*sighs* You know what melancholy flowers make me think of?

Melons and cauliflowers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/djam109
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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I brought cheese dip to my melancholy friend’s party.

He just looked at me and said, β€œQueso?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skiftonoid
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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Melancholy baby

At my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary, my grandpa says, "I always called Shirley my melancholy baby because she has a head like a melon and a face like a collie."

This was a decade ago, so it didn't make any more sense then that he was referencing a song from the 1920's/30's.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/willythedeer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2013
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What do you call a sad dog made of fruit?

A melancholy melon collie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/singableinga
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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What's the saddest breed of dog?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/logan_btw
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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Early morning work groans are the best groans

A little too proud of this one...

So I’m on my usual Tuesday morning conference call with a bunch of vendors, coworkers, bosses, etc...

With his dog barking in the background one of my bosses chimes in and says β€œJust so you all know, I’m on the call but I’m outside right now having my roof looked at so I might be a little distracted”.

I couldn’t resist... With the instincts of a wild puma plotting against it’s poor defenseless prey, I pounce...

β€œIs your dog lookin at it?

Cuz he keeps saying ROOF!!! ROOF ROOF!!!”

I was immediately rewarded with a spectacular cacophony of groans and β€œthat was awful”’s... It was glorious. I’m pretty sure I’ll get another promotion for it.

EDIT: So... no promotion... but in a pure, hilarious coincidence, I actually DID just get the news that I'm finally getting that raise they promised me at my last review. Too fuckin funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OreoGaborio
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2018
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What is Edgar Allen Poe's favorite breed of dog?

A melancholy

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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How did the scientist feel after he failed to combine Lassie and a watermelon?

Melancholy.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
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Scientists were excited to announce the successful cross-breeding of Lassie and a cantaloupe.

However, it was a melancholy baby.

(Credit to Calvin & Hobbes).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
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If you crossed Lassie with a cantaloupe

would you have melancholy babies?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MilPens
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2018
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What do you get when you mix a border collie and a cantaloupe?

A melancholy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreemanForever
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2017
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On melons...

I got together with a girl named Melanie...

but then she said "Honeydew all of the laundry"...

I just cantaloupe with someone who makes me do all the work....

it makes my life full of melancholy!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zap-Brannigan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2012
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Why was Lassie sad to get a cantaloupe?

It made her melon-collie (melancholy).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asmor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2014
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Dadjoked a friend at a funeral--I Regret Nothing

At a funeral reception recently a friend of mine grabbed a cucumber, honeydew appetizer. I remarked: "are those for the melancholy????". (Un)fortunately I was not forcibly removed from the reception; I showed myself out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Herbert_Westfall
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2015
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