A Roman walks into a bar and says “I’ll have a martinus.”
The bartender asks “Don’t you mean a martini?”
In response the Roman says “If I wanted a double I’d have asked for it!”
I went into a Roman bar and asked for a Martinus.
The bartender said, “don’t you mean a Martini?”
I glared at him and said, “I only want one!”
What’s the difference between in-laws & out-laws?
Why did Eminem prefer the Johnson & Johnson vaccine?
What do you get when you mix a penis, potato & a boat?
Pete & Repeat were in a boat. Pete fell out & who was left?
Repeat.
Ok. Pete & Repete were in a boat. Pete fell out & who was left?
Repeat….?
Ok. Pete & Repete were in a boat. Pete fell out & who was left?…
My grandpa’s favorite joke. (Peter 5)
My best friend gave me this today because I'm obsessed with pigs & it is the best card I've ever gotten.
reddit.com/gallery/lkaalp
I was taught by my driving instructor to hold the steering wheel at 10 & 2 o clock
At other times i would just crash.
Hired a handy man and gave him a list. When I got home, only items #1, 3, & 5 were done.
Turns out, he only does odd jobs.
I just heard that Snap, Crackle & Pop, Tony the Tiger and Capn Crunch have all been killed.
Sounds like the work of a Cereal Killer.
Getting one dose of Pfizer & one dose of Moderna is called a
Petco has a new Covid vaccine for animals & humans. In tests, some people have reported excessive hair growth on their hands. I'm going to get it anyway...
but it does give me paws.
A poet & a thief walk into a bar...
... Bar tender says "Hi Dave".
A detective showed up at my house and asked me where I was between 5 & 6
looking for plant & clothing/accessories related puns
Art by Cyanide & Happiness
Saw an Adam & The Ants tribute act
I said “you’re not Adam Ant!”, he said “yeah i am.” we argued all night, but he really was adamant.
I am a butcher by trade & yesterday I accidently backed into the meat grinder
I got a little behind in my work
Looks like Earth & Mars are fighting again
Earth just told Mars to "get a life"
I need an adult, pls & thank u
Playing as a Monk in Dungeons & Dragons isn’t so hard.
You just have to roll with the punches and look out for number one.
I just saw Jesus & a couple of His disciples drive past me in a new car
Looks like it was a Christler
How can you tell the difference between male & female ants
Put them in water. Girl ants sink. The rest are boy-ant
When a clogged drain killed his family, a clog far past the u-bend & far beyond justice, he knew had to take matters into his own filthy hands. He had to become...
Defeating Predators With Facts & Logic
I just returned from my MIL's funeral, she was hit on the head during a tennis match & killed
It was a lovely service...
What’s the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo & Juliet?
One’s a Coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis
My dad went out for cigarettes 8 years ago & finally came back.
He said he was in the desert with his camels.
After 12 years, I finally played World of Warcraft again & all I have to say is
Did you notice that people started taking the looters & rioters seriously once New York was hit?
Probably because everyone knows where the Big Apple is, but not where the Minneapolis.
My grandfather lived for 96 years & he never used glasses.
He directly drinks from the bottle.
A, B, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, & Z are all racists.. How do I know?
Because they're all not 'C's.
I said to the baker, "How come all your cakes are 50p & that one's £1?"
He said, "That's Madeira cake"
3 domesticated Rams are in the kitchen, labelled A, B & C
If you put a pumpkin on ram A, nothing happens.
If you put a pumpkin on ram B you get the same result.
But if you put a pumpkin on Ram C it starts knocking things off counters, making a mess and abusing the kitchen staff.
I guess that is what happens when you put a gourd on ram c in the kitchen.
I’m starting a chiropractic business specializing in homeopathic & aromatherapy approaches...
When more & more people say “you’re my rock”....
You start feeling like gravel.
Why did the sled dog puppy shop in the Big & Tall store?
BL3 with Tomato Jokes? | Falls, Fails & Funny Moments | Psycho Krieg & the Fantastic Fustercluck DLC
youtu.be/Je2l0OxQl8E
Just found out there's a Law & Order UK.
It's produced by Spotted Dick Wolf.
I made the most expensive Mac & Cheese ever.
Apple Pie is a ridiculous $5 a slice in the U.S., but only $1 in Jamaica, the Bahamas, & the Virgin Islands
Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean
What do you get when you mix a penis & a potato?
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