John 3 Puns

In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.

Oops, wrong sub

John Wick 4 - Hyperbellum

John saw a tornado out the window of Frank’s house and said to Frank

“Jesus man! that’s an F5! We gotta get to cover Frank!”

Tornado rapidly approaches within 100 yards

John was looking for the cellar door and found 2 different ones

“For Fuck’s sake Frank which is the best cellar!?”

With the tornado bearing down on them, Frank sprang into action and grabbed the latest James Patterson novel.

John Sour-Doe

more like john see? nah

• you suddenly know all the words to every Eagles song.

• you get up early on a Saturday morning to make sure you’ll be tired enough for a couch nap that afternoon.

• you change your car’s oil exactly every 2,000 miles.

• mowing the lawn is no longer a chore, but a privilege.

• you can actually tell old John Wayne movies apart.

• your idea of fun is aimlessly wandering around the home improvement section of any store.

Names such as:

Baa-bara

Wool Smith

EWE-NICE

Brittney Shears

John Sebastian Baach

How’s the fission, John?

"Because he's JOHN SEE NAH (No see)"

• my boomer dad who I thought he's asking a genuine question

With that, John got in line and when it was his turn the Pastor asked, " John, what do you want me to pray for you?"

John replied, "Pastor, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The Pastor put one finger of one hand on John's ear, placed his other hand on top of John's head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the Pastor removed his hands, stood back and asked: "John, how is your hearing now?"

John answered, "I don't know. My hearing is actually next Thursday in the "Magistrate Court."

"What is the second letter of the alphabet?" The teacher asked Ringo. But Ringo wasn't sure.

But because Ringo had found himself in a time of trouble, John came to him and whispered words of wisdom

"Letter B"

The Pillsbury Doughboy, remembered best as "Pop N Serve", and/or "Pop N Fresh", died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy will be buried in this lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities will turn out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The grave site is expected to be piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima will deliver the eulogy and lovingly describe Doughboy as "a man who never knew how much he was kneaded".

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop tart.

The funeral will be held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

John Dough

John Wilkes Tooth

A: Did you hear about that train trip that John Lennon took?

B: No, what was the trip for?

A: To see his wife. It was a Yoko motive.

(original)

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Doors opened by itself, Shower turned on by itself and many other unexplained activities.

i come to the conclusion that it was John Cena

John Wick

Me: Sure, tell me one son. My Son: Did you know that Lincoln had a guard with him at the theater where he was shot, but that the guard left to go across the street to have a drink and that's why Lincoln wasn't guarded when he was shot? Me: No, son, I had no idea. My Son: But that's not all. It was the same bar that John Wilkes Booth was waiting in before going to kill the president. Me: So did they see each other? My Son: I'm not sure dad. I'm thinking Booth might have been waiting to see if he would come in before he went over to shoot Lincoln. Me: I wonder if the guard came in, and Booth ask him if he could buy him a shot?!?!? My Son: audibly smacks head

Hippies miss John Lennon

What did Olivia Newton John say to Santa Claus when she visited the North Pole?

"Let's get physicold."

Two friends walk into a bookstore After bying 23 pens 2 balloons and a pipeline One of them goes to the till Suddenly he remembers

• John do you want a pencil?
• Yes
• 2B or not 2B?

I couldn't help but cry... She is 14 and still doesn't know my name is John.

I'm a fan of John Wicks

That got the John Deere letter?

John Cleese and Graham Chapman were terrified for their lives, but it turned out the guy was just making Idle threats

And here I thought John Cena looks more like a snacc.

Call it John Wick.

John left large shoes to Phil.

Food truck with eggs being the theme in every dish.

"The Poach Coach"

Popular dishes:

1. Eggs Been a Dick (2 poached eggs and 1 average but adequate size sausage)
2. Omelette that one slide (you're choice of filling, but don't fucking test me)
3. The Dwight Yolk Em' (served in a plastic cowboy hat to go. Must eat while walking the streets of Bakersfield) 4.The Mr. Burns Eggcellent Scramble (smithered with cheese)
4. The Quiche a Grey (oralgasmic quiche with a money shot of sausage gravy)
5. The John Denver Omelette (full of all kinds of shit)
6. Jesus'ed egg (basically a deviled egg only more judgmental and boiled in holy water)

I hope it won’t be a John Dough forever.

Everybody loves John Candy.

that I can finally see John Cena

I was in the kitchen with John Lennon about to do the dishes and I turned to him and said:

"Right John, I've got my washing up basin, sponges, hot water, the dishes themselves of course...is that it am I ready to go? Do I need anything else?"

And John turned to me and said-

>!"All you need is glove!<

>!All you need is glove,!<

>!All you need is glove,glove!<

>!Glove is all you need"!<

Professor Goodenough.

Son: “But dad, your name is John.”

Me: “I know, but I was named AFTER Stephen Hawking.”

I burst into tears. He is 11 Years old and still does not know my name is John.

He replied: "Give me one good reason you'd make a good husband or even a decent father or I'm leaving!"

I said: "Hi leaving I'm John!"

The wedding is next month

A set of quadruplets went in to the local doctor's office for their annual check up. Once they were finished, the doctor asked to speak with them all in his private office.

As the four of them; Jeb, Richard, Lee, and the eldest John Hickleford Jr. entered the room and took seats, the doctor shook his head. "I've got bad news and I've got good news boys" he said.

Jeb, the spokesman of the group, immediately said, "Well, tell us the bad news first, and then spring the good news on us."

"Alright," continued the doctor. "The bad news is that one of you only has six months to live. The good news is that the other three of you will live long, healthy lives."

All four boys sprang from their chairs, making incoherent noises of protest. After settling them down, Jeb turned to the doctor and solemnly asked: "Hick or Lee, Dick or me, Doc?"

And my computer froze on the 35th one.You got to be John F kidding me.

How’s the fission, John?

But John came in fifth and only got a toaster.