23 Hilarious Ha Long Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

My brother has been making amazing chicken on the grill for as long as I can remember.

I’d say he’s a seasoned pro.

👍︎ 24

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📅︎ Apr 12 2021

My wife has been taking a course in advanced electrics and it's taken over her life. Everything she says these days concerns resistors, transformers, circuitry, voltage, ampage etc. All fucking day long, I've tried explaining to her it's driving a wedge between us, but she won't listen to reason.

She just buries her head in the sand like an off switch.

👍︎ 2

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👤︎ u/awesome_smokey

📅︎ Mar 18 2021

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What's six inches long, has a bald head and every woman loves?

A hundred dollar bill.

~~This is my dad's favorite joke.~~

👍︎ 9k

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👤︎ u/DoctorModalus

📅︎ Aug 21 2020

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What is long, rigid, flexible and has the letters p,e,n,I,s?

Spine.

👍︎ 5

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👤︎ u/labink

📅︎ Jan 10 2021

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My friend has completed his life-long dream of visiting Chernobyl

He now radiates happiness.

👍︎ 3

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👤︎ u/LeonXBB

📅︎ Aug 17 2020

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What’s big, long and has cum in it?

Cucumber

...your sick!

👍︎ 10

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👤︎ u/Ithinkhisnameis

📅︎ Apr 23 2020

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How long has Anakin been evil?

Since the sith grade

👍︎ 20

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👤︎ u/ketchupandpickles420

📅︎ Apr 06 2020

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Being cooped up in the house for so long has led me to attempt new hobbies. As an example, I'm currently studying how to adapt French phrases to describe the situation.

You could say it's my maison d'être.

👍︎ 5

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👤︎ u/this_time_i_mean_it

📅︎ Mar 30 2020

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My grandfather has a funny story he likes to tell people about how a long time ago he swallowed his wedding ring and then it came out 10 years later. I've heard him tell it many times over the years.

It's old butt gold.

👍︎ 211

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👤︎ u/byebyebyecycle

📅︎ Jun 27 2019

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It’s funny because the dog has a long nose

👍︎ 36

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👤︎ u/CamisDum

📅︎ Sep 18 2019

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This has been such a long week!!

It feels like a whole decade has passed!

👍︎ 7

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👤︎ u/DarthDader125

📅︎ Jan 04 2020

🚨︎ report

My executive assistant has long hair.

I call him my mane man

👍︎ 12

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline

📅︎ Aug 06 2019

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Does anyone for how long ground beef has to be on the floor before it’s ready?

👍︎ 10

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👤︎ u/VaiterZen

📅︎ Mar 12 2019

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Miles morales has a really long name

It’s over a mile long

👍︎ 5

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👤︎ u/mattoo-matte

📅︎ Jan 21 2019

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what's long, hard and has cum in it?

Cucumber

bet you were thinking something naughty

👍︎ 2

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👤︎ u/kefuzzles

📅︎ Mar 14 2019

🚨︎ report

What do you call a Canadian who has been living in USA for too long?

US Eh

👍︎ 9

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👤︎ u/Nishan_572

📅︎ Jan 05 2019

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After a long trip back home, my mother announced “If anyone has to go to the restroom, go now.” And I continued:

“Or forever hold your pee!”

👍︎ 11

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👤︎ u/Liqqa

📅︎ Jul 21 2018

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My white long haired cat, Noah, has a lot of hair

👍︎ 409

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👤︎ u/snickles19

📅︎ Oct 15 2013

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My dad has been camping in the forest for so long...

He can't bear it anymore.

👍︎ 60

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👤︎ u/Psychii_

📅︎ Nov 13 2015

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The pants factory has begun making all my inseams too long.

I say they should cut me some slack.

👍︎ 3

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👤︎ u/garbagearmy

📅︎ Jan 16 2018

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This winter has gone on for too long. imgur.com/HgkS8JL

👍︎ 13

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👤︎ u/N-Slash

📅︎ Mar 20 2014

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My Dad has said this one as long as I can remember

Me: So I was out with some friends... Dad: WAIT....you have friends?

(Insert any story about hanging out with friends over 20 years)

👍︎ 2

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👤︎ u/Auzyman

📅︎ Aug 22 2013

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Dad here: For as long as I can remember, this has been a stock line for me.

Woman makes a comment. Me:"Yeah, I have that effect on women"

Works on everything - "I'm hot", "I'm cold", "I'm bored", "I'm all wet" (choose your audience carefully), "I don't feel well", "I'm broke"...

👍︎ 2

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👤︎ u/Leatherhead_jarneck

📅︎ Aug 21 2013

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