I mean, I did not pay for ground beef.
It's just water under the fridge now.
She stayed down a lot longer than they do in the WWE
Credit to @AdamPacitti
"Yes, I'm not kidding you."
I was visibly panicking, but I lost it when he said it’s “All in your head.”
I was absolutely 50 1 5 1 500
IM LIVID
He becomes Livid.
I'll see myself out now.
It makes me LIVID.
So I got her an identical one. She was livid and said, “what am I going to do with 2 dead dogs?”
"The carpet by the front of my house is ruined. I'm livid," I told him.
He said, "Have you got a doormat?"
I said, "How else do you think people get in?! And my name isn't Matt."
I bet the driver's livid that he doesn't have a car any more.
Livid Davina, low car
So here's the setup: I recently started working for a taxi cab company. It's surprisingly lucrative, and a shitload better than McDonalds.
So I'm working, and I'm parked in front of a bar, hoping that a fare is gonna knock on my window, when about twenty feet or so in front of me, I see a very good friend of mine. I shout, and we spend the next few minutes shooting the breeze. A fare knocks on my window, and I driver her to where she needs to go.
After, I'm driving back to that bar, and I get a call from my friend, asking if I had another fare lined up. I didn't so he told me to come back, he's got a group for me. They get in the car, and these guys start bugging the shit out of me. Which I can handle. What I can't handle is when they start dealing each other cocaine in my back seat. At that point, I'm just livid. I tell them to give me my money and get the fuck out of my car.
Later, I chat my friend up on Facebook. I tell him that I'm super-grateful that he got me a fare, but to please not ever put those particular assholes in my car again. And since our relationship is built on surreal humor and snark, I start expanding the list. Those assholes. Colombian drug lords. Justin Beiber. Kim Jong-Un. Please, no Korean dictators.
"But what about a penis-shaped potato?"
I'll admit, that one threw me for a loop. But I tell him that potatoes are fine, regardless of shape, size, color, or type.
At that point, I could almost hear him laughing as he typed "Excellent. Instead of a dictator, I'll send you with a dick tater."
I was so pissed off I had walked straight into that one.
My sister just called me to tell me this story that just happened to her today:
She ordered boots from Amazon and they were delivered and left at the door (which her neighbor let her know). So she gets home and sees just the boot box...no Amazon box like every other package comes from them. Obviously, she's suspicious and thinks her boots were probably stolen.
She opens the box, the boots are there...BUT THEY'RE STUFFED WITH MCDONALD'S HAMBURGERS.
STUFFED. WITH. HAMBURGERS.
She calls our dad because she's livid and she yells WHO DOES THAT?!
His response?
The hamburglar.
Once upon a time in the 80’s, the religious supreme ruler of a middle eastern country fled outside military forces seeking to strip him of his power using whatever means necessary. Fearing for his life, he was secretly smuggled into the US where he reluctantly shaved his beard and attempted to blend in.
He successfully went native and got an apartment, and soon realized he needed a job to pay for food and rent. He didn't want to do any sort of manual labor or serve others, as he craved comfortable control. He eventually became a toll booth operator, where he enjoyed sitting in his high chair, making people pay him so that he would grant them passage. Over time he grew bold and began to use his own judgment on what vehicles would pay him for his blessing to cross.
One day, two semi-tractor trailer beverage trucks were in his line, a Pepsi truck in front, and a Coke truck behind. The Pepsi truck pulled up and he said "Pepsi truck, you may pass for free." The Pepsi truck driver happily accepted, and over his CB radio told the Coke truck driver “This guy just let me through for free!”. When the Coke truck pulled up, hoping to also pass for free, the toll booth dictator said "Coke truck, you will pay me 100 of your American dollars."
The Coke truck driver was livid, and said "You let that Pepsi truck pass for free! You want me to pay 100 dollars?! That’s outrageous! I am going to report this! What is your name?!" Our toll booth operator proudly replied "Ayatollah Cokemainly."
I M LIVID
I M LIVID
I'm LIVID
It makes me LIVID
IM LIVID
I M LIVID
I M LIVID
I M LIVID
IM LIVID
And I am LIVID!
I’m LIVID!
IM LIVID
IM LIVID
I M LIVID
