My college roommate, Anthony, was really into Italian food and Jamaican music.

We called him Reggae Tony.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/henry_holyoak
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I cook my food by myself, wash my dishes by myself, and tidy my house myself.

One can say that I am 'self-maid'

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zilver-alpha
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Nurse: Here is the list of heart, liver and kidney donors arranged in alphabetical order.

Doctor: Thank you. It is very organ-ized.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a scandal concerning a rich engineer where the list of accusations only gets longer and longer over time?

Elongate

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thatyougoon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I keep being awakened by dreams of Indian dishes that use a complex combination of spices or herbs, usually including ground turmeric, cumin, coriander, ginger, and fresh or dried chilies...

It's a re-curry-ing nightmare.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A man recently ran up to me announcing that he was a primary color, then instructed me to perform a modern dance trend on the fourth letter of the alphabet and food coloring.

He said "I'm blue, dab a D, dab a dye".

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Some people were arguing about the most important part of a kitchen.

"The sink is the most important! It's where you get water for cooking, wash your hands, clean fruits and vegetables, and clean the dishes up afterwards."

But another person said,

"The countertop is even more important. It's where the food is prepared. And if the counter weren't there, you wouldn't have a sink at all!"

The first person was shocked. They weren't expecting a counterargument.

πŸ‘︎ 186
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TabCompletion
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
A tattoo artist has a guy come in and get a new mark on an expanding list of hash marks. After a few sessions the tattoo artist asks β€œWhat are you counting?”

And the guy says β€œhow many tattoos I have now”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deepsea333
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
If you are ever working on being more decisive and find yourself wanting to get a tuba, a trombone, and a round-bottomed dish - but you can only afford two of them and the dish will fit under your shirt - just remember:

Take the bowl, buy the horns .

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pj566
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Quarantine Tip #19: Yesterday I ran out of soap and body wash and all I could find was dish detergent.

Then it Dawned on me.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
For Internet points, I will re-post any and all pictures of Indian dishes

I'm a korma whore.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thereisonlyoneme
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Some students needed help calculating the number of food and drinks they'd need for a party. Their teacher responds...

"What's the equation? (occasion)"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Made this one up in collaboration with my daughter and we’re kinda proud: Which knight is the protector of foods?

Sir Anwrap

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/man_without_wax
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I threw a party when I got a job in genetics and of course, served a chewy fruit dish with a charcoal flavor...

The guests seemed to like my carbon dates.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a reptile who enjoys snapping picture of food and sunsets?

An insta-gator

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/respect-thebeard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Here's a list of foods that sound like euphemisms

Bloody Mary, Bulgogi

Fish Tacos

Corned beef, Crab Salad, Clams, Creamcicle

Fruit Roll-Ups

Jerked Beef

Kumquat

NutterButter

Red Hots

Pigs in Blanket, Pot Stickers, Pulled Pork

Spotted dick, Stuffed Peppers

Tuna Melt, Twizzlers

Virgin Margarita

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhinobird
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Pros and Cons of making food

Pros: Food

Cons: Making

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CameronC7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
At the restaurant, my family was nearly finished eating and I still had half a plate of food left. The waitress asked, "Do you wanna box for that?"

I replied, "No thanks, I'd rather wrestle for it!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
A real life dad joke.

My wife was dishing out food. She put some salad on a plate and handed it to my daughter.

Then my wife looked at me and said, "Cesar Salad?"

I immediately grabbed my daughter's plate and pulled it out of her hands. My daughter got confused (maybe wondering if she did something wrong?). My wife asks me, "What the hell are you doing???"

I responded, "Sorry. Could have sworn you just said seize her salad."

πŸ‘︎ 415
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zamundan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
So there was this zookeeper...

(This probably makes more sense if you're British.)

Doing his rounds one day and when he got to the bird enclosure he noticed a load of the birds had died. Unsure as to what he should do with the bodies he tossed them into the big cat exhibit.

The next day he was cleaning out the primates and noticed the lifeless figure of an ape laying on the floor... not wanting to perform a proper burial and besides- he wasn't earning much more than minimum wage anyway so he tossed it into the big cat enclosure.

On his third day the zookeeper came across his colleague who kept bees, it seems they'd got sick and a lot of the hive had perished. Not to worry, the zookeeper scooped them onto a shovel and tossed them into the big cat exhibit. It's the circle of life he thought to himself.

The next day there was a lot of excitement in the zoo. A new lioness had arrived. The lioness stalked out of the trailer...sniffed at the unfamiliar lion next to her...

"So, what's the food like in this place then?" She asked awkwardly.

"It's actually not that bad" replied the lion. "Over the past few days we've had Finch, chimps and mushy bees"

Badum tssss! Β―_(ツ)_/Β―

Yeah, for any non brits that read all that: Fish, chips and mushy peas is a classic English dish. So...yeah...that's the joke.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FananaBartman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I was at the museum and saw a painting of a bowl, with milk and some kind of food inside.

