I met with my friend who said he developed a weapon to harness the wind and propel it like a bullet. We took turns firing at a target he had in his yard...

We shot the breeze.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the musher get his new puppy's harness on?

He was just a little husky.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ADarkDraconis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Someone stole the harnesses at the canine facility last night...

Police have no leads

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Phil is to blame for this one, nothing to do with me.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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Har har
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
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What do you call a Deer with no eyes???

No idea

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrjaxson1111
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Man seen stealing police car wheels.

The police are working tirelessly to catch him.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My horse has insomnia and keeps everyone awake

She's a nightmare

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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I told a joke to a Japanese guy earlier about Sodium and Nickel...

He didn't get it though, so he just said "NaNi?!"

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/qwopcircles
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
For me, the urge to sing β€œThe Lion Sleeps Tonight” is always just a whim away...

...a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Wanna hear a joke about procrastination?

I’ll tell you later...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sandwiches101
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.

He finishes his drink and asks for his check.

Duck billed platypus.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?

BECAUSE THEN IT WOULD BE A FOOT!

πŸ‘︎ 139
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeletedForSpamm
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Hardee har har
πŸ‘︎ 160
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brinelax
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2014
🚨︎ report
My friend is obsessed with taking blurry pictures of himself while taking a shower.

He has serious selfie steam issues.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of fire leaves a room damp?

A humidifire.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marvinli
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
You can't plant flowers

if you haven't botany

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nathann4288
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Every morning after I wake up, the first thing I do is make my bed.

Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to Ikea.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
🚨︎ report
His days are numbered.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
🚨︎ report
A furniture store keeps calling me...

All I wanted was one night stand.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rectalspasm
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I hate people with no digits on their feet

I am lack-toes intolerant

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evetSgiB
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
🚨︎ report
There is a mysterious crime spree going on at our local IKEA.

The cops are having a hard time putting the pieces together.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
🚨︎ report
The shadow Bachs
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shlupieus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend the comedian normally gets lots of applause after his act, but the last time it was nothing but boos...

He must have been having a bad har day.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 461
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I couldn’t decide how much lettuce to buy, but my wife helped me think through it.

Turns out two heads are better than one.

πŸ‘︎ 210
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
🚨︎ report
In a field there are 30 wolves and 28 chickens. How many didn’t?

10 wolves didn’t.

(Please tell me you guys got it)

πŸ‘︎ 653
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tahmid5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
🚨︎ report
I meant to buy bananas at the store today...

But they totally slipped my mind.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
If Frozen Water is Iced Water than what is Frozen ink?
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SalmonMan690
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me the kid almost burned the house down

Now i’m really scared of arson

πŸ‘︎ 148
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yorak-Hunt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Well son, if you don't want that girl to ghost you...

You should probably give her a boo-quet of flowers.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do Seagulls fly over the Sea?

Because if the flew over the bay they'd be Bagels

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juicy-tomato
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't often tell Dad jokes

But when I do, he usually laughs

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anudeep30
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œHey, dad, did you get a haircut?”

β€œNo, I got them all cut.”

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de brie

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaintMyBagel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2017
🚨︎ report
If you have a 6:30 appointment, you can always be late by a couple of minutes.

Because 6:32 is 6:30 too.

πŸ‘︎ 878
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Let me summarize 2018 in four words for you:

Two thousand and eighteen.

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
So... A woman got the first ever wooden breast implants yesterday

it would of been funny if this joke had a punchline wooden tit

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drew442
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2015
🚨︎ report
Koi fish will always travel in groups of four.

Because while A Koi, B Koi and C Koi will get away,the predators will always go for the D Koi.

πŸ‘︎ 157
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mudpucket1969
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Aye matey.

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/officerpaws
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Whenever my friend walks into a room, he has this weird habit of taking the batteries out of all the clocks.

He claims he can stop it at any time.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife asked if she picked the best cheese.

I told her that’s gouda, but you can do feta.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fundertaker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Today, I asked this grandpa if he found everything okay when ringing up his groceries

He said, "No, I wasn't looking for everything."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thecasquatch
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2016
🚨︎ report
My friend is getting a new car - a "tangerine" ford focus. Dad drops this one...

Tangerine focus... Isn't that the same as orange concentrate?

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jimmyd931
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2013
🚨︎ report
Tried to Dadjoke my four year old, got outsmarted.

This morning my son was about to put on his socks.

I: -wait, are there holes in your socks?

Son: -Yes, of course! Or else i wouldn't be able to get my fot into them. *holds up socks for me to see while extending hole at the top with fingers.

Me: -Hmrp... *sectretly feeling proud.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2rgeir
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dinosaur that lost its gold?

A dinosr

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
🚨︎ report

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