A list of puns related to "My Scene"
It was a little drum attic.
I said, βThatβs a wrap.β
They told me not to be so silly, and to sit properly...
All I had to do was paint some heads white to be toilet paper. I didn't have a lot of heads so it looks like I'm almost out.
I just dodged a bullet.
It's so i-khan-ic.
"Her invisible jet."
Everyone thinks he needed a second coat.
they were all cross-stitched
Hey look, those two strangers met by accident.
Scene- Me, at dentist, having teeth removed. She was having a bit of trouble with some of them and this was while she had instruments in my mouth. There's some pain after maximum amount of anesthetic she can give me. Asks me how I'm doing.
Me- There is some pain in the teeth after numbing but it isn't anything I can handle.
Dentist- Last time you were here we didn't have a problem but this time your teeth are being a major pain in the butt.
Me- My teeth are a pain in the butt? No wonder people say I talk out of my ass way too much.
She had to stop for a bit to finish laughing.
I wrote a little skit for my grandkids let's see how much I remember. CHUM 8 news Ted Hammerhead reporting with sky Chompter traffic report. Top story, a lone shark, who is a loan shark is alone in the dark making loans to sharks! There is a new place to gamble, the place is full of sharks who turn out to be card sharks playing card games with sharks on the cards. Imagune the dogs playing poker for this story, but it's sharks. The other reporter asks Ted Hammerhead how he did on his recent drivers test, Ted responds "nailed it". Crime scene where a clown has been killed and the Detective states, " No way a shark did this as they taste funny". On a comment about the victim. I never did the weather or figured out names for the other reporters we used to laugh and laugh at my stupid puns.
Edit: I can't spell fixed typos
Then, I saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.
It was addressed, 'Dad'.
With the worst premonition, I opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands:
"Dear, Dad.
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy.
She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad.
She's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better.
She sure deserves it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, Joshua.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true.
I'm over at Jason's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table.
Call when it is safe for me to come home!"
at the murder scene, the police found a note that said "please help me, my life is at steak."
Disclaimer, I am a mom, not a dad and my teenager gave me a dirty look when I told her this joke which I was very pleased to think up.
[Scene: Hospital Delivery Room.
Father holding his bundled newborn.
Mother of the child looking on lovingly from hospital bed.]
Mother: What shall we name him?
Father: His name is Mike.
(drops baby)
Scene: Dinner for my mom's birthday at a very nice (expensive) restaurant.
Waitress: Your steak comes with a choice of the vegetable of the day or a twice baked potato.
Me: Are twice baked potatoes and refried beans prepared similar ways or is that just a naming coincidence?
W: Laughing Oh my God. Our bartender and I were just talking about funny "dad jokes" on reddit! I didn't expect to hear one in person. Do you use reddit?
M: Umm... Yeah... I actually follow r/dadjokes but I'm not a dad and
W: You should post that joke there!
I have no idea if she will see this but my wife said I had to let everyone know about a redditor interaction. I hope she does because the food was awesome and she was a fantastic waitress beyond being a fellow redditor.
I still have no idea if twice baked potatoes and refried beans have any link...
This just happened... to me?.......
To set the scene,
My daughter was being nice and carrying her Nanas bowl and fork to the sink.
Dad: How many turds does it take to put a bowl and fork in the sink?
Daughter: One.
Daughter puts bowl in sink..
Dad: Haha! you were right it only took one!
Daughter: Yeah, cause you helped.
We were watching Cars 2. In this movie, there is a scene where one of the characters, 'Mater' (a happy go lucky 'southern' towtruck) eats a bunch of wasabi thinking it's pistachio icecream. My 3 year old turns to me and says " hehe, he ate spice-cream" then burst out laughing.
My youngest was watching Netflix, deciding on a few episodes of Captain Underpants. In one particular episode, the titled character is forced to share a room with a clown. My wife, watching this show, laughs about him having Coulrophobia (Fear of clowns), and repeatedly panicking in subsequent scenes. Finally near the episode, she asks ,"What did that clown ever do to him?"
