[long pun, bear with it] A father and son are going fishing...

The father is showing his son how to prepare the fishing rod, how to set the line, and how to affix the bait. Father: "Now son, you can use many different kinds of bait. This worm, for example." The father says as he weaves the worm onto the hook and casts the line. Son: "What happens next dad?" As if on cue, the father pulls against the line, calling forth a panicked fish from the water. The son exclaims in amazement, as the father prepares the line for his next cast. He reaches into the tackle box, and beings to attach something to the hook. Son: "Dad, what kind of bait is that?" Father: "This is clickbait son." Son: "What happens next dad?" Father: "What happens next will shock you."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/appa-ate-momo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2017
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When I worked for a design agency, I had two adamant higher-ups... (Long Pun)

When I worked for a design agency, I had two adamant higher-ups. There was a brand identity project for a new company, and I was in charge of typography, but those two disagreed with my choice of font.

The first one was this stony-looking Peruvian-American man named Esteban Ferrero, but since that's Spanish for Steven Smith, and our company had a rule that everyone has to call each other using nicknames instead of last names, everyone, including himself, just called him Steve. The second one was a Dutch woman with a sharp glare named Evelien van der Berg. She was famous for giving designers a hard time convincing her that their design choices work better than hers. In accordance with the company rules, we called her Eve.

Anyway, I showed Steve my first draft, and he wasn't convinced that I chose LinoLetter as the main font, and told me that I should use a sans-serif font. But I stood by my position that serifs add legibility to printed and digital material, that it fits the company's identity as an organic store, and that it is hard to stand out with a sans-serif. It took a lot of debate, but in the end, Steve was convinced that LinoLetter was acceptable.

A few days later, I showed Eve a more elaborated version, as for the sizes and styles of the font, and the pairing of LinoLetter with Century as the headline font. She insisted that I should have used a sans-serif font for the headline. I expressed my view that LinoLetter is a font with composed and legible shape, and Century, while it is also legible, has flair at larger sizes. She kept disagreeing with me, saying I should use something bolder and more contrasting, like Tungsten. It felt like hours had passed before the conversation went anywhere, so I had to give up and look for a sans-serif font that goes with LinoLetter.

So it goes to show that the one who gave me a hard time was adamant Eve, not adamant Steve.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2016
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Where do you put your mystical cards?

In the tarot bowl. A threatening bovine on one of these cards is the terror bull. The cards are made out of paper, so they're tearable. When you take the cards out of the bowl, the bowl is now tare-able. But truth be told, this long pun is terrible.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zizmax_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2013
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Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?

Becuase then it will be a foot :)

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hahahajeff
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
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How long does it take to beat a Sega game backwards? Ages...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jason-29
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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What do you call a snake that's 3.14 feet long?

A "Ο€"thon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ididittoem
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you.

That’s the punch line.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/American_Spud
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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I found this long ago.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlhpaCrepe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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I remember standing in solitude, at the end of the long landing overlooking the Pacific Ocean - this disembodied voice was urging me to jump, so I did...

I never could stand up to pier pressure.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
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A horse walks into a bar... the bartender asks, β€œwhy the long face?”

The horse, not being able to comprehend human language, promptly shits on the floor and leaves.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFitBit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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Bit of a long shot...

but does anyone know a sniper?

πŸ‘︎ 267
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adfunk101
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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A long time bachelor met a girl in a bar with a glass eye.

As she sat down next to him her glass eye fell to the floor next to his stoll. He picked it up and handed it back to her.

They chatted all night and hit it off pretty well and eventually started dating.

One day while lying in bed, he turns to her and asks:

"Why me? Out of all the guys that were at the bar that night, why did you choose me?"

She looked at him surprised and said:

"Well, you caught my eye."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealitiesOfWar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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Great joke, albeit a bit long winded.

There was once a boy. He was the son of the richest man in the universe. Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, he dwarfed them all. He was a multi-trillionaire. Now, it was this boy's birthday. His father asked him,

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. A store full of lego, all the video games in the world, anything. What would you like?"

His son replied.

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one pink ping pong ball."

His father was rather confused by this request. Out of all the things he could've chosen, his son chose a ping pong ball. Nonetheless, he agreed and gave him a pink ping pong ball. His son was overjoyed and spoke to him.

"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong ball?"

"Okay son, go ahead."

The boy then went up to his room and played with his pink ping pong ball. When his father went in the next morning to check on him, the boy was sleeping in his bed and the pink ping pong ball was nowhere to be found.

On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"

His son replied.

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one box full of pink ping pong balls."

His father was again, confused by this. Still, he bought a cardboard box and filled it with ping pong balls. He gave it to his son, who said.

"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong balls?"

