New Start Puns

To stop procrastinating.

With a bang.

I'm going to dye a loan.

My stomach is churning

GrandPAW

So a subreddit.

It’s a nice change of Pace

I guess my Vision's going bad.

I'm dreading it.

...but I heard he was unable to get the kinks out.

We're called LinkedIn Park.

I hope it's a good Korea move.

I'll call it the Islamic Republic of Marijuana. So no matter what, the citizens there will get stoned.

You will be called a quarter founder

are turning a new leaf.

I'm flush with ideas.

My dad asked if I was nervous, and if I was planning on studying for it before going in.

Don't tell me what happens. I love surprises!

Background: Wife and I took our son to his 1 month pediatrician appointment yesterday, where the only minor issue she noted was a slight flattening on the left side of his head because he likes to look one way instead of the other. Hilarity ensued when we got home.

Wife: "If we're not careful, our son is going to have to wear one of those special helmets because he'll have a flat head."

Me: "Then I guess it's a good thing we didn't name him Phillip!"

/cue rimshot

Lift your left leg in the air at midnight

How can you do math with your teeth?

When you go to the dentist and he gives you a shot some of your teeth will be numb and others will be number!

[this is the best wording I could come up with]