We were driving past a mined mountain.
"They're taking that mountain for granite."
A good friend of mined dropped this...
Some of us are helping my friend push a cart with a lot of stuff.
Friend 1: Hey, let me go call the elevator.
Friend 2: What're you gonna call it?
That's mine pun
If you open your mind to the wind, you will be mind blown
Just had this back and forth with my co-worker. Her husband works in explosives.
Me: seems appropriate for you and yours: http://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/32gzy7/what_was_the_secret_to_the_miners_success/
Her: That’s a dynamite answer!
Me: I noticed the explosion of laughter over there
Her: Rock on!
Me: gold-standard of jokes here
Her: so precious
Me: digging deep on that one
Her: pickin away one at a time
Me: we have definitely hit the pay dirt of mining puns
Her: definite Honey Hole here!
Me: not sure that joke bee-longs here
Her: you are a total BUZZZZZZ kill
Me: comb on it wasn’t that bad
A friend of mine is quite well known for sweeping girls off their feet.
He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.
Not mine. But always makes me giggle
Friend of mine asked why I took a side job at the bakery
I told him I don’t knead the dough, but I do get a rise out of it
A friend of mine claimed he saw a Daihatsu stretch limo.
It turned out to be a big Charade.
My grandpa worked the mines his entire life
I really miss him, he was the coalest man I knew
A coworker of mine spilled boiling hot coffee on my leg and had the nerve to ask where it hurts
Will you “cheese” be mine? ❤️
I own a old mining helmet with a light on it.
But I never wear it....
It makes me light headed.
A friend of mine asked why I started a spice garden.
I just figured it was thyme.
A farmer friend of mine recently made a great sci-fi film
It's called Robo-crop starring Wil Wheaton.
A buddy of mine named his dog “5 Miles” so he could tell people he walked 5 miles
But today he ran over 5 Miles
A friend of mine thinks he's an expert on tree types.
He refers to himself as a conifer
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
I was dismayed this afternoon when my wife told me my 6-year-old son wasn't actually mine.
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
What do you call a grazing cow that swallowed a land mine.
Yesterday a friend of mine told me he has a new job. He's garbage man now...
well, he didn't let that opportunity go to waste
A friend of mine made a terrible mistake at work.
When he came in the next day, his face was purple. His co-workers told him he shouldn’t beet himself up.
A friend of mine tore his tongue in two in a freak accident.
I told him to get to the hospital lickety-split.
I asked my girlfriend if I could make her mine. "Yes! Oh, yes!" she shouted, eyes filling with tears. "Great!" I said.
"Now take this pick and go find me some gold!"
A friend of mine was recently injured in a bad Peek-a-Boo accident
A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb.
He just can't part with it.
A cousin of mine posted a couple of jokes on this sub, but the mods deleted them.
He’s my cousin, twice [removed]
A friend of mine runs a funeral home
People are dying to go there.
A friend of mine planned to use balloons to propose to his internet girlfriend, but then they finally met face to face.
He immediately popped the question.
A funeral director friend of mine bought a brand new Cadillac hearse.
People are dying to take a ride in it.
(As told by my friend the funeral director?
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns.
Toucan play at that game.
Locksmith friend of mine just retired, said he never once got rained out.
It seems that all of his work was in doors.
My wife asked me if I thought the kids were spoiled
I said "no, I think they're supposed to smell like that."
You want to know where dads store all the dad jokes?
They store it in dad-a-base.
What do you call a monkey in a mine field?
A friend of mine is a dermatologist
He started his career from scratch.
There were no mines in Soviet Russia
Your nose will never be 12 inches long
Because then it would be a foot.
I was thinking about opening a donut shop next to a marijuana shop and calling it....
A friend of mine just said to me “I’m training to be garbage man”
I said “You don’t need training for that! You just pick it up as you go along”
A friend of mine makes good money selling camel’s milk, but he has to put up with surly camels all day.
I farted into my wallet.
Now I have gas money.
(My 13-year-old son told me that one.)
Why don’t chickens like to mine for gold?
They might find a nugget.
I told my wife I was going to accompany her to get her Covid Vaccine, and see if they could do mine as well. She said they probably wouldn't. I replied, "I don't know..."
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
A friend of mine told me he was looking to buy stock in Bose.
I told him it would be a sound investment.
Apparently the COVID vaccine causes constipation
When I got mine the other day they told me I had to wait 3 weeks to get number 2.
I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 5 year old son wasn't actually mine.
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