The father nodded, and the son went up to his room to play. The next morning when his father went to check, the boy was sleeping peacefully and there were no pink ping pong balls in sight. Just the empty cardboard box in the middle of the room.

On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one truck full of ping pong balls."

Now, by this point, the father was extremely confused. Why did the boy want so many pink ping pong balls and where were they going? He asked.

"My son. You are the most precious thing in the world to me and I can certainly get you this, but may I ask, why do you want

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phrresehelp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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Long live Rudolph the red
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pasd84
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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What's the secret of the Queen's long life?

Immortali-tea

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
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I saw a rock that was 5280 feet long

It was quite the milestone

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaoskrim
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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If Kanye becomes president, how long till we’re celebrating Yeezster instead?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Might-Aromatic
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
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Why your hand cant be 12 inches long?

Because then it would be a foot

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ewpx
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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My brother has been making amazing chicken on the grill for as long as I can remember.

I’d say he’s a seasoned pro.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anonymouspapayaz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
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I told my sister that my Johan Sebastian was hurting me after a long car ride.

She said: Your bach?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TSanther9047
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
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I'm testing how long until my gum runs out of flavor,

so it's an ex-spearmint.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigbuzz55
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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Why is the letter A like a flower?

Because a β€œb” comes after it!

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/90eight
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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How long does it take to get the Belgium waffle all the way from Belgium?

I overheard an older gentleman asking the waitress this before ordering at the diner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clit_or_us
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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My wife has been taking a course in advanced electrics and it's taken over her life. Everything she says these days concerns resistors, transformers, circuitry, voltage, ampage etc. All fucking day long, I've tried explaining to her it's driving a wedge between us, but she won't listen to reason.

She just buries her head in the sand like an off switch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
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My wife asked if our kids were spoiled.

I said, β€œNo, I think most kids smell that way.”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justshtmypnts
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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Tampons don't stay for long...

It's just for a period.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/your_dog_is_gay_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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I have created living numbers! In fact, one of them is psychic and told me that certain things will continue to happen for a long time.

At least for the four-seeable future.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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What happens if a polar bear sits too long on the ice?

It get polaroids

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quantity_Weary
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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The day I turned 42, my daughter walked up to me and said "happy...", and started timing on her watch. After a long silence she said...

"...40 second birthday". I was so proud.

πŸ‘︎ 32k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amplifi-dash
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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Wow! A ship that is 269 meters long in 1911?

Let that sink in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeHL
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
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What’s long, surprisingly bigger then expected, comes in different colors, and everyone wants a ride from

A limousine

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MF62SW
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
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I hung around so long that I won the loitery.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CatsCreepMeowt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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I said I was sad to have to go back to work on Monday after a long break. My four year old without missing a beat said...

Daddy, you're sad because it's SADurday.

I was so proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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Auntie went up ladder into high part of house. High part of house not so strong. High part of house have dangerous things. I worry about Auntie. She up there long time. Later Auntie come down ladder, safe. Whole event was..

Auntie climb attic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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What is a foot long and slippery?

A slipper!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/homepreplive
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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Have you ever wandered why it takes the President so long to complete a sentence when he speaks?

I guess he’s just Biden his time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Play2Win1776
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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I've been wearing this mask for so long, I wasn't sure I'd even be able to get rid of it.

But I pulled it off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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What's long, brown, and sticky?

A stick.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EggDog69
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
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A man walks into a bar after a long day at work.

He sits down, orders a beer, and begins to mull over his day.

After a few minutes he hears a quiet, and high pitched voice say "I like your shirt". He looks around and doesn't see anybody, so he goes back to his drink.

A few sips later he hears the same voice say "You have lovely eyes". He looks around again half expecting to see Alvin the chipmunk, but there is nothing.

After a few more sips, he hears it again, "I bet your parents are real proud of you". Finally he has had enough. He slams his drink down, looks over at the bartender, and says "what the hell is that high pitched voice I am hearing?!"

The bartender looks up and says "Its the peanuts...

They're complimentary."

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smoffatt34920
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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I’ve just booked a long weekend at a new Arable Farming theme park

It’s a-maize-thing

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Justlikeyourmoma
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
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Robert hated his nickname and longed to be discombobulated.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CatsCreepMeowt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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What do you call a dinosaur that’s in pain after sitting down for too long?

A Sore arse-saurus

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Music_Phasic
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself....

I'm getting too old for this s**t.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you.

That's the punch line.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
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Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you

That's the punch line

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryDumbDonkey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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Why can't your nose be twelve inches long?

Cuz then it would be a foot.

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doorgunner43
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you.

That's the punch line.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orthodoxtrucker
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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Why can’t a nose be 12 inches?

Cuz then it would be a foot

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/makecents91
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
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