My response: "Nothing. He's It's Cousin. Pound Foolish"
Wife stares at me. Blinks twice. Goes back to watching the TV that has more comedy than her idiot husband
I couldn't help but think that the final confrontation between Thanos and Tony Stark would be the ultimate dad joke in the universe. Might not sound like much, but this is how that scene played out in my head.
Thanos (about to snap, after the scuffle with Tony) : I am... inevitable.
Tony : Hi inevitable, I'm Iron Man.
Scene: Bf was getting ready for a skate session and discovered a tiny pocket in the back on the waistband of his shorts intended for keys.
Me: Don't put your keys there, you might fall and get stabbed in the kidneys.
Bf: It's cool, I still have two adult knees.
Me: Oh my god.
[Scene: my wife is changing our 9-month-old daughter's diaper.]
Wife: "Ever since she started eating solid foods, her diapers have gotten awful."
Me: "Yeah. Shit just got real."
My Dad and I were watching "Iron Man" on his truck's DVD player while he was driving me home. It cuts to a scene where someone was driving an Audi.
Dad: Ooh, that's a nice car.
Me: Meh, I don't like it.
Dad: You don't like the Audi?
Me: Nope.
Dad: Get out.
Me: You want me to get Audi your car?
Dad: ΰ² _ΰ²
The groan he emitted was magnificent.
Edit: Individuals seem to be upset about him occasionally watching while he was driving. I apologize if this offends anyone. I talked to him, and he says he will make sure to only watch when he is stopped/parked. I will make sure he does so. Thank you for the concern!
[scene: me coming in the door]
My kids: "Dad, you're back!"
Me: "Yeah! And hey look... my front, too!"
Ah man... kills me every time. :-D
I'm trying to get my daughter into Lord of the Rings. I'm watching Return of the King. I thought she'd think the Eye of Sauron would be cool. We watch the scene where Aragorn cuts the head off of the Mouth of Sauron. Without missing a beat she turns to me and says:
"What's next? The nose of Sauron?
If you don't know the movie, there's a scene where the main character (R) is attempting to drive a car and he's starting and stopping because he can't control his limbs fully.
So my dad just quietly goes. "Makes sense, he's got bad motor control."
A director and a costume designer had a disagreement over a critical shot in the horror movie they were filming in their studio.
The director planned to use CGl for a brief but critical reveal-shot of the movie's monster. But the costume designer insisted they use an actual costume instead of CGl.
"CGl makes a movie look cheap these days," she proclaimed.
The two of them continued debating until they began arguing. The stage crew, actors on break, and other people around them began watching until both the costume designer and director were shouting over each other at the top of their lungs. Despite their efforts, nobody could calm them down.
Fearing the incident may lead to blows, one of cameramen called a studio security guard in urgent request. The guard arrived a minute later and made a beeline for the director and costume designer, who were being held back by multiple people on set.
"lt's my movie. l make the decisions!" the director hollered, hoarse and red in the eyes.
"The movie quality will suffer!" the costume designer screamed, hair plastered across her sweaty face.
The security guard stepped in-between them and raised his pistol at the ceiling without a word. They continued to argue around him. There was a bark of gunshot, then nothing but silence and some falling plaster.
"Now see here," the guard said loudly, stepping back to look at the two of them. "Either you two quit your bickering or l'll have to escort you off the premises. You're making a scene."
and today, we were playing a game of "Yes, Let's!" If you're unfamiliar, that's a group improv exercise where one person says "Let's do a thing!" and everybody else replies "Yes, let's!" and then proceeds to act out the scene. After acting out said scene, somebody freezes, then everybody freezes, and then someone else starts one.
In this case, it was "Let's go to a Michael Jackson tribute concert!" Now, we'd just been coached to assume distinct roles in an attempt to construct a coherent narrative, and so I, as an awkward, scrawny, blond white man, slipped effortlessly into the role of a shitty Michael Jackson impersonator. And I must have been doing something right, because the rest of the group quickly formed a scene as the audience, security, and crew, and stupidity ensued as I sucked at being Michael Jackson for all I was worth.
