"Wire you insulate"
And he replied "Watts it to you? I'm Ohm ain't I?"
This is the first Dad joke I remember hearing, and it came from my older brother.
(We're not grading for quality here, right?)
I wasn't great but I did asbestos I could.
It's very insuleighting.
So I had to ground him. He's doing better currently, and conducting himself properly.
You should avoid them asbestos you can.
Now that's just Insul(t)in'
So just try asbestos you can.
Her name is Dee.
I studied asbestos I could...
Probably should have insulated my grade a little better...
Okay, so this has been my favorite joke for at least a couple years now.
A man drives train in Bulgaria. One day, he falls asleep driving, and runs over someone walking on the tracks. Well, his case goes to court, and he gets the death sentence for murder. So, he's on death row and the executioner approaches him.
"What would you like for your last meal?"
"I would like a banana please."
The executioner thinks it's weird, but shrugs and gives him a banana. The guy eats his banana, waits awhile, and gets strapped into the electric chair. When the flip the switch, nothing happens! In Bulgaria, an act of divine intervention means you get released.
A few months go by, and the train driver has been working for a new company. Well, old habits die hard, and he falls asleep again, killing 2 people this time. The court has no patience for recklessness, so he ends up on death row again. After awhile, the same executioner from last time approaches him.
"You again? Shit. What do you want this time?"
"Two bananas please."
The executioner shrugs and hands him two bananas. A bit weird, but whatever. There's no way he can cheat death twice! But, when they flip the switch, nothing happens again. The train driver walks a second time.
Some time passes, and the executioner is very busy. After another few months, the same dude shows up, apparently having run over 3 people with a train. Exacerbated, the executioner approaches him for the third time.
"Let me guess. Three bananas?"
"Actually yes! How did you know?"
"Top bad! This has gone on long enough. No more bananas! Today you fry."
So, the train driver gets strapped into the chair with no last meal. But, when they flip the switch, nothing happens again.
"I don't get it," says the executioner. "I didn't let you eat any bananas!"
"Its not the bananas. I'm a bad conductor."
Just make sure you don’t touch my art insulation.
(Art installation)
Always going on and on about their webbed feet and soft, insulated.... Oh wait, that's male otters
WIRE you INSULATE?
So I insulated his loft.
He was dead chuffed.
"Bugger me with a stick" he said.
Now the ungrateful bastard is in hospital and refuses to speak to me.
You can't win.
> Having holes drilled into house for insulation
> Standing outside with Dad watching workmen do their thing
"Is our house a church now?" I ask.
> Strange look from Dad and other workmen
"Seems like we have... hol(e)y walls!"
> Cue me standing there, grinning like I'm Jimmy Carr, Dad facepalming.
My dad and I were working on a 150+ year old house recently.
We go to fill the outer walls of one room with insulation, and while cutting out holes in the tops of them we smell something funny. Rats had made a single section of one wall the dedicated toilet. Without missing a beat my dad says "That's some shitty insulation."
He handed me this bowl of ice-cream and it ended up being hardened "Great Stuff" insulation foam covered in chocolate.
Typical Dad prank....