It was surreal.

πŸ‘︎ 156
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NameTheTrait
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Today I was wearing a shirt with the family crest of my favorite painter Frida Kahlo. After a few hours I started to get hungry and ordered takeout. When my delivery person arrived he handed over my food without taking any money for bringing it to me. I asked him β€œHow come there’s no charge?”

He replied: I was going to charge you, but I noticed you had Frida Livery”

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I just read a list of "100 Things To Do Before You Die" and I was quite surprised that...

"Yell for help!" wasn't one of them.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2018
🚨︎ report
[Pun request] Need a List of Cat Puns For US Cities and States

So far for States I have: Catifornia North and South Catolina Oklahomeow Oregato Furorida Mew York, Jersey, Hampshire, Mexico Connectikitty ​

For cities I have: Mew York Kitty Felinedelphia San Digato Mewmphis Chigato San Furanciso Indianapawlis Clawmbus​

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/namtag24
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to a dinner party yesterday. The hosts are chefs and made all kinds of food, buffet style. I arrived early had some hors d'oeuvres. Then I realized I was thirsty, and I wanted to try the mixed juice drink. At this point everyone else was getting food, so I walked right up and got a cup...
πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bb5x24
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Nurse: Okay doc, here's the list of heart and kidney donors in alphabetical order

Doc: Wow, it's very organized ;)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/that-rad-kid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother and I are trying to come up with an extensive list of vegetable related puns

Lettuce know if you have any

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/captainkrinking
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend has been learning magic as a quarantine hobby. I present to you: my oc list of magician jokes and puns I invented to annoy him.

Did you hear about the magician who grabbed Eminem so hard his SnapBack fell off?

He pulled a rabbit out of his hat

What do you call a magician who is an administrator at a college, but nobody knows what students he is in charge of?

Whose dean’s he?

A magician went out to the store and bought a big metal structure so he could hang upside down and do situps. He also loved painting, but because of his style he often knocked the canvas around while dabbing on the paint. So he bought another, wooden structure, like an easel, but with clamps to hold the painting in place while he prodded it with the paintbrush. His wife asked, as he brought them in, what the hell he had just bought. He replied:

β€œAb rack and dab rack”

What do you call a magician with very skinny fingers?

Slight of hand

The magician’s wife brought him to the store to buy gifts for a birthday party. She picked out a lovely candle, but wanted to include a nice note. The magician knew just what to do. He brought her down an aisle, found a section marked β€œbirthday,” and said:

β€œPick a card, any card”

The Russian magician, in 1932, found an amazing new piece for his act: a giant, wooden sarcophagus in the shape of a beautiful woman. The piece had giant, metal blades inside at waist level. They were locked in place while it was open, but retracted as it closed, making it seem as though the magician had escaped death. But one day, while he was practicing, the great sarcophagus fell over - door still open - right on the magician. When he was found, he was cut right in two. Moral of the story:

In Soviet Russia, box woman saws you.

Okay that’s it. I’m so sorry, I have nothing better to do.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nsk09003
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I once put a list of symbols on a map and everyone still talks about it.

It's a legend.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is on a tropical food diet and now the house is full of this stuff.

That's enough to make a mango crazy.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joe_dsr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What do this joke and taking a sip of food coloring have in common?

They'll both make you dye a little on the inside.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ahwitz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2016
🚨︎ report
A List of Puns (and other excuses for good humor)

Me: You got the goods?

Dealer: I have an alloy of iron and carbon for only $1.

Me: My, what a steel!

Guy: Hey, wanna hear my joke?

Boxer: I dunno, man. People always say I ruin their punchline.

Teacher: What are the four components of DNA?

Student: Actually, there are five: Adenine, cytosine, guanine, thymine--

Teacher: Oh? And the fifth one?

Student: I got I got I got I got...

Me (metric): Why does America use the imperial system? It's stupid.

Friend (imperial): Actually, other places use the imperial system.

Me: Which other places?

Friend: The Galactic Empire.

Guy: I hate spam.

Me: I like sushi.

Me: I like sushi.

Me: I like sushi.

...

Someone: Son of a gun...

Someone Else: Now you've just pistoled me off!

Okay, I know these are not the greatest puns ever, but this is my first post in this subreddit. Anyway, now here are the explanations:

Joke 1 - An alloy of carbon and iron is popularly referred to as steel, and stainless steel costs $2.41, in which the item receives a 58.51% reduction in cost, which is a mighty bargain, also known as a steal.

Joke 2 - Boxing is a sport in which your only goal is to knock your opponent out through a series of punches. The ending or twist of a joke is commonly referred to as the punchline of said joke.

