What's the most common disease in HR departments?

Staff infections.

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📅︎ Jul 29 2020
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HR [OC]
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📅︎ May 17 2018
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Does anyone work for HR at Pastures New?

If so, can you please stop poaching my staff?

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👤︎ u/emu404
📅︎ Feb 17 2020
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What sense is HR lacking?

A sense of humor.

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📅︎ Nov 30 2019
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I used to work in HR in the coal industry, but I quit.

I got tired keeping up with the miner details.

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📅︎ Dec 20 2018
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I quit my job working in HR at a coal company.

I got sick of all the miner details.

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📅︎ Apr 15 2019
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I just quit my 20/hr per week internship to start my first full-time job and I'm kind of sad...

...I think I'm suffering from post-part-time depression.

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👤︎ u/scorkla
📅︎ Oct 17 2015
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Dadjoked my new hr rep.

As a fellow ginger she came to me today and introduced herself. Not feeling so well. I politely declined her handshake. Explained that the stomach bug had gotten me. She proceeded to say it was nice to meet a fellow ginger, and followed with "you should drink some ginger tea to help with your stomach."

To which I replied, "Can't. That would be cannibalism."

Took her a second. Then a guffaw.

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📅︎ Mar 11 2015
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My girlfriend is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.

More on this after the break.

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📅︎ Sep 29 2020
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Shania Twain has given birth to a baby boy.

Choo Choo, was born at 3:30pm today weighing 6lb 8oz.

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👤︎ u/Rav4xle
📅︎ Jun 12 2020
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I know accountant that is always tired

I believe his job is very taxing.

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👤︎ u/masives
📅︎ Apr 10 2017
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Got a co-worker with this one as he was heading home after a 24hr shift.

I work in the investigations section of a military police department, and aside from our normal office hours, we have 24hr shifts that cycle through the office, so that there's an investigator present and on-duty 24/7/365.

My co-worker was wrapping up some paperwork this morning, and coming off of his 24 hr shift, and almost dead to the world. At the time, a pair of other investigators in my office were discussing some case that had happened a day or two prior that involved an emancipated juvenile.

I was just logging into my workstation to check my e-mail and I turned to my co-worker and asked, "Hey, so when a juvenile gets emancipated, and he announces it - proclaims it, if you will - what would they call that?"

He stares at me with a blank, uncomprehending expression and I continue, "An emancipation...proclamation? Maybe?"

The annoyed groans of someone who's been up for 24 hours are so satisfying.

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👤︎ u/Droidball
📅︎ Jul 08 2015
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I Dadjoked my wife....

Local gym, we're on the treadmills close to the doors. A group of Mexican descendants walk out the doors, this is a 24 hr gym after normal business hours. Wife: I wonder if all of them have memberships Me: No, just Juan..... Wife: ..... :/ I swear I'm not racist.

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📅︎ Apr 04 2018
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My father and space travel...

I have been watching our 'tax payer funded' spaceman Major Tim Peake's intergalactic adventures with very limited interest and have done some some pretty basic arithmetic. The ISS is 250 miles above the Earth,and Tim and his spaceman mates took off at 11am -ish, and it took 7 hrs to get there. Fuck me that is just a little over 35 mph, my first car an mk1 escort would have got there quicker!

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👤︎ u/z-2
📅︎ Jun 15 2016
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A new job

My dad just got me good, talking about a job I'm starting while going to school:

Dad: Did you hear from HR?

Me: yeah I have to go for a drug test.

Dad: Do you have to study?

Me: Wha-oh my god I hate you

I'm the youngest of 5 so he's had a lot of practice

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📅︎ Feb 09 2017
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Just dad joked my gf

Back story: she's flying home today after a week of vacation. Has 2 connecting flights ~8 hrs

Her- "I hate travel days, I just want to be home." Me- "but you'll be here soon enough" Her- "not uh, its like 8 hrs" Me- "I'm sure those hours will FLY by..."

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📅︎ Aug 01 2014
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My boss got me this morning

Boss: "What time is the meeting today?"

Me: "Umm... 2:30"

Boss: "Go see a dentist, then."

I'm filing a report with HR.

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👤︎ u/Damjo
📅︎ Dec 08 2015
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Dad-joked a family friend

http://i.imgur.com/hrFxsXl.jpg

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👤︎ u/TheTurner
📅︎ Jun 07 2015
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