I've invented a new golf ball that will automatically go into the hole if it gets within 4 inches...

DO NOT carry them in your back pocket.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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When is a cake like a golf ball?

When its sliced.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Greedypaul
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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A dad and son drove by a golf course next to a few houses the son asked β€œwhat happens if the ball lands in the house”

The dad said β€œit’s a home-in-one”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/isaiah2rod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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They finally invented a golf ball that uses GPS signal to locate the hole, and then roll in.

Just dont put it your back pocket.

πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Squirrel_MD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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Dad got hit by a golf ball on the course today...

...right in the FOREhead

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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I was wondering why the golf ball kept growing bigger and bigger.

Then it hit me.

Oof!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearinthegarden14
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingBongHogger420
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
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Are you good at getting hit in the head by a golf ball?

Because I was going to use you as my driver.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/puggoamber
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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I made my own golf balls. They were supposed to ship in 2 weeks but ended up coming early!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/champ2150
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2017
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Someone shot my friend Juan with a golf ball gun

Now there is a hole in Juan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cazman123
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2017
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How are golf balls made?

First some context: golf balls can be made several different ways, and one of those ways is by winding material. So my brother became curious if there were other ways. So he asked:

Brother: "Dad, are all golf balls wound?"

Dad: "Well of course they're wound. If they weren't wound they wouldn't woll."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DBones90
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2013
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What happens if a golf ball hits a mexican?

Hole in Juan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Felizius
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2017
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Played golf yesterday but didn't do so well. Maybe it's the ball.

I'm just not hitting it par enough.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jsushe01
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2017
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What is the only 4 letter word sport that starts with a 'T'?

Golf.

πŸ‘︎ 760
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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Was with some guys golfing and 4 balls hit the water within a minute.

The turtle that was swimming there swam away, frightened. Guess he was shell shocked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OKSPUD
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2017
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I just saved someone from having a stroke!

I live on the edge of a golf course, and someone’s golf ball landed in our yard, so I grabbed it, ran over to the fairway before they got there and tossed it on. I saved them a penalty stroke!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alpine4
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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Showing my friend a 3-sided dice

Him:"Do you know 300-sided die exists"
'...'
"They are called golf balls"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chetlun
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
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Dessert Puns

I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.


I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, β€œDo you want a lift”. β€œNo thanks”, they replied, β€œWe’re Walkers”.


I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all Β£5 apart from one that was Β£10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said β€œthat’s maderia cake”.


Bought some cream, it said β€œstore in a cool place”. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.


Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.


I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.


A man says β€œI keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the other”. The doctor says β€œI’m afraid you are a trifle deaf”.


I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.


How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden


What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.


Ice cream is exquisite… –what a pity it isn’t illegal.


The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.


Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam’s banana.


Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.


Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!


When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it’s been sliced.


What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?


Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!


What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.


What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!


A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charley’s death? BEN and JERRY.


Don’t eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you won’t be able to budge.


You know you’re a mom if… Popsicles have become a staple food.


Mexican candy makes my taste buds say β€œOLE!”


FORGET LOVE… I’

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2017
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How I learned my business law professor is a dad on the last day of class

In my business law class we were discussing this court case. In the case, a woman named Courtney was hitting off the tee box at a country club and sliced the shot off the course. The ball hit a guy who was working on a nearby roof, and gave him permanent brain damage. Our professor then asked us who we thought was responsible for the damages: the golf course, the course designer, or the woman. A student in the back asks "Well what if Courtney was drunk while she was playing" to which our professor responded

"Well then we would just have a classic case of drinking... and driving."

I'm still not sure which was louder, my friend and I bursting out laughing or the collective groan that filled the room.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bip213
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2015
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Watching golf

I was watching golf on tv with my dad when I was younger....

Me: "What happens if the ball goes in the water?"

dad: "It gets wet"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bradradio
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2013
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At the Driving Range

My dad and I were at the driving range hitting golf balls. He steps up to take a big shot, strains himself a little too hard and simultaneously rips a fart as he hits the ball.

"Hit the shit outta that one!"

I still chuckle when I think about it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poppinwheelies
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2014
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My College professor told this in class.

"My Dad and I were golfing, and he hit his ball. It landed beside a tree. He said 'Son, I have a dilemma.' I replied 'yes? What is it?' Dad: 'Should I go over dilemma or under dilemma'"

(Da-limb-a)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Avaricee
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2014
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My dad got a gift in Calgary today

Dad - I got a golf ball from the White House lol

Me- Wow the president must have one hell of a swing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KonyAteMyDog
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2015
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Dad got us good with this one.

My brother and sister constantly prattle on about the legitimacy of golf and dance as sports and were going at it again this morning.

"What's the point of having a golf team at the school? It's not a real sport."

"At least there is a golf team. I don't see any dance teams here."

"There's a chess team. Are you saying that chess is a sport?"

"It's not a chess team, it's a chess club. The school doesn't have any golf clubs.'

Suddenly Dad chimes in. "Then what do they use to hit the balls?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/generalmaks
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2014
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Some... Thing... On the plain...

So my dad and I are driving through Colorado and see a handful of structures that look like giant golf balls on the plains. We start discussing what they are when I muster up my best William Shatner voice and go "There.. Is some... Thing... On... The plains..." and die laughing. Made dad proud. Rest of the car, not so much.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bamhm182
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2014
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He may be old but he's still a dad go'damit

I was playing golf with my grandfather and I was having a pretty bad day. Some birds start to fly down right in front of the tee box and the rest goes like this Me: Oh man all my balls have gone really high, I hope i don't hit a bird Grandpa: That would be the closet thing to a birdie you would have all day Me: ... Grandpa: Falls over from laughing so hard

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2014
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My dad just forwarded this email to me...

> > Balls > > > > INTERESTING OBSERVATION > > 1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL. > > > > > > > > > > 2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING. > > > > > > > > > > 3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL. > > > > > > > > 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL. > > > > > > > > > > 5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS. > > And... > > > > > > > > 6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is > > GOLF. > > > > THE AMAZING CONCLUSION: > > > > The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls > > become. > > There must be a boat load of people in Ottawa and Queen's Park > > playing marbles. > > You know you WILL PASS THIS ONE ON!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BladeNoob
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2014
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So I was at the driving range with my Dad

It was cloudy, so the golf ball was hard to see when it was hit. I said to my Dad "I can't see the ball because of the cloud cover." The next ball I hit was painfully bad and rolled onto the grass. My Dad says "There it is".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Captain_Caribou
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2014
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Thanksgiving dadness

After thanksgiving dinner my Dad, brother, and I chip some golf balls on the course behind my parents house. I was hitting along and asked my father, "Hey can I get a sand wedge?" He then says, "a sand wedge? How are you still hungry?" -.- Lame. But I thought it was r/dadjokes worthy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ilikespace2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2013
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Golfing with the dad

My dad tees off and the ball hooks right into the trees. We try to find it but can't...

"I think it's lost in the woods, dad."

"Welp... Guess next spring a new golf ball tree will be sproutin..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buttscreams
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2014
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It takes a lot of balls to play golf the way I do.
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πŸ“…︎ May 03 2016
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