A few people started heckling, and then one of the audience members barged past security and mimed punching me in the head, whereupon I dramatically spun and dropped to the floor with a resounding THUD (knowing how to fall is a useful skill). The reaction was about a third laughs, a third stage-gasps, and a third just confusion. But I did get a few compliments after the exercise on my impression and my theatrics.
So I'd say that was a pretty big hit.
Scene: Halloween night (this is key), I am donned in normal garb (this is even keyer), and am approaching the front door to my parents house...
Me: knocks on door
Dad: opens door
Dad: "You dressed as a loser?"
Me: :(
End Scene.
Scene: Wife and I have just come from her 12 week ultrasound where the baby was moving and rolling all over the place. Passed by our local cafe to grab a 1kg (2.2lb) bag of coffee beans.
Walking down the street cradling my coffee like a baby. Say to my wife "check out my baby." She replies "yeah but mine is so much more active." I say " no, mine's full of beans."
We laughed our way back to the car.
I (f) took a risk by showing my dad-ness to a guy I've gone on a few dates with. I'd say it went well.
Scene: In line at the grocery store.
Me: Those are nice shoes!
Him: Thanks, I like them but the soles came off pretty early.
Me: So, what you're saying is they're the devil's shoes?
Him: ...
Me: ...because they're sole-less.
I laughed, he rolled his eyes, and I got a bonus sigh from the lady in front of us.
The scene where Max is grabbed by the Pole Cat,
http://cdn.collider.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/mad-max-fury-road-image-the-war-rig.jpg
and ends up getting dumped onto the car with the drums and guitar guy
http://i.guim.co.uk/static/w-620/h--/q-95/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2015/3/31/1427821675682/5e25da37-61d7-44fd-a9a3-b2f5b8b5a791-620x372.jpeg
I leaned over to my GF and said "It looks like he's jumped onto... the bandwagon" She totally lost it :)
Scene: My roommate's girlfriend and I are giving each other a hard time.
My roommates girlfriend: I will defeat you!
Me: You cannot, they are attached pretty well!
my dad will ask the waiter if their sea bass is ill tempered. Here is a link to the scene from Austin Powers for anyone who doesn't know the line. Only two waiters have ever gotten the joke.
... and the first scene (the birth of Superman) when the woman is screaming in pain my dad remarks " See, it hurts because he is made out of steel."
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
You have to rush Limbaugh!
3.My noodle soup doesn't taste that good. It really laksa certain quality.
4.I know its cheesy, but I feel grate!
6.How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
7.What was Forrest Gump's email password? "1forrest1"
8.I CAN because I'm a CANadian!
9.I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
10.Never trust atoms, they make up everything.
11.Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.
12.There are plenty of fish in the sea but until I catch one I'm just stuck here holding my rod...
AND MY FAVOURITE! 13.I was at the scene of a crime, it took place at a cartoonists house, we couldnt find work though, it was sketchy.
IM STILL WORKING ON #12 Post your favourite/own pun in the comments, this will now be... Puntastic! Also OGRES ARE LIKE ONIONS! THEY HAVE LAYERS! Chow!
...and there is a scene where Milo stabs the Senator through the arm with a mini sword.
My mom turns to me and says "He didn't have very good armer".
My Dad tells this story all the time. He goes into great detail about what we bought at the mall and what the pig looked like, just to make it more believable. It usually takes a good 20 minutes to tell the story, it's nearly impossible to keep a straight face.
Did I ever tell you about the time we hit a pig on the highway? We were driving home from the mall and all of a sudden, BAM, we hit a pig. We didn't know what to do. The car wasn't damaged and we couldn't see what happened to the pig, so we just drove home. That night, we get a phone call and it's the police. "Sir, were you driving on I85 this afternoon", the police officer says. "Yes, I was officer" "Did you know it's against the law to leave the scene after running over a farm animal? That will be a $500 fine", says the officer. "No sir I didn't know it was against the law. But I've got to ask, how did you know it was me that ran over the pig?" The police officer responds, "The pig squealed"
My mom was watching this show called "Parenthood." It's about a family from grandparents to grandchildren. In one scene in Season 3 there's a scene where the grandpa lands a role in a commercial, and the entire family laughs when he tells them it's an erectile dysfunction commercial. One of the grandkids, not knowing what ED is, asks "What's 'ereptile' dysfunction?" So naturally I turn to my mom and say "It's when your snake doesn't work."
