My son thinks I'm so cool for being able to talk like Cookie Monster and Elmo.

I guess you could say I have Sesame Street cred.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/salawm
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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I told my kids, "Did you know Albert Einstein had a brother that was an evil scientist who created a monster from body parts and his name wasโ€ฆ"

โ€ฆFrank!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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Two monsters were at a party having a good time when one of them noticed a lady monster rolled her eyes at them. The monster asked his monster friend "what should I do?"

The other other monster replied "be a gentleman, roll them back to her."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
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๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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Am I a monster?
๐Ÿ‘︎ 48
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/David_Jonathan0
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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I truly am a monster. My partner is a nurse for context.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Salamirelish
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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What do you say to a vampire when he graduates? (and other monster jokes from a book I had)

Countdraculations.

What is 5m. tall, hairy and flies at 2,179 km/h?

A King Kongcorde.

What do witches use to know the hour?

A witch watch.

What do you call a chicken spirit?

A poultrygeist.

And one mine:

What do you call a house inhabited by a chicken spirit?

A hen-ted house.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Roaring_Anubis
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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I wrote a story about a mundane, not-so-hideous monster.

My publisher said it was a mediogre work.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/troy_lc
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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Today i drank a warm monster or should i say

A warmster

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JoNNeMoPo69
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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I came into the office early and switched as many M and N keys on keyboards as I could. Some might say I'm a monster...

But others will say nomster

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DanGlerrBOY89
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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Iโ€™ve created a monster. My 6 year old just asked us: Why did the robot cross the road?

Because he was programmed too ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿป

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rachelsfriendfriend
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
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I found glockness monster
๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/fred8--
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
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Last October, I was walking through the cemetery and I came across a trash can where someone had thrown out their Kraft halloween monster themed mac and cheese...

It was the mac.

It was the monster mac.

the monster mac

was in the graveyard trash.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/brdain
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
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I made a monster and I'm not sorry.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Ghoulish_gamer
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
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Watching one their favorite movies with the kids, and I ask, โ€œShould we get a Monster Oven and Monster Fridge?โ€

Since you love the Monster Sink so much.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/flowers_are_red
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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I've created a monster

My 7 year old daughter calls me: " Dad, can you help me with..."

โ€ I'm not your Dad" โ€” I interrupt trying the daily dad jokeโ€“ "I'm an alien, an my friends kidnapped your Dad"

7y old daughter: "you mean... he was Dadnapped"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/drneck
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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I hear you're hunting the Loch Ness monster.

May not be Nessie-ssary, but Beast of Loch to you!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 47
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Seerofthingsmissed
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
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I heard that there's a Scottish version of sock monsters

They call it the Sock Ness Monster

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/NairodI
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
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[Monster] I got both of the boys last night, said good night and then I told them "don't move, stay very still" I dove to the floor reaching under the bed and pulled out a monster energy drink and told them there was a Monster under their bed.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/alleyrat66
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 24 2018
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Last night I had nightmares that I was a monster truck.

I woke up super tired and overly exhausted.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 29
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/leparr
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 19 2017
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I understand that dressing up as a monster is a popular Halloween costume.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 26
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ramborage
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 01 2013
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I switched the M and the N keys on my son's keyboard. You could say I'm a monster, but he says I'm a nomster.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FIGHTSONG_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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