Can new shock absorbers make a car easier to control?

Of course - it goes without swaying!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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I wonder if the host of Jeopardy! absorbed all the trivia he used as answers... he woulda been mighty intelligent...

It would have made him a smart Alec.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02
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My girlfriend was up until 2am pretending to be absorbent cloth

She's a real night towel

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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What would they call it if humans were able to absorb energy from the sun?

Photoskinthesis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheNoodleEffect
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
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One of my friends just told me how they broke their phone even though it was in a shock absorbing case.

It was quite a break thru. A shocking discovery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AManInATopHat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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My brother was just admitted to hospital after being absorbed into an electrical circuit.

The doctors wont let me see him in his Current condition...

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
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Will you absorb the nutrients?

Or villi ?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmoebaInYoFace
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2017
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What is SpongeBob’s least desirable personality trait?

He’s too self absorbed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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I once knew an arrogant sponge

He was very self absorbed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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What do you call a person of colour?

A 'hue' man.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/amiahcaraveo1998
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2017
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One of my boy scouts asked me, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?"

I said, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all."

So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.

I continued, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2017
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Why do motorized vehicles always get over traumatic events faster than everything else?

They have shock absorbers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Argon1124
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2017
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A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.

It's just something they tend to get hung up on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teuast
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2017
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The Blitz of Puns

It really grinds my gears when people say stick-shift is obsolete.

Most people like their music bass-boosted, but it seems like too much treble.

When an astronaut drinks tea, he takes a big space-sip.

The best electricity puns are live wires. Coppers really don’t know how to resist these in a coil. If you make enough of this type of pun you can really blow their fuses. You need to be smart about how you conduct these so you don’t overload your capacitors.

The only kind of rap I like is the wrapping paper on gifts.

Scissors always cut to the point.

Airplane puns always fly overhead. You have to be careful so you don’t stall out. Always use better judgement so you nose how to dive. When used correctly, this pun classification can really propel to infinity and beyond. However, if misused, the fall from grace is full of turbulence.

When working with electricity puns always make sure to be grounded to prevent shocking results.

Mr. Tea says, ”Don’t be a fool, stay in school!”

i c e i c e w a t e r

Architecture is an aspiring career path.

β€˜Pun’ puns don’t add up. The are starting to get negative receptions.

I’ll do algebra. I’ll even do calculus. But graphing is where I draw the line.

Plants should always rooted in the ground.

Never argue with people when they are right or nobody will be left hanging out with you.

Rocks make boulder moves. This means they are pelite and not jagged. Don’t take these puns for granite.

Cheese puns are grate because you don’t have to ask for parmesan to use them.

Eskimos have cold personality. It is an ice society, but some of their history chills my spine.

My dog died a few years ago. It was really ruff.

I am not a fan of wind turbines.

Life is like driftwood. You never know where you will float.

Christmas lights stick together. When one goes out, they all do.

Puns about communism are only funny if everyone gets them.

Rocket scientists cannot fuel around or something bad can happen.

A baker is someone who kneads to make baked goods.

I sometimes wear stripes to avoid being spotted.

Sponges are great at absorbing liquids.

Contrary to the name, relationships have nothing to do with boats.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zmanofdoom95
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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Why was the sponge so rude?

Because it was so self-absorbed!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andye2801
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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My cat loves the tampon I gave him to play with

It's totally absorbed him

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πŸ‘€︎ u/laolao72
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
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Why are urologists selfish?

Because they're all about number one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/k-smackerel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2015
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Overheard a lady tell her friend she was looking for a guy like the Brawny Man.

I interjected and told her he seemed self-absorbed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotMyFaultImMoody
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
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My costume is a bunch of sponges pinned to my shirt

I’m self absorbed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/topderp1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2017
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Brought a candle upstairs before bed...

I knew my wife would have "Welcome to Night Vale" on before bed, so I brought up a candle for a little spooky ambiance.

Sure enough, she was absorbed by the show already when I got into the room. I said, "We had like sixteen of these downstairs."

She, not fully paying attention, said," sixteen of what? "

"Sixteen... CANDLES."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dog13000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2016
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FiancΓ© said I look hot in black...

I replied by saying thats because black absorbs the most heat.

Eye rolling commenced.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hiphophead92
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2016
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We're watching our spending habits lately

"I have to buy sponges over at the dollar store."

"That's a cost we can absorb."

Guess I should have her pick up a pregnancy test, too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sevenfootwingspan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2016
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While cleaning out the cupboard...

Me and my gf threw out a whole bunch of old packets of herbs until there's only one, unopened one left.

I look pointedly at then turn to her wearing my biggest shit-eating grin on and say, "Baby, we've got nothing but thyme..."

There's a pause as she absorbs what I said, sighs heavily and calls me a dick while I proceed to piss myself laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hatchman1990
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2014
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New shock absorbers make a car easier to control.

That goes without swaying.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottyUrb
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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