Im left all a loan
ποΈ 9k
π
οΈ Dec 03 2020
Im building a counterfeit money machineβ¦.
I know it sounds crazy now, but I think eventually it will make a lot of centsβ¦
ποΈ 13
π
οΈ May 20 2021
Im really Sorrey about this meme
ποΈ 33
π
οΈ Apr 04 2021
Just found out im still a part of the catholic church even though ive been an atheist for years...
...guess you could call me a serial sinner
ποΈ 8
π
οΈ Apr 16 2021
Im looking for a joke about carpentry.
Does anyone know one that woodwork?
ποΈ 67
π
οΈ Feb 16 2021
When people find out im a bad electrician ...
... they are usually shocked
ποΈ 63
π
οΈ Feb 13 2021
*howls aggressively* "IM GOIN ALL IN BABY"
ποΈ 161
π
οΈ Jan 11 2021
My wife is leaving me because Im suffering from Alopecia.
ποΈ 7
π
οΈ Apr 03 2021
im sorry
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Feb 13 2021
Just wanna say im a huge fan
ποΈ 36
π
οΈ Dec 07 2020
Im quivering in my boots
ποΈ 132
π
οΈ Nov 07 2020
My wife left me cause Im too insecure
Never mind she was just at the grocery store
ποΈ 14k
π
οΈ Jun 01 2020
Im kinda afraid of Monkeys
I'm afraid they'll go ape on me
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Feb 10 2021
Im not wearing glasses anymore
ποΈ 19
π
οΈ Jan 05 2021
so anyway im switching my major to marketing...
just a few hours ago my brother was talking about buying cinnamon rolls from his english teacher who bakes and sells it on instagram as a side hustle and i said IF SHES AN ENGLISH TEACHER SHE SHOULD CALL THEM SYNONYM ROLLS and honestly im super proud
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Dec 08 2020
Im tired of being misunderstood and Iβm going to get straight to the point!
Iβm drawing a line in the sand.
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Jan 16 2021
Im gonna make a joke about a hoe girlfriend.
Shit, never mind the thought left me.
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Jan 02 2021
Im gonna tell my kids that the Titanic was carrying a lot of mayonnaise
And that it sunk on the 5th of May which is why we commemorate the Sinko de Mayo
ποΈ 10
π
οΈ Jan 05 2021
Its 1:30 and im drunk, thought this was comical
What did the hispanic who took 2 too many drugs say? Help i think I over(dos)ed
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Oct 28 2020
im beautiful
ποΈ 29
π
οΈ Oct 09 2020
I say to my dad βim hungryβ
hi hungry im dad was the response
no i said, mom just gave me the dna testing
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Jan 05 2021
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him is that a Fret!
ποΈ 10
π
οΈ Oct 13 2020
My job installed this new faucet. Im really faucinated by it
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Sep 16 2020
Some people say im some handsome guy
But without hands, im just some guy
ποΈ 10
π
οΈ Nov 16 2020
This year for Christmas, im going to buy a map for Chris Rea ...
He seems a bit lost, he's been driving home for Christmas since 1986
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Dec 20 2020
My dad went to the store to buy milk, i said βsure, old manβ and he said βim not good at comebacksβ
ποΈ 13
π
οΈ Nov 20 2020
Im really at a cross roads here
ποΈ 14
π
οΈ Sep 13 2020
Im dead inside
I'm literally a skeleton moving with clothes
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Oct 17 2020
Im not a dad, I just like dad jokes, but I think I will one day have children just for dad jokes
Because im really dadicated to the bit
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Dec 01 2020
Theres 3.3 million people in here so I figured id go ahead and post that im looking for one night stand.
Matter of fact, make it 2. I need one for each lamp.
ποΈ 13
π
οΈ Oct 27 2020
Im trying to make a joke about cartography
I just need someone to help map it out
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Nov 05 2020
Anti wax or smth, idk im not autistic
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Sep 25 2020
Im dieing of laughter
ποΈ 6k
π
οΈ Feb 27 2019
I have nothing to say... But im sorry
ποΈ 21
π
οΈ Jul 29 2020
Im near sighted and tone deaf
I canβt C sharp, but I am the dad of A minor,
That boy is nothing but treble.
ποΈ 31
π
οΈ Jul 18 2020
im sorry... so sorry
https://preview.redd.it/q5qwe293xq351.png?width=850&format=png&auto=webp&s=012dd15015339e123d09a939a70fc64b604e11d4
ποΈ 16
π
οΈ Jun 08 2020
Im good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
ποΈ 16
π
οΈ Jul 11 2020
Im sorry if this post is unnerving
ποΈ 11
π
οΈ Jul 17 2020
Neutron to electron: i think im decaying into a proton
Electron: are you sure?
Neutron: im nearly positive
Electron: ive never been so attracted to you
ποΈ 8
π
οΈ Sep 16 2020
Im sofa king done
ποΈ 46
π
οΈ May 29 2020
So im about ten years old walking home from school with my mates..
When a chap in a van pulls up gets out and says there is a new leather sette and a leather chair in the van you can have it free of charge.
We decided to take it to our house.
I told my dad expecting him to be pleased.
Instead he came over and clipped my ear with the back of his hand.
Crying i said what was that for.
My dad said How many times do i have to tell you.
DONT TAKE SUITES OFF STRANGERS!
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Oct 01 2020
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