A big light switch is a major turn-on
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bismuth482
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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What is the dish that likes using the light switch?

StrogONOFF

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saazkwat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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Switch Light
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yppah118
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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My wife dared doubt my craftsmanship when I was changing over the light switch.

Haha, she's in for a shock

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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Have you ever seen a light switch before?

It's not pretty, they get very angry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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Don’t get mad at the hallway light switch that keeps shocking you

It’s just reminding you of your potential.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kpidhayny
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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I got into bar fight and shoved a guy into a light switch on the wall.

He looked at me and said, β€œOH, ITS ON NOW!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mfitzy87
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
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*nurse flips on a light switch*

β€œThe Doctor will see you now.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeremysayshi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
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I recently got back together with a light switch

we’ve been on and off for years

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rhys_p09
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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Why did the architect turn around, switch the light off, and go to bed?

His erection failed on him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pd_conradie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
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Carbon fibre light switch ipfs.pics/QmR1yF39Bp5oJDb…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dachewie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2015
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I had a girlfriend years ago that had a passion for light switches

It was an on/off relationship

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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My 17yo niece fell victim to my 32yo dad/uncle humor.

So my mom, my oldest sister, and her daughter where at mine and my wife’s house for the weekend.

After having all the lights out so my wife and niece could play with a Ouija board, my niece wanted to make a cup of hot cocoa in the kitchen but she could find the light switch. The following exchange occurred...

Niece: Where is the light in the kitchen? Me: On the ceiling. Niece: Ok, but how do you turn it on? Me: With a light switch. Niece: Where is the light switch? Me: On the wall. Niece: Which wall? Me: The one with the switch.

She’s a good sport tho. We where laughing, she was grinning but definitely done with my uncle shit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HunterShotBear
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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My roommate just Dadjoked me.

"Hey, there's a new feature in the house. You can use your phone to turn off the lights."

He then proceeded to press his phone against the lightswitch and walk upstairs giggling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/N0vAix
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2015
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My dad's so cheap

That when he dies he'll walk toward the light and switch it off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/agrandthing
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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I don't get all the excitement surrounding Nintendo's new product announcement...

My house is full of light switches!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/quakesand
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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"OH, IT'S ON NOW!!!"

What I say every time I flick a light switch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UriahPeabody
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
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I caught my stepfather in the act last week.

My stepfather and mother have been doing some remodeling in their first house to get it ready to put on the market, so they are fixing up some things, and I was giving them a hand. As we were working we had the radio playing.

My mother notices a light switch on the wall in the bedroom that isn't working quite right. She says, "Honey I think there's something wrong with the light switch."

To which my stepfather replies, "What's wrong with it?"

My mother says, "It's making a weird noise. I think it's humming. Why is the light switch humming?"

My stepfather says, "That's probably because it doesn't know the words."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sennius
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
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Flip the Light Off

As I was going to bed, my dad told me to flip the light off. I go over and flick the switch and turn the light off. Then my father yells at me and tells me to turn it on and flip it off and shows me what he meant.

Thanks Dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Filthy_Weeaboo_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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Early Christmas present from my son

So we're putting up the Christmas tree, one of the pre-lit ones. For several years the tree and I have battled over getting all of the lights to work. As I hit the switch and groan in dismay as several strands don't come on, my son pops up with "Gee dad, looks like that tree has you stumped".

It's been several days and he's still laughing at his own joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dmmagill
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2013
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She lights up the room, every time she walks in...

...then again, she’s the only one who knows where the light switch is.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pixel_juice
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2018
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There once was a man.....

There once was a man who had a job driving a passenger train between two large towns. It could be a very dull job to some, but as the old saying goes, one man's trash is another's gold; he wanted to be a railroad man since he was a boy.

He was a wiz behind the controls of the train, and commanded the 15 car vehicle effortlessly as if he had been born to do the job. He prided himself on the fact that he could bend the rules and speed through curves and grades that made other motormen shiver and back off.

One day however, he wasn't so lucky and came round a bend too fast and derailed his train. He backed off the throttle and braked as much as he could, managing to only have one fatality out of 500 passengers on his train.

Months later there was a trial and he was found guilty of manslaughter in the highest degree, a capital offence in that land, and sentenced to die by electric chair. Punishment came swift, unlike most places, and 3 days after sentencing the former railroader was asked for his last meal.

"I'll have a banana," "Just a single banana?" said the perplexed guard. "The warden will grant you a feast and all you want is that?"

"Just a single banana." he said.

After he downed the fruit, he was strapped into the electric chair an hour later.... The warden hit the switch, lights flickered, and the crackle of electricity could be heard for over a minute...

...but our train jockey instead rose from the chair looking more like he got a stiff massage, rather than be put to death! Well in that nation, the law of the land states that if a man somehow survives being put to death, they must be set free...

...And so it came to pass that our engineer was let go...

And for whatever reason, he got his job back!

So he was back railroading again doing the job that he loved. You'd think he'd have been more cautious with this second chance he'd been given, but you'd also be wrong. Speedy Gonzales with a train license decided to gun his locomotive to hard and send it off the tracks again!