My mom got mad for some reason.
My class is making a short action film. In this scene the main character just strangled a bad guy using his own earphones. Then he drops the dead body and puts on sunglasses (csi style) and says......????? Help Make a good pun and or comeback. (does not have to be school appropriate) I'm opun to any ideals
Scene: down pouring and John is sitting in his destroyed house completely dry
Bf:why is he not wet? There is no roof!
Me: because he wicks the water away stares at bf with huge smile on my face
Bf: shut the fuck up
Scene; Nighttime a few days back - just before bedtime - allowing my 2yr old son outside to say goodnight to the moon. Because of the time of year it was big, yellow and close to the horizon.
Son: Daddy, the moon is hungry. Me: Nah, it's Full.
We're watching the live action 101 Dalmatian movie. It's the scene where Cruella falls through the floor and lands in what looks like a bunch of poop, chasing after one of the puppies.
My daughter asks me,"What is that stuff she fell into supposed to be?". I replied,"Pretty sure it's supposed to resemble poop." She goes,"So I guess that puppy set a poopy trap."
Setting: movie theater during the "fish are friends" scene; aka heavy talking
(Dad) psst
(Me) what
(Dad) where do fish go to have a drink
(Me) not able to hear dialogue Idc shhhh
(Dad) a can-tuna
(Me) goddammit
EDIT: Thanks for getting me to the frontpage of /r/dadjokes for a day! I'm glad you all benefitted from my pain!
The scene: Day after Thanksgiving, been browsing black friday deals on my phone all day.
Me: Hey, that's cool, they've got Updoc on sale for 15 bucks.
Her: Updoc? What's Updoc?
Me: Not much, what's up with you?
Can't believe I actually pulled it off, she wouldn't speak to me for a good half-hour after that.
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
Visiting my dad for the weekend, watching an old movie when a scene with nuns comes on, I ask him "Why are they called nuns?" Without missing a beat, his reply: "If you try to get with them, you'll get "nun".
I'm a dad and I like telling it, so I guess that's qualification enough. I heard this joke about 26 years ago, and I still laugh at it. Slightly long, so don't hate me.
A guy that lives alone decided that he wanted to get a pet. He went to a pet store in his city to see what was available. The man tells the associate at the store that he wants a pet, but he doesn't want an "ordinary" pet like a cat or dog, he wants something unique. The associate asks the man if he by chance has a swimming pool at his house, and the man replies that he indeed does have a pool. The associate says, "Great! I've got just the pet for you. Actually it is two pets -- two beautiful porpoises. And these aren't ordinary porpoises, either. They will never die, but there is one small catch. To keep them alive, once a year at noon on July 1, you have to feed each one of them an immature sea gull, before the birds have learned to fly." The associate tells the man that he shouldn't worry about the annual feeding, though, because the associate will always make sure he has two birds available for the man every year on July 1.
The man buys the pets, fills his swimming pool with salt water, and really enjoys the companionship of the porpoises throughout the year. On June 30, the man calls the pet store to make sure the two birds are available, and sure enough they are. The next day, he goes to the pet store at 10 a.m. to purchase the birds, and while he is inside the store he hears a lot of commotion coming from just outside the store. He goes to the front of the store to see what's going on outside, and he finds that there is a huge, ferocious lion trying to get into the store through the front door. Luckily, the door swings outward from the store, so the lion can't get it open. The police call the store associate to tell him what has happened. The main attraction (the lion) from the state zoo just up the road from the store had escaped, and the lion could sense all the small animals that were inside the pet store, so he was trying to get into the store to eat them. The police are waiting for the zoo's lion tamer to show up and get the animal back into captivity.
