My wife said, βI donβt really understand the science behind human cloning.β
I said, βThat makes two of us.β
π︎ 7k
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︎ May 09 2021
Baby Roach: βPapa, what happens if the humans spray us with Raid?β
Papa Roach: βSuffocation. No breathing.β
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︎ May 14 2021
My socially anxious friend just got a PhD in palindrome studies.
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︎ Apr 12 2021
My genetically engineered apples have been disfigured
They have gone pear-shaped.
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︎ Mar 06 2021
Why don't the Chinese understand the human leg?
Because they constantly ask "Knee-How?"
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︎ May 02 2021
One small Step for Humanity.
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︎ Apr 20 2021
Diarrhea is genetic
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︎ Jan 16 2021
TIL: Humans are born with four kidneys
When they grow up, two of them becomes adult knees
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︎ Jan 26 2021
Did you know humans can be struck by lightning?
I was shocked when I found out
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︎ Mar 23 2021
Human genetics means two Wongs don't make a white.
Or else something seriously suspicious happened in the delivery room.
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︎ Sep 12 2018
This is the last thing I need
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︎ Apr 24 2021
Petco has a new Covid vaccine for animals & humans. In tests, some people have reported excessive hair growth on their hands. I'm going to get it anyway...
but it does give me paws.
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︎ Apr 13 2021
My psychiatrist says I have an unhealthy obsession with revenge.
π︎ 9k
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︎ Apr 25 2021
One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has been deported.
We don't have Oleg to stand on.
π︎ 30
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︎ Apr 19 2021
I'm starting my new job as a human chess piece.
The money is great. I'm on knights next week.
π︎ 6
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︎ Apr 02 2021
Lil Nas X sold his sole to make these nike shoes with a drop of human blood
π︎ 6
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︎ Mar 28 2021
CDC declares Diarrhea to be a genetic disease
π︎ 49
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︎ Oct 28 2020
I used to be a head of human resources.
But then it got too personnel.
π︎ 15
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︎ Apr 06 2021
Mt. Rushmore rocks!
π︎ 7k
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︎ Mar 26 2021
To err is human
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︎ Apr 01 2021
If you think Earth has too few human-animal hybrids
then it behooves you to become a centaur.
π︎ 9
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︎ Apr 01 2021
Swedish inventors have created cyborgs which are hard to distinguish from real humans.
Critics are concerned about the use of artificial Swedeners.
π︎ 15
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︎ Mar 24 2021
Gregor Mendel was an outspoken genetics genius
And still giving us a peas of his mind
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︎ Nov 21 2020
I failed all my biology classes
I guess Iβm biode-grade-able
π︎ 9
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︎ May 05 2021
I successfully crossbred a human and a coffee plant
The first human bean is here
π︎ 29
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︎ Feb 10 2021
How does a train eat human food?
π︎ 7
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︎ Mar 14 2021
When genetically modifying humans becomes common, the company that's doing it should be called ProCreation.
π︎ 8
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︎ Sep 06 2014
I built a catapult that can send a human from the USA all the way to Africa
What country you end up in depends on the Angola approach
π︎ 6
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︎ Feb 20 2021
My friend creates hybrid animals. She made a cow with human glutes. It turned out to be so cute!
I really like to look at her butt-ox!
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︎ Mar 13 2021
9 times out of 10 a carnivore will choose a small space rock over human flesh...
Because the rock is a little meteor.
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︎ Feb 28 2021
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "Itβs true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
π︎ 17k
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︎ Jun 26 2020
One of my buddies asked me if I could find out what the largest organ in the human body was.
So I googled and told him exactly what I found.
Basically a skin for a friend.
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︎ Feb 26 2021
Movie pitch: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues as the disease wipes out 99% of humanity.
Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
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︎ Oct 15 2020
which bone of the human body is the funny bone?
π︎ 2
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︎ Feb 08 2021
Human interest for 2021 Lent
A particular family in LA has been abstaining from using one letter of the alphabet for Lent each year, since 2001. It started as a joke, giving up "A" in 2001 and "B" in 2002, but developed into a strong family tradition.
This year, one of the members has a tough choice to make. Unlike the rest of the Astleys, Rick made a solemn vow...
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︎ Feb 17 2021
If you want to make easy money, just take pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
Itβs like shooting fish in apparel.
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︎ Jan 29 2021
Introducing the fauna of the human body
π︎ 2k
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︎ Aug 03 2020
What did the fish say to the human
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︎ Jan 31 2021
Humans go through reincarnation. What do shoes go through?
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 18 2020
So I read a study the other day claiming that βhumans eat more bananas than monkeysβ
Which to me sounded a bit obvious. I canβt remember the last time I ate a monkey.
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︎ Nov 12 2020
I heard that scientist are trying to genetically engineer a pig to have wings.
It seems far fetched to me. I'll believe it when pigs fly
π︎ 6
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︎ Aug 07 2020
The Mama Roach asked "What will happen to us if that human sprays us with Raid?"
The Papa Roach replied "Suffocation. No breathing."
π︎ 26
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︎ Jan 18 2021
Diarrhea is genetic
π︎ 27
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︎ Nov 09 2020
TIL: Humans are born with four kidneys
When they grow up, two of them becomes adult knees
π︎ 17k
π
︎ Sep 24 2020
My wife said, βI donβt understand the science behind human cloning.β
I said, βThat makes two of us.β
π︎ 157
π
︎ Feb 13 2021
One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has been deported.
We don't have Oleg to stand on.
π︎ 46
π
︎ Jan 23 2021
Diarrhea is genetic
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 30 2020
My friend is making a lot of easy money by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
Itβs like shooting fish in apparel.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Jun 21 2020
My wife said, βI donβt quite understand the science behind human cloning.β
Me: That makes two of us.
π︎ 55
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︎ Jan 12 2021
Did you know that diarrhea is genetic?
π︎ 71
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︎ Apr 18 2020
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