russian superhero team being called the Winter Guard. Members of the team include:

-Lyudmila Kudrin: An acclaimed scientist, the Fury of the team and their mother figure

-Mikhail Ursus (Ursa Major), a giant bear-man and Alexei's ex-cellmate

-Alexander Nevsky (Crimson Dynamo), a young fan of the Vankos and Russia's answer to Iron Man

-Laynia Krylova (Darkstar), a young woman who can control Darkforce energy

-Nikolai Krylenko, Laynia's brother and Russia's newest Red Guardian (which causes a lot of anger for Alexei).

While they seem like genuine do-gooders to the public, we see that they're being sent out to attack the Widows, with it appearing as though Department X and the Russian government seek to wipe out any traces left of their history with the Red Room.

So now, we have our heroes on a mission to publicize the Russian government's involvement in the Red Room and the activities of the Winter Guard. But to do this, they need help. We see the

The Bolsheviks took over Imperial Russia in October 1917. They immediately decided to withdraw from the war. Peace talks were initiated with the Central Powers in early November.

The Germans and Austrians offered extremely harsh terms: They wanted Poland, Latvia and Lithuania. Leon Trotsky, head of the Russian delegation, decided to try and waste time and prolong the negotiations. That is the exact point in time that Soviet Commander-in-Chief Nikolai Krylenko picked to start the "democratisation" of the Russian army: Ranks were abolished and commanders were elected instead!

On the 29th of January, Krylenko went one step further and ordered the demobilisation of the Russian armed forces!

Vienna and Berlin could not believe their luck! On the 18th of February 1918, they unleashed 53 divisions on the Soviets (Operation Faustschlag)!

700,000 German and Autro-Hungarian soldiers steamrolled East in a three pronged attack. Within 7 days, the Central Powers armies had advanced over 150 miles (240 km) and had taken cities such as Pskov, Kiev, Narva and Minsk. They were 100 miles from Petrograd, the Russian capital, forcing the Soviets to move said capital to Moscow. As the Soviets were debating whether or not to accept German terms, the Central Powers took Tallinn.

The Bolsheviks finally surrendered on the 3rd of March, accepting even harsher German terms: By signing the Brest Litovsk treaty, they gave up Poland, Belarus, Ukraine, Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania!

You'd think they'd learn from such mistakes, right?!?!

Stalin came to power in 1924, two years after Mussolini became Italian prime minister. Stalin watched as Mussolini built an autocratic state apparatus in Italy before expanding Italian influence in Albania and Northern Africa.

Stalin also witnessed Hitler take over Germany in 1933. After having observed both European dictators, listened to their claims, watched their speeches and taken note of their ambitions, Stalin decided that 1936 was the perfect time to enact his great purge!

The Red Army was the prime recipient of said purge and between 1936 and 1938, Stalin killed or imprisoned 3 out of 5 marshals, 13 out of 15 army commanders, 8 out of 9 admirals, 50 out of 57 corps commanders and 154 out of 186 division commanders.

In June 1941, Hitler initiated Operation Barbarossa and unsurprisingly, the Red Army did not perform very well: 800,000 soldiers dead, 1.3 million soldiers wounded, 2.3 million soldiers MIA or captured, includi

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

You take away their little brooms

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)

Bob

Just to clarify, 12345678

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.

I was just sitting there doing nothing.

But nobody ever mentions his sister, Onya, who invented the starter pistol.

“BOOM”?!

NOTE: Obviously I don't expect this to actually happen nor do I think this is a better idea that anyone at Marvel would have. This post is simply for fun. Also note that I did take the criticism I've heard from the first film into account while writing this.

Black Widow and the Winter Guard:

Set in the present day, Yelena Belova has now left Contessa's control and has returned to Russia, hoping to reunite with her family. She returns to the hideout of the Widows where she finds that her parents have now begun training the Widows so they can protect themselves and keep themselves safe, taking on the role of their mother figure.

It's here we see how the death of Natasha has affected the family. Melina has now entered a mix of being overprotective yet emotionally-closed off, wanting to make sure her newfound children aren't hurt.

With Alexei, he's now putting on this facade that everything is okay, trying to keep being the smiling jokester but clearly hasn't fully-accepted Natasha's death. And finally, there's Yelena who's still saddened by Nat's death and is diving right back into her family in the hopes of finding someone to fill that void.

However, trouble brews when Department X (the Russian government's equivalent of SHIELD) announces its newest line of defense: a Russian superhero team being called the Winter Guard. Members of the team include:

-Lyudmila Kudrin: An acclaimed scientist, she's the Fury of the team and their mother figure

-Mikhail Ursus (Ursa Major), a giant bear-man and Alexei's ex-cellmate

-Alexander Nevsky (Crimson Dynamo), a young fan of the Vankos and Russia's answer to Iron Man

-Laynia Krylova (Darkstar), a young woman who can control Darkforce energy and has a similar personality to Yelena when it comes to dealing with...

-Nikolai Krylenko, Laynia's brother and Russia's newest Red Guardian (which causes a lot of anger for Alexei).

While they seem like genuine do-gooders to the public, we see that they're being sent out to attack the Widows, with it appearing as though Department X and the Russian government seek to wipe out any traces left of their history with the Red Room.

So now, we have our heroes on a mission to publicize the Russian government's involvement in the Red Room and the activities of the