True story: I was visiting my wife in the hospital but the room didn't have a bed to lay down in so I laid down on the floor since I was tired. The nurse came in and asked "having a good time down there"?

I said "oh yeah. I'm just floored".

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fireburner80
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time

The spacebar

πŸ‘︎ 255
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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Medieval (good) times

A king banished his personal fool for singing love songs. He wanted comedy not a romantic jester

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
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What’s the opposite of a good time?

Whatever happens in the MEANtime!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HappyRamenMan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?

Yeah, he can clock you a good one.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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Two monsters were at a party having a good time when one of them noticed a lady monster rolled her eyes at them. The monster asked his monster friend "what should I do?"

The other other monster replied "be a gentleman, roll them back to her."

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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Sparkling good time

Why did the soda crusher quit his job?

. . . It was soda pressing!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trailerslumlord
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
If you get this pun, you have saved me the time of writing a good title. And if you save me even one second, you have saved my day entire. v.redd.it/feo6wfvmmco31
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brystander
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Especially if it's a good book that makes you lose track of the time
πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Devanshi1618
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I was in the pub having a drink when a girl came up to me and said she can show me a good time. So I followed her out the back where she took off her top...

...and she ran 100m in 10 seconds

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cormac-Dockry
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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My dad says the only difference between a good meal and a good time..

is where you put the cucumber..

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CoreyReynolds
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
GF: "You made good time today"

Me: "I only use the best ingredients"

gf gives me a look

GF: "Ingredients for time?"

Me: "I never use tardy sauce"

gf leaves room

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/droptheone
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2017
🚨︎ report
I’m sure he’ll have an otterly good time
πŸ‘︎ 329
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notyahmothas
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
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My wife told me I wasn't very good at listening - that it was time to make some changes and she needed some distance.

So I bought her an alarm clock with a remote control.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
The aviary I visited had many birds but none of what I really wanted to see. I had a good time anyway.

No egrets.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/siphodeus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
From the 2020 SAT, geometry section: A farmer is welding parts in his barn. He wants to cut four bars of equal length from two lengths of iron rebar measuring 16 feet, 8 inches and 5 feet, 10 inches. How much material will be discarded? Bonus: where will the rebar, once welded, go for a good time?

A square dance

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadacolt45
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
How did Michael Jackson know when his girlfriend was having a good time during sex?

She-moan-a

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
He had a good time
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/endortech
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
The only good time to yell β€œI have diarrhea” is when

you are playing Scrabble.

It's worth a shitload of points.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I know a good way to kill time

Grab a clock and beat it with a baseball bat

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/romanator25
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Sometimes, I have a hard time coming up with a good joke.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andyh10s
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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I went to that circle of infant male pigs expecting to have a good time but...

It was a little boar ring.

πŸ‘︎ 147
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Electrolightning
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2017
🚨︎ report
A recent study shows that watching Bohemian Rhapsody multiple times might not be good for your health.

Because of the unusually high Mercury content.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Once upon a time an evil witch decided to curse a young prince into a bear. The cursed prince sought help from a good wizard, but he refused. Why?

The prince was unbearable.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Keksyz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Friend: My mouth burned the whole time cause my dad made me eat this hot pepper in exchange for the show ticket. Wasn’t even a good show.

Me: You just really ate to see it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThunderZ__
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Russians are pretty good at buying time

I heard one was Stalin for a long while.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/272Voidwalker272
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Even good harmonica players suck half the time...

And when they don't suck they blow.

πŸ‘︎ 953
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TmickyD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2015
🚨︎ report
I need your advice I have this friend. Our relationship is very unstable. Sometimes we have a very good connections and at other times we have a pretty bad connection.

Her name is Wi-Fi BTW

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trollinaintezy
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Which state in the US has people saying good morning all the time?

Ohio.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YuHaoLevi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I know I'll always have a good time at any beach.

It's a shore thing.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BreakBye
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I met a girl the other night who said she'd show me a good time.....

Took me to the park and ran 100m in 6.5 seconds!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderHallow
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Let the good times roll v.redd.it/2xpggrde4o701
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/punchki
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm having a hard time finding a good pair of camouflage pants.
πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeseheadDave
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2017
🚨︎ report
Beer is a good friend. We both get drunk at the same time.
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
🚨︎ report
We don't knead dough to have a good time.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2018
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My wife made me wait a good long time with my friends at the pool before I realized she wasn’t coming with my towel...

You could say she left me hanging out to dry.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Do you recall that film that was kinda like A Bug's Life and came out at the same sort of time as A Bug's Life but wasn't nearly as good as A Bug's Life?

Well you should, it's Remember Antz Day

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wigglesface
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
🚨︎ report
I've always had a good time hanging out with gynecologists

They really bring out the child in you.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/karmaniak
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
🚨︎ report
I went to a crater convention expecting to have a good time

It ended up being the pits

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Supadude51
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Bonheur is French for happiness. Boner is English for a good time. Coincidence?
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/electricdog
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2017
🚨︎ report
The time of year: Lent, itself, to Good Friday puns.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikemol
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2017
🚨︎ report
Where's a good place for birds to buy tools and alcoholic beverages at the same time?

The Crow Bar

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2018
🚨︎ report
An old one but still good. What time is my dentists appointment?

2:30

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lieghannsheriden
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2016
🚨︎ report
Good Times?

Driving home last night my husband asks the kids "Hey do you guys want Good Times!?"(it's a burger joint), they get super excited and yell "yeah!!" His response, "Aren't these good times we're having?!"

the kids in question are 2 and 4..

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/catoco
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2013
🚨︎ report
I love this time of year because I'm really good at wrapping presents

It's one of my gifts.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_rub-a-dubstep_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2016
🚨︎ report
I guess no time is too serious for a good dad joke

My brother and I are in the waiting room at the ER while my dad is back in the ER room texting us about what's going on. I wasn't sure if the ER was the same as the ICU. MY. My dad couldn't hold back.

http://imgur.com/sKewAWG

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ottomatictom
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2017
🚨︎ report

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