that I haven't heard of a single dispensary referring to itself as a "cannabusiness"
... fully lawful to feel awful after getting full off all that falafel.
Labor day I was born a pun and I love it. I'm legally pun
Where thereβs a will, thereβs a whey.
Oh, and by the way, those flashing lights on top of your car look really stupid.
He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:
-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!
Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.
-Ok, so... your current name is.. Β·chucklesΒ· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...
-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.
After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.
-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?
-Charles Fart.
It was too hard to hide it from the cops.
Iβm going to name my son Phil and from that point on everything I do will be for my son. Thatβs my Phil Osophy.
A lawsuit.
...so I hide my cane every time the cops are around.
Thereβs no way heβll succeed without his legal briefs.
Acetone.
For legal reasons, this is a joke.
They call it, Coles law
And I am not going to quit until I am Finish!
Where there's a will, there's a whey.
Me: possession IS 9/10 of the law
Child: Iβm hungry and I want a toy and Iβm not going to nap today and-
Demon: π¦π° π¦π± ππ©π΄ππΆπ° π©π¦π¨π’ π±π₯π¦π°?
Me: itβs legally your problem now
You could call it a squid pro quo.
Bears.. they have a right to bear arms
A gnomicide.
It would be called Operation Pot Holes
The sue-saphone
Cause she was on mini-mum wage
She was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250,000 miles. One day, she told her problem to a friend she worked with at a salon. Her friend told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied Judi, "as long as I can sell the car."
"Okay," said Judi's friend. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."
The following weekend, Judi made the trip to the mechanic. Two weeks later the friend asked Judi, "Did you sell your car?"
"No," replied Judi, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"
When they go low, we get high.
She told me βDad, If you want a cat, you should expect a fee line.β Iβm so proud!
Contract lenses.
I guess that's something to shake a stick at.
So I said, βA pastrami on rye, please.β
"Weed" be very happy. π
Had to lay it down, I can't stand these marry/sue charakters.
"A4" effort
Weβll call it Operation Pot Hole
Do you think this is grounds for legal action?
Claustrophobia.
Fear of German men? Klaustrophobia.
Fear of bears? Clawstrophobia.
Fear of legal agreements? Clausetrophobia.
Canada should be high in your list of priorities.
I'm over 9000 documents in and this isn't even my final form!
"...but itβs worth a shot."
Because they always make such strong appeals.
(Came up with this this morning while cutting my 6mo's frozen banana up and watching the news about the impeachment trials. I'm pretty proud of it, though I may be mixing up my legal terms)
Apparently the cows weren't getting a square meal
It's Cole's Law.
A lot more people will be saying they have friends in high places.
He was operating a late night train and fell asleep at the controls. He ended up failing to recognise a stop sign and as a result his train hit a person and killed them immediately. He was tried for manslaughter and sentenced to the electric chair. Just before being put in the chair, he was given the choice of final meal and chose a single banana, oddly. His time came and he was placed into the chair, the room vacated and then the switch was thrown.
But... Nothing. No sparks, no burning, nothing. They checked the machine and it was working fine, it just seemed not to harm him. The state law meant that, legally, his sentence had been carried out and he was free to go. He walked away a free man, and actually got another job as a train driver.
Sadly, almost exactly the same thing happened again. This time his negligence killed two kids playing around on the tracks when again he'd fallen asleep and failed to stop the train in time. Hauled before the courts again, he got exactly the same sentence - the electric chair. He was asked again for his final meal, chose two bananas this time, and his sentence was carried out again.
And yet again, he didn't die. In fact, he was entirely unharmed. The state law remained the same, so he was let out again, where - somehow - he got another job with another train company. I guess it was the only job he was trained for (pardon the pun). Anyway, this time he did much better and worked hard to stay awake during his late shifts. But sure enough, eventually he slipped back in to old habits and this time killed five people - a family trying to free their dog stuck in the tracks.
Once again he faced a jury, once again they found him guilty and a judge sentenced him to the electric chair. This time he asked for 5 bananas, but the guard was wiley - he has read about this man and how he always had bananas before his sentence was carried out, and so this time (with a grin, it's said) he brought the train driver 5 apples instead. The guilty man plead and begged for bananas, but the guard claimed it was an honest mistake but too late to change now.
The man was lead for a third time to the electric chair. His head was wetted, his arms strapped in, and the guard eyed him with something between wonder and fear. Finally the room was vacated and the switch thrown. Surely this time the machine would do its job? With the process finished, the guard ran back into the room, only to find the man still alive and looking entirely healthy. "I do
... keep reading on reddit β‘Bill and his friend Dave both needed to get some legal documents notarized, so they went to the notary together. Bill asked the notary if he could go first because Dave had quite a few items and Bill had one. The notary said, βSorry. You sign affidavit.β
Legal Tender
A. Goodman is hard to find.
The law says it's fair game.
Crimea Fucking River
...am I legally in Seine?
Legal action
Can I legally wear my 2020 glasses while driving cuz technically ...
Iβd have to legally change my name.
Because you know I wonβt smoke up all the profits.
Recreational marijuana was just legalized here in the state of Michigan, so my dad just had to make a joke. π
A friend of mine is an environmental lawyer. She has sue-for-natural powers.
I'm asking for a friend of mine. Medusanal purposes only.
He's not charging for his services. It's pro bono.
"Hey, what's the only company that has had a legal monopoly for years?"
"...That's imp-"
"Hasbro."
but had to leave early because he kept staring at all the girls' asses. Hindsight's always 20/20, i guess.
My dad at a recent family gathering:
"Did you know you can legally marry sixteen women?
Four better, four worse, four richer, and four poorer".
I work part time as a court clerk.
So I'm sitting in with the judge and another employee about a citation for a person who had a dog off leash and out of a fenced area cited for "running at large" so I asked "so if it's a small dog are they cited for 'running at small'?"
They are their legal custodians.
"Reese Witherspoon?!?
"No. With her knife."
So technically we can correctly say Dave's not here, man.
... because a man that lies with another man should be stoned.
You could say she's barrel-y legal
"What's it like Mark?" "Eye Opening" http://youtu.be/3BtKgD6CeA8?t=48s
Speaker: βI'm glad you could all make itβ
Whole crowd: in unison βHi glad you could all make it, We're dadβ
Speaker: Puts up a pic of ID on big screen showing legal name is "glad you could all make it"
entire conference loses their shit
I said "He was the light-up side."
I will see myself out.
Uncle: "You know the Bavarian Purity Laws that regulate the ingredients in German beer? In Vienna they have similar laws regulating pastry." Me: "Oh really? Cake laws?" Uncle: "Actually, they call them Torte Laws."
Bond.
Legal Bond.
He will be rolling in his grave.
Legal briefs
He will be rolling in his grave.
Their lawsuit.
