Yes, and?
They're always winging it.
I joined an improv group for skits and giggles.
Me: “That sounds cool. Do you guys have a plan or are you just gonna make it up as you go?”
(This was a couple years ago and I still look back on it as my peak dad joke)
It goes without saying
and today, we were playing a game of "Yes, Let's!" If you're unfamiliar, that's a group improv exercise where one person says "Let's do a thing!" and everybody else replies "Yes, let's!" and then proceeds to act out the scene. After acting out said scene, somebody freezes, then everybody freezes, and then someone else starts one.
In this case, it was "Let's go to a Michael Jackson tribute concert!" Now, we'd just been coached to assume distinct roles in an attempt to construct a coherent narrative, and so I, as an awkward, scrawny, blond white man, slipped effortlessly into the role of a shitty Michael Jackson impersonator. And I must have been doing something right, because the rest of the group quickly formed a scene as the audience, security, and crew, and stupidity ensued as I sucked at being Michael Jackson for all I was worth.
A few people started heckling, and then one of the audience members barged past security and mimed punching me in the head, whereupon I dramatically spun and dropped to the floor with a resounding THUD (knowing how to fall is a useful skill). The reaction was about a third laughs, a third stage-gasps, and a third just confusion. But I did get a few compliments after the exercise on my impression and my theatrics.
So I'd say that was a pretty big hit.
I guess he's not much of a stand-up guy.
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
Anyone know if he meant human or animals ?
UNEEDCHEF
Me: Iron Man dies at the end.
But booze will double your vision
....but it stops your biscuit from getting soft..
Multi-level marketing
With better arrow dynamics.
Stagnation
The older I get the more I like it.
Now it’s in-bee-leavable!!!
But then I turned around
• you suddenly know all the words to every Eagles song.
• you get up early on a Saturday morning to make sure you’ll be tired enough for a couch nap that afternoon.
• you change your car’s oil exactly every 2,000 miles.
• mowing the lawn is no longer a chore, but a privilege.
• you can actually tell old John Wayne movies apart.
• your idea of fun is aimlessly wandering around the home improvement section of any store.
Tenfold
From now on no joke will be published without their scents of humour.
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since
I really want to have a daughter and name her Zelda.
I imagine, as she gets older she will spend all her time writing sick poetry and rhymes in her journal, growing her hair down to her back, not to spite me, but so she can donate it later, and expand her wit by studying improv comedy through highschool.
As she becomes famous, I hope she will invite me to one of her rap battles and put me in the front row. My heart will grow as she takes the stage, but fatherly intuition tells me something is wrong...Zelda is frozen at the microphone.
I see her up on the stage, eyes alight with fright, hair pulled tight into a bun. She and I lock eyes, a moment of silence passes and serenity slowly enters...THIS is the moment we have been waiting for all our lives.
Looking up calmly, I couldn't be more proud as I exclaim, "Rap puns, Zel. Rap puns, Zel! Let down your hair!"
The noise was unbearable.
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
Because there's an AC in DC.
(Someone improve this joke.)
Rob Boss.
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
To improve their web-sight
Me grammar sucks and i is imaginary.
It was a soundboard
My wife and daughter are working on improving the meringue cookie recipe they are using.
I asked if the batter was better and my wife said yes.
So I asked if it had enough sugar or if it was a bitter better batter.
The look on her face was priceless!
I reminded her that she knew my sense of humor before she married me and went through with it anyway.
I'm a steak-holder.
Forgot where I left it.....
A centaur for disease control
logarithmically
It improves division
Vitamin see!
Chiropractice.
Your ears
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