Meanwhile, the man who was at the store to buy the birds to feed to his pets was getting really anxious. He was trapped inside the store, there was no other exit, and the time was quickly approaching noon. The associate reminded the man that he absolutely had to feed his pets at precisely noon, otherwise th
... keep reading on reddit β‘I'd gone to see the movie with my cousins and there's a scene in which croc is doing a lot of push ups. So I whispered to unlucky cousin sitting next to me, "he's a member of a gym called crocsfit". That look of pure disgust is what I live for.
I was helping my fiancΓ©e decide on something for breakfast:
Me: Would you like a banana?
Her: I don't really feel like a banana.
Me: Good, because you are a human.
Cue the eye roll.
Scene.
My 2 year old daughter was playing with a toy horse and wrapping a pink ribbon around it. It was starting to look like a bondage scene so I turned to my wife and said: "Look honey, 50 shades of neigh". She shook her head harder than Michael J. Fox.
My roommate isn't a fan of reading. "It's a waste of time," according to him, so he prefers movies. After finishing a movie today he told me it happened to be based on real events, saying he might have to look it up. The following was our IM.
Me: Neat, that sounds like a good read, yeah?
Roomie (b/c the movie had a sex scene): But words don't have tits, so there's one problem, lol
Me: Lord. Maybe you should try reading some smut sometime. It's puts on sunglasses titillating! Yyyyeeaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
Roomie: Guh. Awful
I think I owe him a pint, now.
When I was like 11 years old back in 1981 and watching Close Encounters of the Third Kind with my dad, there is a scene where Richard Dreyfuss is in the shower with clothes on. My dad says "do you know why he is in the shower with clothes on?" I shake my head no thinking I'm missing something in the movie. He replies "because it's a PG rated movie!"
Scene: Me and my friends watching 'Pretty Woman.'
Friend: I wonder what that elevator guy's job is like?
Me: It has its up and downs.
A man brought his son to a grocery store, but as soon as they walked in the store the young child began to throw a temper tantrum. While they went down each aisle the child would yell, throw items in and out of the cart, and overall just be an annoyance.
Despite the scene his son was causing, the father was cool and collected, slowly and calmly saying, "Don't worry, Donald. It'll be alright, Donald, we'll be home soon."
A nearby mother was very impressed with the father's self control, and wanted to express her gratitude for such calm parenting. "Sir, I'm amazed that you are able to be so calm! It's not every day I see such patient and gracious parenting. Now little guy, what seems to be the problem, Donald?"
"Oh no, ma'am, you're mistaken!" The father interjected, "This is my son, Henry. I'm Donald!"
^(Happy Father's Day to all you fathers out there! Thank you for all you do.)
When i was growing up my dad would always tell this one joke.
"Once upon time there was a daddy tomato, a mommy tomato, and a baby tomato. One day the tomato family went for a walk, however the baby tomato started to fall behind. The daddy tomato got angry and went back to baby tomato stomped on him and said ketch-up"
He told this joke at least once a month for ten years. When I was sixteen he showed me Pulp Fiction. I nearly killed him at this scene https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrGeOHpEGk0
We were watching the newest Hunger Games movie a couple of weekends ago. Throughout the film she was (very quietly) whispering interesting things that were in the books but not the film.
Mild Spoilers
There is a certain part where a character goes back for a cat.
End Mild Spoilers
She leans over and I think she was going to tell me another interesting things about the scene. She whispered a little louder than the other times, "You've gotta be kitten me right meow!"
You could hear the slight chuckle from the people in front of us and I had to stifle my laughter. I probably shouldn't find it that funny, but I love good timing and a corny joke.
Scene: A family exploring a busy city, they've been walking for a while.
Sister: "My feet are so sore can we sit down somewhere soon?"
Dad: Sees the church that he wanted to check out "We can go inside that church"
Sister: "I just don't wanna walk any more though"
Dad: "But when you go inside, you can sit down and let your sole be healed" (Alt. Ver. "Let your soul be heeled")
It didn't hit me that we were dad joked until we were sitting inside.
