Im left all a loan
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
Im looking for a joke about carpentry.
Does anyone know one that woodwork?
π︎ 68
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︎ Feb 16 2021
When people find out im a bad electrician ...
... they are usually shocked
π︎ 64
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︎ Feb 13 2021
*howls aggressively* "IM GOIN ALL IN BABY"
π︎ 159
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︎ Jan 11 2021
im sorry
π︎ 2
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︎ Feb 13 2021
Im kinda afraid of Monkeys
I'm afraid they'll go ape on me
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︎ Feb 10 2021
Just wanna say im a huge fan
π︎ 34
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︎ Dec 07 2020
Im quivering in my boots
π︎ 137
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︎ Nov 07 2020
Im not wearing glasses anymore
π︎ 18
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︎ Jan 05 2021
Im tired of being misunderstood and Iβm going to get straight to the point!
Iβm drawing a line in the sand.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
Im gonna make a joke about a hoe girlfriend.
Shit, never mind the thought left me.
π︎ 4
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︎ Jan 02 2021
Im gonna tell my kids that the Titanic was carrying a lot of mayonnaise
And that it sunk on the 5th of May which is why we commemorate the Sinko de Mayo
π︎ 9
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︎ Jan 05 2021
so anyway im switching my major to marketing...
just a few hours ago my brother was talking about buying cinnamon rolls from his english teacher who bakes and sells it on instagram as a side hustle and i said IF SHES AN ENGLISH TEACHER SHE SHOULD CALL THEM SYNONYM ROLLS and honestly im super proud
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 08 2020
I say to my dad βim hungryβ
hi hungry im dad was the response
no i said, mom just gave me the dna testing
π︎ 4
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︎ Jan 05 2021
My wife left me cause Im too insecure
Never mind she was just at the grocery store
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Jun 01 2020
Im koaling a day
π︎ 5
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︎ Nov 27 2020
Its 1:30 and im drunk, thought this was comical
What did the hispanic who took 2 too many drugs say? Help i think I over(dos)ed
π︎ 6
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︎ Oct 28 2020
This year for Christmas, im going to buy a map for Chris Rea ...
He seems a bit lost, he's been driving home for Christmas since 1986
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 20 2020
If I ever own a mare, Im naming her
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 15 2020
im beautiful
π︎ 32
π
︎ Oct 09 2020
Some people say im some handsome guy
But without hands, im just some guy
π︎ 12
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︎ Nov 16 2020
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him is that a Fret!
π︎ 10
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︎ Oct 13 2020
My dad went to the store to buy milk, i said βsure, old manβ and he said βim not good at comebacksβ
π︎ 12
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︎ Nov 20 2020
Im not a dad, I just like dad jokes, but I think I will one day have children just for dad jokes
Because im really dadicated to the bit
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 01 2020
My job installed this new faucet. Im really faucinated by it
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 16 2020
Im dead inside
I'm literally a skeleton moving with clothes
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 17 2020
Im trying to make a joke about cartography
I just need someone to help map it out
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 05 2020
Theres 3.3 million people in here so I figured id go ahead and post that im looking for one night stand.
Matter of fact, make it 2. I need one for each lamp.
π︎ 13
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︎ Oct 27 2020
Im really at a cross roads here
π︎ 15
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︎ Sep 13 2020
Anti wax or smth, idk im not autistic
π︎ 5
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︎ Sep 25 2020
I have nothing to say... But im sorry
π︎ 22
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︎ Jul 29 2020
Im near sighted and tone deaf
I canβt C sharp, but I am the dad of A minor,
That boy is nothing but treble.
π︎ 30
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︎ Jul 18 2020
Neutron to electron: i think im decaying into a proton
Electron: are you sure?
Neutron: im nearly positive
Electron: ive never been so attracted to you
π︎ 8
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︎ Sep 16 2020
So im about ten years old walking home from school with my mates..
When a chap in a van pulls up gets out and says there is a new leather sette and a leather chair in the van you can have it free of charge.
We decided to take it to our house.
I told my dad expecting him to be pleased.
Instead he came over and clipped my ear with the back of his hand.
Crying i said what was that for.
My dad said How many times do i have to tell you.
DONT TAKE SUITES OFF STRANGERS!
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︎ Oct 01 2020
Im sorry if this post is unnerving
π︎ 12
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︎ Jul 17 2020
Im good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
π︎ 15
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︎ Jul 11 2020
im sorry... so sorry
https://preview.redd.it/q5qwe293xq351.png?width=850&format=png&auto=webp&s=012dd15015339e123d09a939a70fc64b604e11d4
π︎ 17
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︎ Jun 08 2020
I think im gonna need to buy some adderall for my camera
Because its having trouble focusing
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jul 14 2020
Im sofa king done
π︎ 45
π
︎ May 29 2020
am I right ? of course Im on the left wing :D
π︎ 27
π
︎ May 29 2020
Im going to start collecting highlighters
π︎ 22
π
︎ Jul 24 2020
Im dieing of laughter
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Feb 27 2019
Im not addicted to brake fluid, I swear!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 20 2020
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