Of course, this time he was tried for the same crime, but at a different time (his was a fair commonwealth and double indemnity was simply unheard of!) So fair was their nation, that the jury came up with the same judgement and punishment. So three days later, when asked for his last meal, the engineer simply said "I'll have 2 bananas..."

Not less than 60 minutes after consuming the last morsel was he strapped into the chair and the switch thrown... And....

NOTHING.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/onmugen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
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Some stories I'd like to share.

I had been driving for a few years and had just moved off to college.

I was on my way back home to visit and it got dark during my drive. My headlights and radio worked but my dash lights were not coming on. When I got home I asked my dad about it and he said he'd go take a look. He went outside then comes back in the house just a few minutes later.

Me: "Did you find out what the problem is?"

Dad: "I think so."

Me: "Well, what was it?"

Dad: "I'll have to show you tomorrow, if I'm right then we're going to have fun working on your truck all morning."

We wait until morning, and dad wakes me up to go work on my truck. We go outside and he has me walk him through the entire problem again. Which lights were working and which were not, has me start the truck a few times and has me do the same troubleshooting I did the night before. I was getting frustrated and told him I tried absolutely everything.

Then he says "I think there's one thing you forgot." He points at a knob by the steering wheel. I looked at where he was pointing and it hit me. It's the damned the dash-light dimmer switch, and it was set to it's lowest (dimmest) position. When I looked back up at him he just had the biggest grin on his face. He then went into a full explanation on how this knob worked, knowing full well that I already knew what that knob did. Which, by the way, I'm sitting on the driver's seat and he's standing at the driver's side door. So I had no way to walk away from this embarrassing moment. All I could do was look down at the steering wheel and listen to him enjoying his joke.

Bonus story #1:

I'm in my 30s and one of my friends is a 74 year old guy that I play pool with. He always asks me what I've been up to, and one time I told him I met a girl.

He got excited and said "Do you have any pictures of her?" So I showed him a few pictures of us together.

Old man: "She's beautiful! She sounds like a keeper."

Then he leans in with a grin and says "Do you have any naked pictures of her?"

Me: "No way!"

Old man: "Do you want to see some?"

Bonus story #2:

That same old man was at our friend's wedding. He's sitting at the table with his wife and a bunch of other people. The conversation is about how they have been married for 50+ years. He says "I don't know how she's put up with me for this many years. But I've always told her that she can leave whenever she wants to, cause I'm comin' with her."

His wife explained that she has heard all of his jokes so

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JIGGLY_BALL
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2017
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Seeking "Dads' Night Out"-themed party help

For the past three years I've held scavenger hunts to celebrate my birthday. This year I've decided on the theme, "Dads' Night Out." Examples of items on last year's (non-dad-themed) list: "Play red light/green light with at least three strangers," "Switch pants with a stranger," and "Haiku written by a bartender." All items require physical, photographic or video evidence. What are your ideas for dad-themed items or jokes I can fit in here and there? Any other ideas on how I can make this year the best year yet would be appreciated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fwish11
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2014
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Got my wife this afternoon with this one

My wife walked into our bedroom with our 7 month old to change her diaper. I was behind her headed for the bathroom when she said "hey turn the lights on." I immediatly started rubbing the two little screws that hold the light switch cover on like nipples. The pillow that was thrown at my head let me know I had a successfully completed the dad joke mission of the day!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thugaim2135
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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This is gas

So at work a female co-worker says ''you know what I never understood? Why does a 1.5 liter bottle of coke weigh more than a 1.5 liter bottle of water? I'd love to be able to carry a big bottle of coke around like a carry around water but it's too heavy and awkward.'' I said ''You should switch to coke light''. I think that might be the last thing she'l ever say to me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SeamusMarley
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2014
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My aunt once asked my uncle to turn on the light

His response:

"Hey baby, how's it going? You look sexy tonight. Positively stunning! Oh yeah baby…"

From then on she asked him to flip the light switch on or off…

Now she just doesn't ask him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jbh007
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2013
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A favor for my professor

In class today, my professor asked for someone to "flip off the lights" so we could start the movies. I was on the other side of the room from the light-switch but I did what I could...

I flashed a particular hand gesture toward the lights.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/italian6th
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2014
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My first dadjoke! And it's a kicker

I go to school in Berkeley, CA, which--to put it lightly--isn't in the running for "Clean City, USA". The other day, I was swapping out my nice expensive shoes for my old tattered street sneakers when my friend asked why I was switching. My dad senses kicked in:

"Could you imagine me walking through the streets of Berkeley in my nice clean dress shoes? The poor soles!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ziggaman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2014
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My Dad's Deon.

Today, my dad told me about his friend Deon, and the many nicknames he had when he was job-switching.

Dad: He works on boats now, so we call him Freeon Deon (I didn't actually get this one.)

But before that, when he worked in the lights section of Home Depot, he was Neon Deon.

And when he was a plumber, we called him Peon Deon.

But after a while, he told me, with such a sombre and serious face, that that entire time, Deon's wife worked at one hard, thankless job to keep his spirits up.

Me: What was that Dad?

Dad: Her job... was to Be On Deon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Griffinson
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2014
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I only like light switches off and on.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2017
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What sticks up when you turn it on?

A light switch

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cjphillips612
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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