HMS Gurkha (F20) Puns

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tribal-class_destroyer_%281936%29

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HMS_Punjabi

DISCLAIMER- I am not the original poster. This is a repost sub, OP is u/Towel_Tricky. Was posted about 7 months back.

Post 1- https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/ns0k6y/ldr_boyfriend_m23_cheated_on_me_f20_after_3_years/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

Long story short, I figured out from 3000 miles away he’s been cheating. Started with a phone call popping up on his screen with the girl's name on FaceTime (I said go take your phone call, he refused, Said it was his male friend - confused/gaslit me and made me rethink the name I had read, wasn't a huge alarm bell because I thought I just misread the name). Then I found them with matching IG profile pics of all things (praise be to the Instagram algorithm suggesting her account to me the day after the phone call incident LOL) and I put two and two together and confronted him. He admitted to it, from the date in the girls bio (lol) they’ve been together for 9 months. We were together for about 3 years. He knew her before he knew me, didn’t think anything of it - he still insists at the beginning nothing was going on, but flirts & sex happened around 9 months ago. He had a snap streak with her since before we knew eachother properly, whatever, didn’t bother me when I saw it.

Anyway, now he’s been cheating with her. Emotionally & physically but she’s still partly LDR I believe - I’m not entirely sure. She doesn't know he was with me, has no idea of our relationship or my existence.

He said he’s too scared to break up with her because she’s suicidal, self-harms, gets very upset with him (i.e. he claims he was forced to do the Instagram profile pic thing because otherwise she got upset and would cut) and she takes anger out on him. Issues with drugs & alcohol, parents drug addicts so not a supportive homelife. He is kind of therapist-esque for her I think? Supports her and whatever. We talked for about an hour after I confronted him which is why I know all this.

Classic cheater caught scenario - crying, apologising. The kicker was when I said break up with her and block her - it's unhealthy for you and unfair for her; she needs professional mental health help which you can't provide and you're screwing with your own sanity. Refused, said she'

Holly molly this is so long… if anyone reads this you're my hero.

TL;DR Me (20s female) and my grandma (80 female) have been fighting over her antiquated view of gender roles. I snapped. How do I proceed?

This has a long backstory, please bear with me.

To preface, me (late 20s female) and my grandma (early 80s female) have always been close. My father has been mostly absent and a jerk, so my immediately family consisted of my mother and my grandma. My grandma is a wonderful old lady, she has many interests, since she stopped being fully mobile she's online all the time, following her family and many friends. She is very progressive, for example she's a huge ally for LGBTQ. She has one big flaw (IMO) and that is how rigid her view is on gender roles.

She loves to tell how at her wedding her mother asked her new husband to feel free to physically punish her (my grandma) if she ever failed to do chores. She thinks it was cute. She also keeps on talking about how a woman has to have her house in order before she can do anything else (meaning unless your windows are cleaned once a month, all laundry done, floor spotless, white-glove inspection ready, NO friends, NO hobbies, NO rest!). And if your man helps you, you're not a woman and will burn I hell basically. It really is such a strange point of her personality and we keep butting heads over this (I'm told I'm stubborn after her).

She's been trying to push this on me and my mom since I could remember. I used to brush her off, but now I've got a daughter and I REALLY don't want her to be fed this once she understands more, so it is kore and more of a topic because I now stand up to her whenever she's muttering it under her breath at family lunches etc. We see each other almost daily as she and my mother live 10 minutes away (something we decided to do very intentionally, the mutual agreement is that we support them as much as possible, ie car-rides, groceries, house maintenance etc., and they help with childcare). Also grandma visits regularly and knows that my place is OK, is might not be spotless but it is clean and about as organised as a home can be with a very mobile toddler reigning supreme. I cook every meal for my baby and most of the "adult" meals. I'm on top of the laundry and have a huge jungle if we'll kept houseplants, in other words I'm a normal capable adult.

I'm a pretty busy person, I'm a mom of a toddler, also a post-grad student, and a business owner. I do my share of the chores (

Hi everyone. Sorry if this isn’t the right sub. I’m in my hometown for Thanksgiving and decided to stop by an old friend’s house to bring him a plate from my own dinner. We were chatting for a bit, when he heard his cat scratching and she peed on the floor. My friend proceeded to beat her and the cat’s cries were the most awful sounds I’ve ever heard. He threw her out of the room and carried on as normal. I felt so sick about this.

However, I don’t know how to look at him. I left shortly after and just said I was tired because I needed to process what had happened. He did not even flinch at hurting an animal. It was so normal to him.

I used to be very close with this friend, but not so much anymore since I live in my college town now. We don’t talk much anyways, but is this enough to stop being his friend? I’ve had some other people tell me it’s not really that bad. I have my own cat, George, and I would literally never be able to live with myself if I hurt him. I understand people have different ideas of what “discipline” looks like, but to hurt an animal? I can’t even comprehend it. Big red flag. Am I overthinking this?

First update: In the morning, I texted said friend and asked if I could have the cats or if I could bring them to a shelter down the road which I love. He responded with, “Nah they’re chillin. [the cat he hit] wouldn’t survive with her severe abandonment issues.” I was hoping he would make it easy, but I’m worried the police or animal control wouldn’t do anything to help. Going to talk with my other friend who is going to confront the abuser. Maybe we just need to steal the cats.

Second update: it’s the afternoon now. The “friend” never sent me another message. I asked my other male friend (M24) to talk to the abuser (M22) for me and he said he would but he didn’t think it was as serious as I did. I told him I was scared of the man (M22) we both used to consider one of our best friends. He said I was overreacting and that said friend was not suddenly a horrible monster. I disagree.

I think M24 is going to confront M22, but I’m not sure how that will go. I don’t want anyone else to get hurt, I just want to save the animals.

Every animal rescue I called said that if I could bring them the cats they would happily take them in. However, I can’t steal the cats as I would worry for my own safety and for M22 getting angry and aggressive towards me. I’m hoping M24 is able to convince M22 to give him the cats so at the very least he can take