Nature's Way Puns

A cabinet.

... My youngling asked me this after encountering a refrigerator in any unexpected location. My natural response was "r", but I was way off, apparently. The provided answer seemed on par for this sub, and I have never heard this joke before. I got a kick out of it. I hope you enjoy it too.

He’s always been hilarious, in a non-dad-joke way, just naturally cracks people up. But he has had some decent dad jokes since he became a father and my personal favorite is this.

He is a little short, so he was using a step-stool to grab something.

Me: Bro you really need a step-stool?

Him: Yeah, my real stool left me when I was five.

I just stood there, taken aback by the fact he just made a dad joke. It was actually pretty friggin’ funny.

I heard it was the most natural way to get high.

John Deavensmit was not having a good time. After an incident involving a coffee spill, he'd been sued for $50 million, and somehow the jury had ruled against him. There was no way he could pay that much money; he'd go bankrupt.

Naturally, he filed for an appeal, but the winner of the case was already beginning to hound him for money, hoping to get at least something before the judgement was overturned. John was nearly at his wit's end before he found an unusual package in his mailbox.

It was from a couple of his friends, who all went on to law school when John left to create a startup. They'd all been very successful, and had gone on to be justices at various levels, from courts in a small county in Wisconsin all the way to the Supreme Court. When he opened it up, he was surprised to see an ink drawing of a thick wooden stick. It was signed by his friends, and accompanied by a note:

> Hey John, > > We're sorry to hear about your loss in court last month. We met up at a judge conference in the Davison Center, and we thought that we'd do something special for you. We met up in the Grapefruit Room and all worked together to draw this. We hope you enjoy it! > > Your friends

Now, John had been to D.C. a few times, and knew about the Davison Centre. It was renowned for its very offbeat architecture. The Grapefruit Room was one of the weirdest: it had been constructed by taking a world-record grapefruit, carving out the flesh, and preserving the rind. The result was a walk-in fruit, and it always smelled of citrus.

It took John a while to work out the significance of the gift, but when he realized it, he was overjoyed. His good friends had seen fit to grant him a stave judge-men penned in a peel.

While there, I picked up my phone and said "Hello, Yeah this is him. On my way." Looked over at my friends and said, "oh don't worry, that was just nature calling" and headed towards the bathroom. I could hear groans behind me. Yeah... They almost left me there

Across from us in the train was a very nice older couple from California. We are also American so naturally we got along just fine. As we were towards the end of our trip coming into Prague. The older man across from us looks at his wife and says, "What do you get when you marry a woman from the Czech Republic? A Czech mate". His wife's eyes rolled to the back of her head while my wife and I slowly looked at each other and busted out with laughter. Great way to end the 5.75 hour train ride.

So I've read a bunch of jokes to my girlfriend (Particularly the never ending one)...

Her: You need to stop this.

Me: Oh, I'll annoy you with these for sure.

Her: How do you know you're not annoying already?

Me: Who's already?

There are a million better ways to go about it, but that was my first live dad-joke. Naturally, she cringed and I loled. Just wanted to share. (Sorry if formatting is a bit off, newbie here).

Girlfriend reading article on phone.

I comment "what is this guy holding in the photo?"

She says "mushrooms"

I said "wow". They were huge mushrooms.

She says "Yeah this guy has found a way to cultivate natural pesticides from fungi and has a patent too"

My response "Wow. He seems like a really fun guy!"

I recently subscribed to this sub and it's my new favorite. I shamelessly stole the "tan line" joke for Facebook and a nerd volley with another dad ensued quickly.

Me: Wow, this warmer weather is getting me ready for spring. Hey, I'm already getting ready for summer, check out my tan line! <graph of tangent>

Him: It's certainly not a farmer's tan line...not straight enough.

Me: No farmer's life for me. It's not something I'd sine up for.

Him: ...and I wouldn't cosine your startup loan. (groan)

Me: Sheesh, there's no reason to be hyperbolic.

Him: I really must learn how to integrate all your math vocabulary into my daily life.

Me: You'd really have to think of some way to differentiate yours from mine.

Him: heh...maybe after I move to the delta and crawl under a natural log. I'm sorry, it just struck me that I'm acting the total asymptote.

Me: Ugh. The average of the posts in this thread is degenerating.

Him: We've traversed a slippery slope and while I don't mean to be mean we've gone way past the apex of this thread.

My wife: Nerds.

Me: You married me.

My dad was picking me up from school on one occasion so I could come home for the weekend. It was about an hour drive one way, so naturally I didn't get to see them during the week.

As we were waiting at a red light, he turns to me and says, "You know, your mom and I saw a UFO coming to get you this morning." Without missing a beat, I responded with "Really? Why was there a UFO coming to get me?"

And he just froze. I think he actually had to reboot for a second.

Pic will be found in the comments below

Last night, as I was getting ready to cook dinner, I received a mysterious phone call from a number I didn't recognize and I naturally let it go to voicemail. Surprisingly the mystery caller did leave a voice message and several minutes later I got this text. To eliminate all possibilities I proceeded to listen to the voicemail and ensure it was indeed someone important to me. It was both of my parents(they like to put me on speakerphone so they can talk to me simultaneously) informing me of my Dad's new cellular device.

Now, as far as i can tell, my Dad has never sent a text msg in his life. He's been retired for 10+ years and he loves to talk on the phone to friends and loved ones for hours. He has no reason to text. I also wouldn't put him into a general category when it comes to dad jokes. Meaning he might not have enjoyed this as much as I. So, after much deliberation I decided to welcome my Dad to the world of SMS the only way I felt was appropriate to the relationship we share.

Also, one of my favorite of his sayings is referring to my best friend as suave(Ss-wave) and debonair (De-boner.)

Oh and don't let your meatloaf.

A blind person and his seeing eye dog go to a Walmart. Standing in aisle 5, he suddenly grabs the dog and hurls it around above his head a couple of times.

This naturally causes a commotion and the floor manager comes running.

"What are you doing!?" he demands, in a rather accusing way.

The blind man goes "Oh, just looking around"...

I was drinking with some friends when we were talking to one of them about his type of women. I asked him "tits or ass" and he said something like "I have to go with ass, although I have nothing against tits." So naturally I said "Oh well I generally prefer to be against tits actually." Ha

Later I was chilling with my girlfriend when the way we were cuddled together reminded me, so I told her that story. She groaned and said something about guys are always focused on one thing while girls like her were more well-rounded individuals. I couldn't help but respond by grabbing a boob and saying "Yes, you are well rounded!"

Hope she realizes what a great father I could be.