πŸŽΌπŸŽ™πŸŽ΅πŸŽΆ And if you wanna get me / never neglect me / 'cause I'm a...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poven100
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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How do you neglect your arm?

Just give it the cold shoulder!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeigeJungle57
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
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Most children in trailer-parks suffer from neglect a new study finds

They are raised in idontcareavans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Snipes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
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My Favorite Wall

Person 1: "Would you prefer to sleep? Don't make yourself miserable on my account; I can always talk to my favorite wall (the one across from my bed)."

Person 2: "5-10 more minutes and I'll probably leave you, Im sure your wall would like some quality time with you too"

Person 1: "Yeah, he's been a bit neglected recently. I should maintain our relationship so he doesn't leave; I'd be crushed if he did."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OfTheWhat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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It's sad when people can't admit their faults.

I totally would if I had any.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MelkorHimself
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
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Buddy Doesn't Know How to Park

So this is a true story.

I work a retail job. My friend neglected to properly put his Mustang in park in his space. It moved backwards across the lot and in to a customer's Jeep Grand Cherokee. Luckily for him, the damage was not serious.

Unlucky for him, all of my coworkers (and a few customers) proceeded to mercilessly roast him on the showroom floor.

Looking to me to defend him, he asked, "why don't you back me up?"

I said: "Back up seems to be the last thing you need, I'd just learn to roll with it, you might say I'm pretty neutral..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/allnerdsbewareme
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery

But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
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Story time!

A baker and his wife had a child. A lovely, healthy boy. Since the wife was mad about history, she wanted to give the boy a name suitable for a man destined for great things. Jokes were made, names proposed, but in the end the decision was made - they named the boy Attila.

Attila showed great potential from an early age - he excelled at sports, grew strong, but his other capabilities were astonishing as well. He learned and went through encyclopedias like a fire through forests. Surely enough, he was bound to become a great man some day.

Apart from being an exceptional young man, he loved animals as well. He was kind and compassionate, equally cherishing all forms of life. Since his parents loved him so much, they bought him all he ever wanted - but he did not ask for much, he was never greedy.

Growing up, he has received many animals as pets - there were cats, dogs, hamsters and even exotic animals - tarantulas, snakes, scorpions, you name it.

Their home became a sort of an animal sanctuary, and Attila took care of all animals with love and passion. But, the family business was starting to suffer when his father the baker got ill.

Being the amazing young man he was, Attila stepped up and started learning secrets of the trade - he started baking like no one else.

But, since he devoted his time to the bakery, the animals were starting to be neglected. He tried feeding them, petting them, but nothing helped.

Slowly, one by one the animals passed away leaving behind only the most resistant ones - the snake and a few spiders.

The spiders were easy to take care of, but the snake wouldn't eat, no matter what. Saddened, Attila came to his mother and asked for advice as he was all out of ideas. Of course, being the caring mother she always was, she passed on her knowledge to Attila:

"This anaconda don't want none, unless you got buns, Hun."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeviantClam
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2016
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Got into a hairy discussion with my girl, it was a close shave.

I come home from school, haven't seen her in a month, haven't been trimming my beard lately with finals and all. She complains the first day. By the third day, she looks at me, runs my chin and says, "I guess it's growing on me..."

I just shake my head and said, "no dear, it's growing on me, I haven't shaved."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/krashmania
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2013
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My Father-in-Law on his death bed

The hospice nurse was asking mandatory questions of my Father-in-Law, terminal with cancer:

Nurse: Were you ever sexually abused as a child?

Father-in-Law: No, I was neglected.

Nurse: (surprised) Neglected?

Father-in-Law: No one ever loved me enough to give me any sexual abuse.

It's possible to laugh and cry at the same time. My Father-in-Law was legendary and laughed even in the face of death.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fericyde
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2014
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Making the best of senior prom

As I'm sure many of you can remember (or not), senior prom was one of the most exciting events of our pre-real world existence. However, in order to get to the actual event, there were three significant steps that needed to be taken care of:

  1. Sober up enough before actually getting to the venue
  2. Find a date who wasn't even weirder than you were
  3. Rent a tuxedo This last part posed quite a bit of a problem to me, mostly because tuxedos can be very expensive to come by. Luckily enough for me, a local formalwear shop had a great deal going on; they would give you massive discounts and even hefty prizes for referring as many of your friends as possible to their business. Eager as I was to save a few bucks, I proceeded to text everyone in my phone's contact list. Almost every one of them neglected to respond to my pitiful pleas of financial assistance, not wanting to get caught up in this scam that I myself had meandered into. Finally, my token black friend, Malik, unwillingly took my bait. He tentatively responded, asking more about what he could get out of the deal for himself. After much persistence on my part, he finally declined, trying his best to let me down gently. As my poor little heart finally broke completely in two, I decided to alleviate the social tension, replying to him, "Alright man, well, suit yourself."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MinisculePeen
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2015
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Dad joked at Starbucks. Again!

Back again, with my coworkers and their terrible jokes!

I was in the back room, making whipped cream when I realized I had neglected to get the whipped cream chargers (similarly to my previous post).

I turned to a coworker and asked, β€œHey, Nicole. If you feel like it, could you grab the whip chargers from up front next time you go out there?"

She responded, β€œSure. But could you do me a favor real quick?"

β€œOK...?"

She holds out her arm, β€œFeel my arm for me?" I felt her arm questioningly. She then asks, β€œDO I FEEL LIKE IT?"

And the Starbucks dad jokes continue...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thewordofrain
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2014
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