While watching The Lion King, Mufasa appears at the beginning scene, and my friend goes Him:"Mufasa" GF: "Why not move slower?"
Groans and eye rolling all around
I got two. This was at a wildlife preserve while my family and I were visiting Alaska.
Aftermath: She didn't get it.
Aftermath: The sound of 3 hand smacking their foreheads.
This past weekend, my sister was visiting my dad and I. We're all on the same floor but they're both on the opposite side of the house from me. Suddenly, from across the house I hear my dad loudly yelling "PHONE!"... "PHOOOOOONE!" I walk over to check out the scene. I ask "What's going on?", and my dad replies:
"Your sister can't find her phone, so she asked me to call it"
...Seriously, dad?
During the scene where Astrid first flies on Toothless, my wife pointed out that Toothless is adorable and romantic. I said "Yeah, he's one hell of a wingman."
This was quite a while ago, I was probably in middle school (currently 26). My family took a quick day trip to Universal Studios Hollywood since we live in the greater LA area. Now to set the scene, my dad is a native of Mexico but has lived here since his late teens so his English is pretty good with a tinge of an accent since Spanish is his primary language. We park in the parking garage on property and we do the usual "make a mental note of where we parked for later". That's when I see a smirk come across his face as he turns to me laughing under his breath.
-"What's so funny?"
-"Notice where we parked?"
-"Yeah. Jurassic Park lot, 3B"
Cue dad
-"Jurassic Park..." half expecting me to laugh. He continues "Jurassic Park... Jurr-Ass-is-Parked"
facepalm
As terrible as it was at the time, I've tried to pull this joke out with friends years later, eye rolls and crickets. Thanks dad.
this was years ago, I had forgotten until it came up in conversation today. when Finding Nemo came out on DVD most of us hadn't seen it, and my oldest sister was home from her first year in college. my mom gets all excited to have a Disney movie night for old time's sake and makes a big deal about it.
so we all get settled with popcorn and all, and the movie begins. if you haven't seen it, the first scene is a bit tragic... to refresh people's memory, a barracuda attacks the soon-to-be parents and eats the mom and unhatched eggs. this is probably less than 5 minutes into the movie.
it's dead quiet in the house as Marlin swims around yelling for his mate and looking in the now empty spot where their eggs were hidden. He sees the lone surviving egg on the ocean floor and swims to it. honoring his deceased mate's wishes, he names his only child "Nemo"
instantly my dad stands up, turns off the TV and says "Ha! I found him! that was fun." and walks away.
tl;dr: my dad beat the whole family in a game of "Finding Nemo"
Setting the scene: My fiance, a friend of ours, and I were out mountain biking on a local trail. At the trail head we see a car that looks similar to one that belongs to our other friend "Dan."
Fiance: is that Dan? Me: what? Fiance: that looks like Dan (points to car) Friend: no, that's a car.
Me and my dad went to see iron man 2 (I think?).. I'm pretty sure this is the one with the scene of Thor's hammer at the end of the credits. Well anyway, right after that after-credits scene my dad stands up, stretches, and announces "man that scene has me thor all over!"
Nobody laughed except my father, who continued to laugh all the way out to the parking lot.
So tonight my boyfriend, roommate and I are watching Wreck it Ralph with some friends. We're about a half an hour in and we are at the scene right before Venelope throws the medal into the funnel thing(?). King Candy is currently throwing candy to the audience members who are made out of candy.
Guy Friend: Wait. So. They're made out of candy, but King Candy is giving them candy to eat???
Boyfriend: Yeah. They're candybals.
Roommate and I dissolve into a fit of giggles.
Went to a local restaurant with my dad and younger siblings earlier today. When our waitress came along and pointed out their all you can eat buffalo wing special, my dad pulled this:
Dad: "All you can eat, huh? You know, I tried to get into the competitive eating scene once."
Brother: "You did? When was that? Why didn't you keep going?"
Dad: "Well, after a few competitions I just couldn't stomach the pressure anymore."
