My wife said, β€œI don’t really understand the science behind human cloning.”

I said, β€œThat makes two of us.”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Baby Roach: β€œPapa, what happens if the humans spray us with Raid?”

Papa Roach: β€œSuffocation. No breathing.”

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FunPeach0
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
My socially anxious friend just got a PhD in palindrome studies.

I call him Dr. Awkward

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moc_gordy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My genetically engineered apples have been disfigured

They have gone pear-shaped.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Awesome-79
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don't the Chinese understand the human leg?

Because they constantly ask "Knee-How?"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hanya_124
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
🚨︎ report
One small Step for Humanity.
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blacknight68
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Diarrhea is genetic

It runs in your genes

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dirty_boris
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
TIL: Humans are born with four kidneys

When they grow up, two of them becomes adult knees

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Not_obnoxious
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know humans can be struck by lightning?

I was shocked when I found out

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Human genetics means two Wongs don't make a white.

Or else something seriously suspicious happened in the delivery room.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/darth_henning
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
🚨︎ report
This is the last thing I need
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/discovid19
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Petco has a new Covid vaccine for animals & humans. In tests, some people have reported excessive hair growth on their hands. I'm going to get it anyway...

but it does give me paws.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
My psychiatrist says I have an unhealthy obsession with revenge.

We'll see about that...

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
🚨︎ report
One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has been deported.

We don't have Oleg to stand on.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm starting my new job as a human chess piece.

The money is great. I'm on knights next week.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Lil Nas X sold his sole to make these nike shoes with a drop of human blood
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/90210Rager
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
CDC declares Diarrhea to be a genetic disease

It runs in your jeans

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/annthaknee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to be a head of human resources.

But then it got too personnel.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ricerly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Mt. Rushmore rocks!
πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cREDBARON
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
To err is human

To arrrrrr is pirate

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lemonsaremelons
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
If you think Earth has too few human-animal hybrids

then it behooves you to become a centaur.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/twitchard
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Swedish inventors have created cyborgs which are hard to distinguish from real humans.

Critics are concerned about the use of artificial Swedeners.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Gregor Mendel was an outspoken genetics genius

And still giving us a peas of his mind

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I failed all my biology classes

I guess I’m biode-grade-able

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pathrado
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I successfully crossbred a human and a coffee plant

The first human bean is here

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
How does a train eat human food?

He choo it

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cfager123
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
When genetically modifying humans becomes common, the company that's doing it should be called ProCreation.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Slimjawb
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2014
🚨︎ report
I built a catapult that can send a human from the USA all the way to Africa

What country you end up in depends on the Angola approach

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xtilexx
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend creates hybrid animals. She made a cow with human glutes. It turned out to be so cute!

I really like to look at her butt-ox!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
9 times out of 10 a carnivore will choose a small space rock over human flesh...

Because the rock is a little meteor.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bot4601
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"

"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
One of my buddies asked me if I could find out what the largest organ in the human body was.

So I googled and told him exactly what I found.

Basically a skin for a friend.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Movie pitch: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues as the disease wipes out 99% of humanity.

Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.

πŸ‘︎ 746
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
which bone of the human body is the funny bone?

>! The Humerus!<

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KAL88K
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Human interest for 2021 Lent

A particular family in LA has been abstaining from using one letter of the alphabet for Lent each year, since 2001. It started as a joke, giving up "A" in 2001 and "B" in 2002, but developed into a strong family tradition.

This year, one of the members has a tough choice to make. Unlike the rest of the Astleys, Rick made a solemn vow...

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drzowie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
If you want to make easy money, just take pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.

It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Introducing the fauna of the human body
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aj_seravla
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the fish say to the human

"Nice to sea you"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hash-Hasho
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
Humans go through reincarnation. What do shoes go through?

A reboot.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BatWaluigi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
So I read a study the other day claiming that β€œhumans eat more bananas than monkeys”

Which to me sounded a bit obvious. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

πŸ‘︎ 132
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Grandcanyon19
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard that scientist are trying to genetically engineer a pig to have wings.

It seems far fetched to me. I'll believe it when pigs fly

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fukurslf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The Mama Roach asked "What will happen to us if that human sprays us with Raid?"

The Papa Roach replied "Suffocation. No breathing."

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SammDogg619
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Diarrhea is genetic

It runs in the genes.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
TIL: Humans are born with four kidneys

When they grow up, two of them becomes adult knees

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Not_obnoxious
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife said, β€œI don’t understand the science behind human cloning.”

I said, β€œThat makes two of us.”

πŸ‘︎ 157
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has been deported.

We don't have Oleg to stand on.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Diarrhea is genetic

It runs in your jeans

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SharpBomber85
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend is making a lot of easy money by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.

It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife said, β€œI don’t quite understand the science behind human cloning.”

Me: That makes two of us.

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know that diarrhea is genetic?

It runs in your jeans

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gruffudd725
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report

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