Why did Hugh Jackman punch a monk selling flowers?

Because only Hugh can prevent florist friars

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamcalifornia
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2021
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What's the hardest part of becoming a Buddhist monk?

Just being offered the chants

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW2
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
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I really wanted to become a monk.

But I never got the chants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArcticTrek
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
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You know Swiss Cheese was developed by monks in the Swiss Alps

Doesn't that make it....

Holey cheese?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaniusCruiser
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
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One of my cousins is thinking of becoming a Dominican monk. I think he was drawn to their decision making process.

Those Dominicans have quite the republic.

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πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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What do you call a monk with a pilot license?

An Air Friar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/meatfish
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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How many wives can a monk have?

Nun

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aperiogon3141
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
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A monk, a priest, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.

Rabbit says β€œI think I’m a type O”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/B1RDS-ARENT-REAL
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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Where do sex worker monks live?

At a moanastery

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Dets
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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Why aren't there any Calvinist monks?

They don't believe in chants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shawbjj
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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How did the police identify the body of a dead monk?

They checked his transcen-dental records.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Funk_Dunker
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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What do you call a monk that loves chips?

A chipmunk!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaron5_55
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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Today, I was accosted by an angry Monk brandishing a bouquet.

Remember, only YOU can prevent Florist Friars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainNuge
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
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Playing as a Monk in Dungeons & Dragons isn’t so hard.

You just have to roll with the punches and look out for number one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Soft_Spoken
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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My friend became monk recently. I asked him if he'd take a vow of silence, but he didn't answer

I guess it goes without saying

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Westerfield
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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What did the monk say who saw the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine?

I can't believe it's not Buddha.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LongDecision1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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A monk goes into a pizza shop

A monk goes into pizza shop and says β€œCan you make me one with everything”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/red8user
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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Did you guys hear about the Buddhist monk who refused anesthesia during his root canal?

Apparently he wanted to transcend dental medication.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brave_council
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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What’s a monk’s favorite unit of measurement?

Ohms

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Claw198
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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What did the monk say when he was asked to leave his temple?

Namaste.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Car_radio21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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What does a Linkin Park fan and a Buddhist monk have in common?

They both know that in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boredkid03
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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Hey look a monk-key
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itchycjm1010
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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Two British monks set up a small snack stand at the parish fair.

They divided the duties equally: one was the fish friar, and the other was

the chip monk!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/franksymptoms
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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A Buddhist monk leave the monastery...

Dissatisfied with the style of life that he found there, The Monk decides to move into a suburban neighborhood and start up his own line of work. Being trained in the peaceful ways he gets on very well with his neighbours who eventually notice that he has a very strange profession. Despite being very strong and very philosophical The Monk elects to repeatedly visit places with broken fences and remove and replace them.

One day has neighbour approaches him and asks, "with the physical strength and mental capacity that you seem to have, are you not interested in a more physically or mentally challenging job?"

To which The Monk replies, "but everybody knows reposting gives you the most karma."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondChocobos
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog cart vendor?

The monk said "make me one with everything."

Monk handed him a $20 bill. Vendor handed him his hot dog.

The monk asked for his change.

The vendor replied "change must come from within."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tallmon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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Do you know why monks never leave a party?

They’re always thinking β€œNahImmaStay”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSinkingShit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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The Monk and The Cow

A monk sits at the peak of a hill that overlooks where the grassy Earth meets a river, the river flows with a breeze, and the breeze explores a mountain range, and the mountains neighbor the sky, and the sky conceals the entire universe, hiding the unknown in plain sight. The monk exhales "Ooooomm". He repeats this until a noise, very faint, breaks his chant.

"moo."

The monk stops for a moment but, without changing his position, dismisses it. "Ooooooommm." He begins again.

He's interrupted again, "moooo."

The monk turns to find a cow looking up at him from the bottom of the hill. "Kind cow," the monk says, "please do not interrupt my meditation."

The cow stares blankly back at the monk. The monk sighs and continues.

"Oooooommmm-"

Even louder, "Mmmooooooooo."

"Dear cow, I must reach enlightenment. Please, refrain from making your cow noises or find another hill."

The monk continues again, "Oooooooommmm-"

"MMMmmoooooooooooO!" The cow exclaims.

The monk stands up angrily, "Cow! Why must you interrupt my chanting?"

The cow replies, "Because you're saying it backwards!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/baconbuddy95
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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What did the Monk say when he saw Jesus’s face in fake butter

I CAN’T BELIEVE ITS NOT BUDDHA!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dogzilla615
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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What's it called when a Tibetan monk wants to kill a colleague, but needs spiritual preparation first?

A premeditated murder

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrotherTausil
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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Have you all heard about the monk who claimed to see the face of jesus in a tub of margarine?

He said β€œi cant believe its not Buddha”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/basecamp13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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Which city are Tibetan monks not particularly fond of?

Budapest

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Obsidian_Revenger
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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What do they call a philosophical monk that works at McDonald's?

A deep friar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/waldo06
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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When I was growing up, I wanted to become a monk.

I never got the chants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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How many wives can a monk have ?

Nun.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
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How many wives can a monk have?

Nun

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Breachx4002
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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What do you call a levitating monk?

An air friar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hungytoaster
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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I always wanted to be a Gregorian monk.

But I never got the chants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daviscojokes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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I always wanted to become a gregorian monk

But I never had the chants

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Audi0phil3
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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I always wanted to be a Gregorian monk...

But I never got the chants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WorldsMostDad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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What did the Tibetan Monk say when he saw Jesus in a tub of margarine?

"I can't believe it's not Buddha."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mayorodoyle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.

The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TomCanBe
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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I wanted to be a monk.

But I never got the chants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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A Buddhist monk, a Catholic priest, and a rabbit walk into a bar...

The rabbit says "I think I'm a typo"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tao1976
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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A priest, a monk, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank

The rabbit says, "I'm a type O."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/freshstart86221
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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Never buy flowers from a monk...

Only you can prevent florist friars

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shroomtree
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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"Never buy flowers from a monk", Smokey the Bear said.

Only you can prevent florist friars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jack_Forrest
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
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What did the monk say when he saw the face of Jesus in a margarine tub?

I can't believe it's not Buddah.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShibbleNibble
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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What did the Buddhist monk ask for at the hotdog stand?

β€œMake me one with everything.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
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