I just want them to have stable lives.
I think you should get off your high horse.
Thats minus 4 points for his show jumping score
Funniest horse puns and jokes
A white horse walks into a pub and asks for a whisky. The landlord says: “Hey, we’ve got a whisky named after you.” The horse replies: “What, George?”
A horse trudges slowly into a pub and orders a drink. “Evenin’” says the barman, “why the long face?”
A horse walks into a smart cocktail bar. The doorman says: “Wait you can’t come in here without a tie.”The horse goes out to his car, looks in the boot and gets a set of jump leads, which he ties around his neck.He goes back in and says to the barman: “This alright?” The barman says: “Hmm, ok… but don’t be starting anything.”
A poorly-looking horse limps into a bar with a bandage round his head. He orders a glass of champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness. He downs the lot and says to the barman: “I shouldn’t really be drinking this with what I’ve got?” “Why, what have you got?” “About £2 and a carrot.”
Which side of a horse has more hair? The outside What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Neighbours
A racehorse owner takes his horse to the vet. “Will I be able to race this horse again?,” he asks The vet replies: “Of course you will, and you’ll probably win!”
Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa!
A dead horse walks into a bar and orders a whisky.
“I’m sorry, sir,” says the barman. “We don’t serve spirits..
A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. “Excuse me, good sir,” the horse says, “are you hiring?” The manager looks the horse up and down and says, “Sorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?” The horse nickers. “Why would the circus need a bartender?”
Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? The doctor described his condition as stable.
What did the horse say when it fell? “I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”
Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.
A man rode his horse to town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How is this possible? The horse’s name was Friday.
Why did the pony have to gargle? Because it was a little horse!
What did the horse say when it fell? I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? Why the long face?
What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bo
... keep reading on reddit ➡(the joke makes more sense in dutch)
My dad talking to my nephew about his pet horse he used to have.
"My horse was an oddball, wherever we'd go he'd look for water to splash around in. one time we went to the beach and he'd jump into the water and swim around."
Two weeks later we're hanging out and my aunt tells dad she heard the story about his horse, and asked what kind of horse it was.
"a seahorse"
(in dutch he talked about a dog, and a seal in dutch is "zeehond" (seadog))
For reference: Link to wiki
Some of these are done in a kind of "news headline"-style:
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Choir leader fired after using too much sexual innuendo; "Lewd Ex Cantor."
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Video on demand about a street where nothing happens; "Vod of the Boring Alley."
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Man's brutal cousin turns out to be a great bloke; "Raw-Ted, Great Dude".
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Panic spreads as toilet facilities take over the world; "Cry! Stall-Age."
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A man orders a book of basic letters to look after his daughters belongings while he looks after the others; "ABC, Watch Her's!".
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Sams brother cheats a dude; "Dean Cons the Peep."
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A ride in the amusement park offers a wide range of emotions; "High! Low! Woo! Nah."
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A weird and hard to describe new dessert; "Cold Lemon Thing."
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A new star in stand up rises! Come see "Puntiff Sulyvahn."
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Pirates start eating fava beans and a new drink is required; "Yo! Ho! The Chianti!."
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A Long lived man has an unusual apetite for fish; "Old-Rick, Devourer of Cods".
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In Bacteria-Town, a devastating disease strikes one inhabitant working at a hotel; "Cancer of the Borrelia Valet".
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Roman god Cubid is ordered to take a woman to cave and kill her; "Drag and Slay Her Amor"
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Osiris's statue has been in way too many marriages and people have started to call it; "Osiris the Consummated Thing."
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The choir leader from before is transformed into a mushroom; "Champignon Cantor"
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An english man becomes the leader of a Polish airplane company and gets nicknamed; "LOT-Rick"
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An impatient tree person attacks a random mythical hunter; "Antsy Ent! Why Hern?!"
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Horse named Elvis keeps making noise and a man shouts;"Neigh Less King!"
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A child opens a chocolate egg and a white spirit jumps out; "Soul of Kinder"
Sorry about the possible typos.
)