Even the waitress groaned.
I'm with my dad watching a horror flick when a scene comes on where a woman gets drilled in the head. Me: Oh man that was crazy! Dad: Yeah, she really got screwed! Chuckles ensued.
Switching my car into reverse and speeding away from the scene of the accident.
Scene: The lady at the front desk is telling us how long the facilities are open.
"Okay, so the pool is open 7-10, the bar is open 6-11, and the gym is open 24 hours."
My dad starts giggling, looks at me, and says "24 hours? I can't work out that long!".
Cue the groans from my mother and I.
I finished Season 4 of Breaking Bad last night and I texted my mom (who's seen the whole show) telling her about what I thought of it.
I said, "Yeah, Gus's death was pretty much the most disturbing thing I've ever seen on TV (alongside a certain Game of Thrones scene, but she doesn't watch that...)."
She replied, "Yeah, that whole finale was pretty mind-blowing."
My dad waited tables to pay his way through college, and he tells a story about one customer who'd made a scene upon entering the restaurant and seemed to be a dickhead generally.
(Guy sits down)
Dad: Welcome to (insert restaurant name), can I get you anything to start out? An appetizer?
Guy: Well, how's your cook?
Dad: Oh, he's great.
Guy: No. I mean how long's he been cooking?
Dad: About two... two and a half years. But he should be just about done by now.
The guy was pissed...
Yesterday I was watching a film with the family, with a scene where the main character was driving towards the camera for a while. My Mum said "Ooh, do you know how they film those scenes?"
My Dad and I simultaneously turned to her and said "with a camera".
The pride in his face almost made me well up.
[scene: me talking to my girlfriend on Skype]
Her: Is there a clock nearby? I can hear the tick-talking.
Me: Well what is it saying?
During this scene in the music video Sledgehammer by Peter Gabriel I said to my daugher, "I always wanted to try that move, but I was too (two) chicken"
So let me set the scene. Me and a friend are sitting at wendy's (were both 17) and this old gentleman walks in. He orders his food, sits down to eat it, then out of no where, gets up and comes over to us. He continues to tell us how he saw someone fall off his bike on the walk here, he goes to walk away, and he says "wait, if anyone ever tells you to go to the doctor cause you're sick, and that doctors name is doctor duck, don't do it because he's a quack." My friend was dying laughing and I just groaned.
My brother and I were watching this movie called Nonstop. For those who don't know, it's about Liam Neeson and he has to stop killings on a plane every twenty minutes.
So there's a scene where the plane depressurizes and I leaned toward my brother and whispered, "You know, if I was in that situation, I'd be under a lot of pressure too".
(No spoilers) For those who haven't seen it, In the new Hobbit movie there is a scene where Tauriel, the female elf helps revive one of the dwarves using some ancient elven magic. Cue my dad leaning over with a glint in his eye, and whispering "I've always been a big fan of the National Elf Service!". He's a doctor and finds these sorts of things hilarious.
Watching Pilot episode of Breaking Bad with my dad when a scene comes on of Walt putting his money in his dryer
Dad: "Look, he's laundering his money already!"
Scene: Before practice with my band, my drummer and I occasionally sit on the balcony and smoke a cigarette. It's extremely windy and we began to talk about our jackets.
Me: This is why I love my jacket. It keeps me incredibly warm
Drummer: Does it break wind?
Me: Yeah, it's really embarrassing when it decides to fart in public.
Scene: trimming my mustache Wife: why are you cutting it Me: I like it a hair above my lip
[Scene: Me frantically looking for my sweater because I'm running late for class]
Me: Dad have you seen my sweater? Dad: Yes... Me: Really? Where? Dad: Yesterday
Scene: on skype with my brother and he is showing us old pictures that he had from my old laptop, and he sees an old picture of our dad (who is currently behind me)
Brother: "Hey you look like Geraldo Rivera...er Geraldo Rivera?"
(pronounced like Gerald-o and then Herald-o)
Brother: "How do you say it anyways?"
Dad: "Well, it depends on how you pronounce it."
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