Joke 3 - Check out Kendrick Lamar's DNA song.

Joke 4 - Troops and personnel of the Galactic Empire from Star Wars are commonly referred to as the Imperials.

Joke 5 - Spam musubi, or just spam, is a type of sushi. On the internet, spam is referred to as the repetition of a specific message, especially when emailing, to annoy or advertise a product/website to someone.

Joke 6 - The phrase, "Son of a gun", is a friendlier alternative to the phrase, "Son of a bitch!" Also, when you annoy someone, that means that you pissed them off, which sounds a bit like "pistoled".

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/U2BURR
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Me and my date got tired of eating in dark restaurants, the food isn't even that great

Today we ate the dinner with delight.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wuchta
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Making a list of places I want to see during my tour of Bohemia and Moravia

It's my Czech-list

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/harrytheb
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
🚨︎ report
The undead not having to factor food and shelter into their cost of living is a clear example of wight privilege.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
The waiter brought our food to the table. He placed my delicious-looking fajita plate in front of me and said, "Careful, this is gonna be hot"

So I asked him, "When?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CactusPearl21
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Help me out: need some rockstar/music themed food puns for my 3 year old’s birthday party!

Having a small party for my guitar and music obsessed soon-to-be 3 year old. Wanted to put some signs next to the food to make it more on-theme. We’ll be serving:

Chicken nuggets PB&Js (in the shape of guitars) Veggie tray Fruit tray Water & juice

I’m struggling to think of stuff. So far I only have Nirvana Nuggets (which I realize isn’t even a pun) and PB&J Richie Samboraches. Lame, I know πŸ˜‚ Help me out if you can think of any more!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
This is one my 7 year old son said to me... I had a closed fist up to my face with my little finger extended and picking food out of my teeth. My thumb was also extended out. He looked at me and with a smirk on his face said to me...

Who's on the phone dad?

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pearly351
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A writer on The Good Place submitted the following list of restaurant name puns with the script for her episode. It includes gems like "Squab Goals" and "Pie Another Day." twitter.com/meganamram/st…
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2018
🚨︎ report
πŸš€ β€πŸŒ•Cybertruck Prototype πŸŒ• β€πŸš€

β€πŸš€πŸŒ• ‍ELON TWEET HYPE, BUT WITH LEGIT LONG TERM DEVS . πŸŒ• β€πŸš€
Strap in and get ready to launch.

This was created by a professional dev team of HOGL And BUFFTOWN (Developers of HOGL and Shield) They are dedicating their spare time to launch this as a meme project that will explode. Get in. We’re going to run this long term for listings on both CMC and Gecko.
Cybertruck Prototype has an ambitious core team of experienced Crypto veterans, all working day and night ( I mean this, we actually forced one to stay up well past his bed time while in the voice channel. ) to make sure we get to the moon fast, and safe.

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ 4.6MM 24Hour Volume⭐️⭐️ ⭐️
⭐️ Market Cap as of typing this 2.3MM⭐️

INCOMING CATALYSTS:

CMC LISTING: Coming soon.

COINGECKO LISTING: Coming Soon

SNL TONIGHT and the CyberTruckPrototype itself being the star of the show in NYC.

This is NOT a P&D. Liquidity is LOCKED, and ownership RENOUNCED.

CONTRACT RENOUNCED:
bscscan /address/0xf340e33aef552c836b4538ba09bbfccd5f42fa17#readContract

⭐️ Contract:

bscscan /token/0xf340E33aef552C836b4538BA09bBfCcd5f42fa17

⭐️ CHART:

poocoin /tokens/0xf340e33aef552c836b4538ba09bbfccd5f42fa17

⭐️ Website
Cybertruck . financial

⭐️ Telegram

t me /CyberTruckPrototypeOfficial

⭐️ Twitter

twitter /officialcybert

⭐️ Reddit
r /CyberTruckPrototype

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lynseahoss
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Kids these days will never know what it's like to be an Instant Pot

Between all the different types of foods and recipes, you're always going to be under a lot of pressure

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Chinese food take away: $10. Cab fare to get it: $6. Getting back home and realising they forgot one of your containers....

Riceless.

πŸ‘︎ 211
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πŸ‘€︎ u/v_cleaner
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2015
🚨︎ report
Was out in the backyard grilling some burgers for my daughter and her friends but they'd lined up a bunch of dolls to get food too

It was a barbie queue

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chadnav
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to a restaurant with two friends the other day one of them ordered a rare steak and the other asked for a medium rare steak. When we got our food they had each other's steaks,

I then instinctively yelled "I guess this was just a big 'mistake'"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GriffinGelz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
A Marine Biology student was compiling a list of all the sea creatures they could find on Wikipedia. The next day they handed it in to their Professor, who took one look at it and said..

Lacks Cetacean..

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Irorii
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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